Hi everyone, I am new here.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: jersey
Posts: 69
Hi everyone, I am new here.
Hi everyone. I have been a long time lurker and I am finally feeling confident enough in myself to say hello to everyone, so hi!
Reading all of your posts and advice to one another has been so insightful and helpful. I truly appreciate all of you who put yourselves out there and reach out to one another. It's... well. It's beautiful.
I'm a 33 year old mom who has been drinking heavily (big bottle of wine a night) for several years. My problems with drinking started very early, I just never saw them as problems until I became so wrapped up with drinking that the thought of stopping seemed impossible.
"The problem with trouble is that trouble starts out is fun."
Anyway, something strange happened to me last month while the media coverage of what happened in Newtown was all over the TV. I snapped. As a mother who has survived one of her children, the loss reopened my own. I was completely devastated. I couldn't stop crying for days. All I could think about was WHY? Why would someone do something like this?? It broke my heart in so many places that I FORGOT TO DRINK.
And that night, I couldn't sleep. All that I could do was think. I thought about that young man and the only thing that I was able to rationalize was that he couldn't have been an evil person. He must have been so conflicted and torn up inside. And.. well for lack of a better explanation.. he must have let his dark side win.
And then I was stirring. I was thinking about all people and how we all have a light side and a dark side. And if we all gave in to the "selfish" inside of us, things like this would just keep happening.
And then, at around 3 am, I realized that my dark side was an alcoholic jerk. Out of nowhere, it all made sense. I know that I have a good person inside of me. A person who loves her children, takes care of her friends, and who REALLY does want to take care of herself.
And then It happened. I became one with those small children in Newton. I made THEM my higher power. And my selfish alcoholic self - she is the shooter.
Somehow, I found the strength to do this. I haven't had a drink since. And I won't. I will keep the good inside of me in charge of my decisions for the rest of my life. And I will do it for those babies in Newton, my own children, and myself.
So, there you have it. I suppose it's a miracle. I will never forget what happened to those children, teachers, and families. I have learned all of their names and I write them notes in my journal when things are getting difficult. And they are saving me.
So, that's my story. I hope it helps someone somewhere.
Love,
me
Reading all of your posts and advice to one another has been so insightful and helpful. I truly appreciate all of you who put yourselves out there and reach out to one another. It's... well. It's beautiful.
I'm a 33 year old mom who has been drinking heavily (big bottle of wine a night) for several years. My problems with drinking started very early, I just never saw them as problems until I became so wrapped up with drinking that the thought of stopping seemed impossible.
"The problem with trouble is that trouble starts out is fun."
Anyway, something strange happened to me last month while the media coverage of what happened in Newtown was all over the TV. I snapped. As a mother who has survived one of her children, the loss reopened my own. I was completely devastated. I couldn't stop crying for days. All I could think about was WHY? Why would someone do something like this?? It broke my heart in so many places that I FORGOT TO DRINK.
And that night, I couldn't sleep. All that I could do was think. I thought about that young man and the only thing that I was able to rationalize was that he couldn't have been an evil person. He must have been so conflicted and torn up inside. And.. well for lack of a better explanation.. he must have let his dark side win.
And then I was stirring. I was thinking about all people and how we all have a light side and a dark side. And if we all gave in to the "selfish" inside of us, things like this would just keep happening.
And then, at around 3 am, I realized that my dark side was an alcoholic jerk. Out of nowhere, it all made sense. I know that I have a good person inside of me. A person who loves her children, takes care of her friends, and who REALLY does want to take care of herself.
And then It happened. I became one with those small children in Newton. I made THEM my higher power. And my selfish alcoholic self - she is the shooter.
Somehow, I found the strength to do this. I haven't had a drink since. And I won't. I will keep the good inside of me in charge of my decisions for the rest of my life. And I will do it for those babies in Newton, my own children, and myself.
So, there you have it. I suppose it's a miracle. I will never forget what happened to those children, teachers, and families. I have learned all of their names and I write them notes in my journal when things are getting difficult. And they are saving me.
So, that's my story. I hope it helps someone somewhere.
Love,
me
Good things come from bad, no matter how bad!!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 129
I agree with sugarbear. I have been going to AA and I've been sober for 26 days. I even made it through New Years. This is the longest I've been sober in years and I look forward to every day. I'm even confident enough now to seek a sponsor. I fought this alone many times and I finally feel like this time it will work.
You can do this too! Good luck!
You can do this too! Good luck!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: jersey
Posts: 69
Thanks everyone.
I appreciate the advice. I know that AA is there if I need it, and that's very comforting. I have done a lot of research and I have a few friends in the program. It's not my cup of tea for sure, but these forums are wonderfully helpful and I really appreciate all of you having me here.
If I ever felt as though I needed additional support (and that day will probably come) I will reconsider, I promise.
Until then, I will continue being as stubborn as I always have been. Stubbornly and happily being a good sober person, with my own people, and on my own terms.
xoxo
I appreciate the advice. I know that AA is there if I need it, and that's very comforting. I have done a lot of research and I have a few friends in the program. It's not my cup of tea for sure, but these forums are wonderfully helpful and I really appreciate all of you having me here.
If I ever felt as though I needed additional support (and that day will probably come) I will reconsider, I promise.
Until then, I will continue being as stubborn as I always have been. Stubbornly and happily being a good sober person, with my own people, and on my own terms.
xoxo
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Thank you for sharing that, and welcome to a great community!
I think I'll remember your post for a very long time. I had a similar experience, in what I can only call a "moment of clarity" where I was able to see my future through my children's eyes, if I didn't stop drinking. I felt their sadness, and knew for the first time that this wasn't just about me.
Coming here every day has been a lifesaver for me. I'm glad you're here and have decided to get sober - here's to a healthier, happier 2013!
I think I'll remember your post for a very long time. I had a similar experience, in what I can only call a "moment of clarity" where I was able to see my future through my children's eyes, if I didn't stop drinking. I felt their sadness, and knew for the first time that this wasn't just about me.
Coming here every day has been a lifesaver for me. I'm glad you're here and have decided to get sober - here's to a healthier, happier 2013!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Austin, Texas
Posts: 1,387
I have not been as active on this forum as I was previously, but this forum saved my life. I just "stopped by", and I am so glad that I did. Your story is unforgettable. I wish you the very, very best. And keep hanging around this forum.....
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,574
Peased to meet you, FinallyFinished. Thank you for telling your story.
I was also turning myself into someone I didn't recognize. I kept on going until my 50's though. I'm happy you've come to this realization now. We're all behind you.
I was also turning myself into someone I didn't recognize. I kept on going until my 50's though. I'm happy you've come to this realization now. We're all behind you.
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