Rosiepetal

Heard through the grapevine that xabf is taking his daughter away to spend Christmas with new gf & her daughter, they are similar ages.
I just feel cheated.
He didn't incorporate his family with mine.
He didn't try with my girls (they are younger).
I don't even know why I feel cheated because the chances are he will get drunk & act like an ahole just like he does every Xmas & New Year.
It's almost like my fantasy is telling me he has the perfect family now with teenagers he doesn't have to worry about & here I am raising 2 young ones on my own whom he used upset anyway.
Crazy thinking I know.
I'll ride the wave through it & let it pass.

Redheadsusie

So sorry you are feeling that- I think it is perfectly natural to feel that way but you know he will be an ahole with her too. Our minds are silly when they make us think that things will be different for them with someone else - but they won't. You are smart to know that feeling will pass but I know it hurts believe me . Sending hugs and support!

owathu

Rosie, he will not have a "better" relationshit with her. I promise you. He is still an alcoholic, and if you can know anything, know that almost all alcoholics have the same behaviors. Read some of the stories on here, they all sound the same don't they.

Impurrfect

((Rosie)) - though I never had children with my XABF, I do understand. I heard that he was married, thought "why didn't he marry ME?" and all kinds of other stuff.

Thanks to coming here and my codie recovery, I soon realized that: He's still an A (verified by my friend who told me who was married); and the woman he married? She makes MY codie raging stuff look mild.

I had to think about it - did I REALLY want to worry about the next time he had too much to drink and got mean? Did I REALLY want to have my life revolve around him and what he wanted?

In your case, do you REALLY want him around your kids? I soon figured out that his wife could HAVE him, and he wouldn't want anything to do with me now, because he couldn't HANDLE the person I've become in recovery

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Shadydeal

Can't tell you the number of times I have felt this way and painted this sick pic of things in my mind (how happy his life was)! How crazy is that one? I knew better not only from experience but others. However, I think we feel rejected and stuck in what could have been if they had been....none of which is reality!
I try to tell myself....Be careful what you wish for...he is no prize! Better someone's else's problem than mine!

Florence

"Relationshit" is about right.

AlcoholicLove

This is the most accurate sentence I have ever read, on here or anywhere else!
Gosh, thank you for making me laugh this am..

It needs it's own sticky!!!

TakingCharge999

Yes I loved that word too

Rosiepetal that is why No contact is the way to go. No more news , no more feeding our mind which can fool us.

Remember Reality is very different. I feel for anyone having to spend time with an addict. Honest. Especially with kids

Tuffgirl

Rosie, I hope you got a laugh out of the postings like I did. Thanks all - damn near choked on my coffee reading this! LOL!

I am glad you used the word "fantasy" in your post - because that's what this is...and I think deep down inside, you know the outcome is not going to be a good one for this woman and her kids either.

More will be revealed.

Florence

In all seriousness, you can bet that however horrible/untrustworthy/sketchy he was with you he will be with the new person. There's a part of me deep down that worries that it was me, and that if I were more beautiful, smart, lovable, and worthy, he could have been everything I needed. My fear is that I'm not enough. But his drinking and his crappy behavior had nothing to do with how good I am. It had nothing to do with me at all. It was before me and it will be after me.

Part of my problem is really wanting a family -- the husband, wife, and kids picture perfect thing. Letting go of that is painful.

Be gentle with yourself (do something nice and for yourself once a day!) and let that old "relationshit" go.

Rosiepetal

Dear SR friends, I'm keeping our "new word" & going to use it often to look on the bright side of life & aid my recovery.
Thanks so much.

cr995

Rosiepetal, your thoughts sound so similar to mine. We must be in the same place. I think they really are just thoughts - not facts. I believe this happens because we tried so hard to get the A's to behave in a certain way and it feels like if they are now behaving in the way we wanted all along - only with somebody else!!

Talk about rubbing salt in the wound. I have a sneaking suspicion that this is being done on purpose. So two things are going on -
1. It is done deliberately to say neh neh neh if you had stuck with me see what a great guy you would have had.
2. It is actually all just an act on the part of the A.

As someone said to me - he's putting on an show which will cancel soon.

Hang in there - ((Hugs)).

Jody675

i remember when my exH and i broke up be started just casually dating and told me once he sent a small gift to one of the girls he had met just because it reminded him of her (even though they werent still going out). i was so cut. he never did stuff like that for me in the 14 years we were together. getting him to be sweet and romantic was so not him, and then he did this. i had a huge dummy spit moment with him, and told him how i felt about him doing something sweet for a complete stranger and how he wouldnt do it for me. he just said he wanted to treat the person he was with better. (i guess that means better than he did me)

so feel justified in feeling hurt, but it has no reflection on your relationship. but maybe he learnt a lesson from your relationship and doesnt want to change it. at the end of the day, sounds like you are just grateful for not being in a relationship with him. keep reminding yourself of that.

kudzujean

I'd consider telling these people in the grapevine that you don't want to hear any more about what he's doing.