Redheadsusie

Well I decided against the little tiny cottage in the neighborhood- My sis and sons don't want me to be near AH - I need to be away from him totally - that is how I always end up back with him - so today I found a wonderful condo in town that is super big and nice owner who is happy to rent to me with a dog. I will have to leash walk my Greyhound which I feel horrible about- but am trying to not freak out as I have cried all day. Homes here are super expensive to rent so I cant get one. This place is so beautiful- and big and the neighborhood is safe and I do have a patio that is fenced. I am a home owner - I won't be living in my house- I will be in someone elses - I can't plant flowers and have my beautiful greyhound statue out front. Damnit I am crying again. I know this is a stepping stone and I wont be here forever - that is what everyone is saying - maybe I will really like it. I called AH to tell him what was going on and when I would be gone - I was crying- he said - now you know how it feels to leave your home- (he has left at my request every other time - he had a free place to go on the water with his parents) How does it feel- did you call for sympathy? Cause you won't get any compassion from me. ........................................How in the hell can someone be so mean and why do I keep thinking he will be nice. I need to do this .............I am scared and afraid. Say a prayer for me.......

DAMNIT!

BoxinRotz

I just can't imagine how you have dealt with such a foul, ill mannered man for so long! You deserve so much better for yourself! If you need someone to comfort you, pm me. I will listen to you n show you compassion! You are a good person and don't deserve to hear the nastiness a minute longer than what you have too! I'm sending you love n strength to get through this!!!

Pelican

I'm sorry you were hurt by his words. He does not have the capacity to meet any of your needs. He is consumed with himself.

I know how hard it is to leave your *home*. I did it too. I also know how hard it is to not discuss your plans with your life partner. Discussing things with my AH was my habit. We were married and I shared everything with him.

When we were falling apart as a couple, it was so hard to break the habit of turning to him as my sounding board. I was in the habit of always turning to him, even it it did not have a pleasant outcome. It was all I knew.

I learned that I can find other sources as sounding boards. I can share my feelings with people who understand. I found those people at Al Anon meetings (I finally picked up the phone and called someone on the list), here at SR and a few friends who had dealt with addiction in their lives.

It helps me to recognize my own fear of change. I don't like change ~ it makes me uncomfortable. I like doing things the same old way, because I can predict the outcomes. I am learning to sit still in my discomfort. I am learning to acknowledge it as part of the growing process.

I also learned to accept that my old ways were not always getting me the results I wanted. I had to accept that there were other options that might be healthier. Learning to embrace the uncertainties in life has allowed me to accept limitless possibilities.

Embrace the uncertainty, and behold all the beautiful adventures in your future!

Redheadsusie

BoxInRotz- thank you for the kind message. I am grateful. Pelican your message made me cry- so true- I always told him all - usually got a negative response but yes all I have known for 13 years. I have my sons and good friends and sisters who have talked me down from my panic today and that is a blessing but I wanted him to be that person-I wanted to grow old with him or so I thought - the him I wanted him to be I guess. Oh boy - can't see to type now glasses fogging .......... One day at a time- enjoy love from my circle of people who love me and love them back. I just have lost so much with Mom and Daddy dying recently.... sometimes I say to myself - I can't take it - but I can and I will- I am blessed with so much and know I have a lot ahead of me to be happy about. I just need to live for today and get through this ........

tjp613

Your new place will become 'home' to you very soon. One day you will be having a nice PEACEFUL Sunday afternoon and it will dawn on you!..."I am happy!" You will sit back and let the feeling soak in like a warm bath and realize that the greyhound statue really didn't mean that much after all. You will realize that you got to this peaceful place not overnight, but in fits and starts, two steps forward, one step back...but eventually you did get there. And you will smile and say a little prayer of gratitude. I promise.

LoveMeNow

Endings symbolize new beginnings! You will be free of the evilness of addiction. My prayers are with you, may you find hope, serenity and happiness. God bless!

Rosiepetal

I hated loosing my home, I grew up in the area, got married there & homebirthed my 2 children there. I went into a rental for a while, it wasn't home but it was a place in transition that I used for a home until property/financials were sorted. I was there for a year & in that year I viewed lots of available homes to help give me a good feel for the market. 1 year later, money came through & as soon as it did I found & bought my second home. It's not perfect but it is mine & my girls & we know it as home.
You may find somewhere for a while but rest assured the right place will come along & it'll be worth the wait.
Hugs to you.
:ghug3

Thumper

I can't add any wisdom to previous posters but wanted to send you some encouragment and warmth. It is a hard transition but one that is worth the price.

dollydo

You will be fine, you have been in the heat of the battle too long, you have been abused too long...this enviornment will have an effect on you, it will take time, be patient, keep
your resolve.

Having a strong support system makes all the difference in the world, listen to them, they are thinking with their heads, not their hearts.

Punkin50

You have many prayers going your way