How do you guys say no at a party?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: England
Posts: 81
How do you guys say no at a party?
Lots of festive merriment coming up; family parties, meals out ect. I'm not going to drink, but I don't want it to be a thing. How do you folks politely decline, without having to explain yourselves?
I don't want to make excuses, I just don't want to spend all night talking about something that I don't do anymore!
I don't want to make excuses, I just don't want to spend all night talking about something that I don't do anymore!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,796
"No thank you."
Also, "no" is a complete sentence.
Family parties, you say? Will there be any children at these family parties you can maybe watch/hang out with? More fun, more simple, and less gossip. And people might not be as likely to "question" your drinking.
Aside from which, if someone else is a little too interested in why you're not drinking, that says more about them than it does about you, don't you think?
Also, "no" is a complete sentence.
Family parties, you say? Will there be any children at these family parties you can maybe watch/hang out with? More fun, more simple, and less gossip. And people might not be as likely to "question" your drinking.
Aside from which, if someone else is a little too interested in why you're not drinking, that says more about them than it does about you, don't you think?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Central New Jersey, USA
Posts: 1,345
I was worried about that yesterday when it was offered I said "Oh, no thanks" That worked. I think we maker a bigger deal about declining the drink than those offering the drink think about us declining the drink.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: England
Posts: 81
Thanks everybody. I've got a vile alcoholic aunt (by marriage!) who I always end up drinking with by the end of the night (because she is alcoholic) - she is definately going to make a fuss. Luckily I am equally vile and will be happy to inform her that I've stopped drinking through fear of ending up like her!
Nothing Left to do but Smile.
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 808
I have been asked many times in the past few months if I wanted a drink. Usually I just tell them I would love a water. Most people don't ask why you aren't drinking. If it comes up I tell them I'm trying to get more fit. BTW, the places I am being asked are the same places I had always drank at for parties. Even then, no one asks.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
Last party I went to I offered to make coffee.
Somebody said, I don't know if anyone wants coffee before dinner.
I said I WANT COFFEE. And I made it.
Then it became about me doing that, while everyone else was being offered beer wine, etc.
Usually I just say, Im good, thanks, but it was a group that I always drank around, and they provided some of my old favorites. I kept myself occupied for a bit and then once I had the coffee, sat down, and it was cool.
Only one person noticed me not drinking, by the way. Out of a whole group that has seen me drinking for years. So its evident that people really don't care.
Somebody said, I don't know if anyone wants coffee before dinner.
I said I WANT COFFEE. And I made it.
Then it became about me doing that, while everyone else was being offered beer wine, etc.
Usually I just say, Im good, thanks, but it was a group that I always drank around, and they provided some of my old favorites. I kept myself occupied for a bit and then once I had the coffee, sat down, and it was cool.
Only one person noticed me not drinking, by the way. Out of a whole group that has seen me drinking for years. So its evident that people really don't care.
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
I got restless in early sobriety in such situations. It can be hard work and stressful. it can seem that it is all about drinking.
Straight up - I now think that people who really push alcohol, or ask "why" in such settings either have a problem themselves or are just plain ill mannered.
My tips are, arriving late (let them get a bit juiced, and you are not the first arrival ), and get a drink of your choice in your hand ASAP, avoid the drinkers and mingle with others. Then use whatever excuse you like, "no thanks, I'm right".
Socially not drinking is a dietary preference in much the same way as some people are diabetic, gluten free, vegetarian or do not drink caffeine.
Over time it becomes less of a big deal- I can now go to places comfortably where I would have got very antsy in the first six months.
Straight up - I now think that people who really push alcohol, or ask "why" in such settings either have a problem themselves or are just plain ill mannered.
My tips are, arriving late (let them get a bit juiced, and you are not the first arrival ), and get a drink of your choice in your hand ASAP, avoid the drinkers and mingle with others. Then use whatever excuse you like, "no thanks, I'm right".
Socially not drinking is a dietary preference in much the same way as some people are diabetic, gluten free, vegetarian or do not drink caffeine.
Over time it becomes less of a big deal- I can now go to places comfortably where I would have got very antsy in the first six months.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Sydney
Posts: 11
Not that I have practiced these yet, only in my mind, but I may go with:
I'm actually really thirsty and need a soft drink
I've got to drive my daughter somewhere later (if its a lunch occasion)
I've got a big presentation to do tomorrow and need to review it later
Have an assignment due (anyone can be doing online study!)
Need to give some attention to my fitness program.
If family event where they know you too well.. woke up with a bit of a headache or stomach ache, going to take it easy today..
We'll see!!
I'm actually really thirsty and need a soft drink
I've got to drive my daughter somewhere later (if its a lunch occasion)
I've got a big presentation to do tomorrow and need to review it later
Have an assignment due (anyone can be doing online study!)
Need to give some attention to my fitness program.
If family event where they know you too well.. woke up with a bit of a headache or stomach ache, going to take it easy today..
We'll see!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
this is a pretty good question and the replies mentioned have worked for me. i have only had one time i had to explain to someone who used to know me when i was drinking why i wasnt drinking that night:
"you aint got enough." the look i got was rather a puzzled one, but it stopped the conversation.
"you aint got enough." the look i got was rather a puzzled one, but it stopped the conversation.
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
If i thought it'd be difficult to say no, i'd not go to the party. Just phone and say i had the winter vomiting virus .. people would stay away and i get to sit on the sofa in my big soft dressing gown watching movies eating christmass chocolates, drinking tea 
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 472
Reading all of your posts, i wonder whether it's more of an issue for us recovering alcoholics than it is for everyone else. I had a number of people over for dinner a few nights ago and drank soda water all evening......everyone else was merry and nobody seemed to notice that I was not drinking wine!
Not Alone
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: South East UK
Posts: 1,513
Sometimes I just politely say 'No, thank you. I don't drink' and for some reason I seem to say it in a way that prompts no further discussion. However sometimes I say 'I'm ill' and when asked what it is I say it's a disease and it's just something I am taking a day at a time at the moment and I will never fully recover from it but it is manageable. And then on other times I just look at the person straight in the eye and say 'If I have a drink tonight I'm going to die. I don't know when but I will die if I take this drink' and then I just do psycho eyes and they leave me alone.
It all depends on the function and the people really but I like to have a bit of fun with it.
Natom.
It all depends on the function and the people really but I like to have a bit of fun with it.
Natom.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
I used to feel I needed to virtually give a speech as to why I wasn't drinking.
Drinking was so important to me I assumed it was that way for other people too.
By and large it's not
'No thanks' is generally all anyone needs to hear or to know
D
Drinking was so important to me I assumed it was that way for other people too.
By and large it's not
'No thanks' is generally all anyone needs to hear or to know
D
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
in 4 years I have never ever had someone challenge a simple "no thank you". People care less about what we do than we usually think I did have one person say "really? Never?" and I said "really, never" and that was it.. 4 years and counting.
I did have one person say "really? Never?" and I said "really, never" and that was it.. 4 years and counting.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 2,850
Originally Posted by duane1 
I have been asked many times in the past few months if I wanted a drink. Usually I just tell them I would love a water. Most people don't ask why you aren't drinking. If it comes up I tell them I'm trying to get more fit. BTW, the places I am being asked are the same places I had always drank at for parties. Even then, no one asks.
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