Fallow

I see it said many times to analyze what caused someone to relapse. Im wondering how people here do that?

I know I once had around 50 days and relapsed. I got defensive with my sponsor asking me to go to more meetings. I think I was already planning to drink. I was angry frustrated and uncomfortable. I didnt like feeling that I needed to be in a program and was resenting it. My friends wedding was upcoming and I thought Id be a bore there sober. I had doubts of if I was really an addict or if I could moderate.

So I gave up and fired my sponsor. Days later I had a shot and a beer, thinking Id prove my moderation status. I blacked out at the bachelor party and vomited. Luckily I moderated at the wedding as I was fearful of making a mockery of myself.

In all this I see an alcoholic plain and simple.

I am realizing that anger and defensiveness are huge red flags for me. Also feeling left out and understating the problem are big warnings.

2granddaughters

And for the plain garden variety alcoholic nothing works better than Alcoholics Anonymous.

Most times I don't have the good common sense to analyze my situation ... everything in my head is bass-ackwards.

All the best.

Bob R

Anna

It really helped me a lot to figure out what was causing me to relapse and drink again. When it was happening, I felt as if I was carried along on a wave and had no control and dI knew I had to change that.

One of the big things for me was being alone when my husband was away on business. A day or two before I would 'find myself' buying alcohol and stashing it. I wasn't even fully aware that I was buying it for that reason.

Living consciously, being aware of my intentions in my life, was a huge step in recovery.

rainyengland

Anger and stress were a key thing for me and still are to a point - I force myself to take time out and think about it

Will my anger achieve anything positive - no
Who does it damage most - me
Will drinking solve the issue - no
Who will I take it out on - ones I love most
Does it really matter? Probably not

My drinking made even the smallest thing a major issue and even in sobriety which I'm two weeks in its still a issue - I just try to put it away quickly and move on - difficult I know but possible

As for defensive - well like me your a alchoholic and that comes with the job in hand !

Best

hypochondriac

Ditto here. I still have a massive problem understating my drinking and feeling defensive about it. So far I have managed to avoid acting on it though. I still try to avoid talking about my drinking with people who I think might antagonise me because I'm stubborn and likely to try and prove people wrong. It's one of the reasons I don't speak at meetings still because I am scared I'll get defensive if anyone questions me and I know where that leads.

Glad you're back Fallow x

Cwbugycody

Resentments are the number one reason. Imo

Sapling

Sounds to me like you know what the problem is....I came into AA looking for a sponsor to take me through the steps. There were two ways I could do it. Listening to his suggestions....Or doing it my way....My way didn't work. His did. Willing to go to any lengths?....You bet.

wpainterw

Anna wrote: "One of the big things for me was being alone when my husband was away on business."
I had the same experience. I would relapse when my wife was away visiting relatives. I had been using her as a "control" and, unwittingly, she had been playing the role of an enabler, assuming that "usually" I could control my drinking. I think I've already told the story about how, after seeing her off at the airport, I felt high as a kite, like I'd already had three martinis, even though I had not yet had a drink. My body was anticipating it like Pavlov's dog. That time fortunately I realized what was happening and got myself to an AA meeting. I managed to avoid drinking that time.

W.

Delilah1

Stress is a trigger for me, however, when I woke up hungover the same darn issues that caused me stress were still there and then I was dealing with them hungover.

CMack

"Avoid using cigarettes, alcohol, and drugs as alternatives to being an interesting person." - Marilyn vos Savant

I just read that a few minutes ago. You are never a bore as long as you be yourself. If it is a boring wedding than it is just that...a boring wedding. Don't add alcohol to add some "fun" to it. Just enjoy the somber and humility of your an incredible time in your friend's life.