The Lies We Tell
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Between the Moon & the Stars
Posts: 211
The Lies We Tell
I'm currently in quite a bind. Back in November I lied to my boss on a Monday morning and told him I had forgotten that I had a doctor appointment and would be late. I should preface this by saying I had been put on probation back in October for excessive absenteeism.
The fact was that I was so severely hungover (probably still drunk) that I couldn't even stand. I solved this by sleeping in and drinking 3 beers before finally heading to work. I did make up this time during the week so I did wind up working a 40 hour week.
The week after this happened my boss requested a doctor note for the appointment I lied about. I had been stalling and now I'm on medical leave while I'm in treatment.
I spoke with him this afternoon and he brought it up again. I'm obviously not going to get out of this.
At first I figured I would dummy up a doctor's note. But that's not me. I just can't bring myself to do it. The initial lie I told was bad enough and I've only been digging a deeper hole for myself when I continue to lie about it. I tried to get out of it by saying I wasn't comfortable telling him where I was because it was embarrassing (geez, another lie).
OK....so I'm stressing myself over about it. I've finally come to the conclusion that I just need to 'fess up. I'm already on the verge of being fired. I just can't bring myself to continue the lie. I want to finally be honest.
I realize this will most likely be the last straw and I'll be terminated. Quite a shame too since I've been in my position for 16 years.
I hate that alcoholism brought me down to this level. If there's one thing I absolutely despise it's people who lie. And I became a liar.
I was initially in a panic, however, I've since calmed down a bit. A few serenity prayers and I'm a bit better.
You do agree, don't you, that I should just confess and lay the chips fall where they may?
Please, please let me know your thoughts. I won't be speaking to him again until next week so this will obviously weigh very heavy on my mind for days.
The fact was that I was so severely hungover (probably still drunk) that I couldn't even stand. I solved this by sleeping in and drinking 3 beers before finally heading to work. I did make up this time during the week so I did wind up working a 40 hour week.
The week after this happened my boss requested a doctor note for the appointment I lied about. I had been stalling and now I'm on medical leave while I'm in treatment.
I spoke with him this afternoon and he brought it up again. I'm obviously not going to get out of this.
At first I figured I would dummy up a doctor's note. But that's not me. I just can't bring myself to do it. The initial lie I told was bad enough and I've only been digging a deeper hole for myself when I continue to lie about it. I tried to get out of it by saying I wasn't comfortable telling him where I was because it was embarrassing (geez, another lie).
OK....so I'm stressing myself over about it. I've finally come to the conclusion that I just need to 'fess up. I'm already on the verge of being fired. I just can't bring myself to continue the lie. I want to finally be honest.
I realize this will most likely be the last straw and I'll be terminated. Quite a shame too since I've been in my position for 16 years.
I hate that alcoholism brought me down to this level. If there's one thing I absolutely despise it's people who lie. And I became a liar.
I was initially in a panic, however, I've since calmed down a bit. A few serenity prayers and I'm a bit better.
You do agree, don't you, that I should just confess and lay the chips fall where they may?
Please, please let me know your thoughts. I won't be speaking to him again until next week so this will obviously weigh very heavy on my mind for days.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: My city of ruins...
Posts: 593
Come clean. It is cliche, but the truth really does set us free!
The repercussions may be bad, but the heaviness of the lie and the secrets are far worse in my opinion. Perhaps your boss already knows you lied and is just giving you an opportunity to tell the truth - hopefully he will respect you more for that rather than continuing the web of deceit?
The repercussions may be bad, but the heaviness of the lie and the secrets are far worse in my opinion. Perhaps your boss already knows you lied and is just giving you an opportunity to tell the truth - hopefully he will respect you more for that rather than continuing the web of deceit?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
I Personally admitted to my management team I have a problem. They were very supportive because I always performed. They were actually surprised. With all the times I came into work wanting to just die because I was shaking.
Go clean, but PRESENT your plan to be sober! That's what I did, they saw I was dead serious about quitting for good.
Go clean, but PRESENT your plan to be sober! That's what I did, they saw I was dead serious about quitting for good.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 649
Yea, it's going to be hard to avoid and I've been in those shoes many times making excuses (lies) to cover up my drinking.
I would not wait for him to bring it up, but you make the initial conversation and let him know that you HAD (I emphasize past tense) a drinking problem and you are on the mend.
That said, you must prove yourself not only to him but to yourself that you can stay clean.
I've lost way to many jobs over the years due to drinking and do not wish that upon anyone.
Good luck and keep us posted.
"The truth will set you free"
I would not wait for him to bring it up, but you make the initial conversation and let him know that you HAD (I emphasize past tense) a drinking problem and you are on the mend.
That said, you must prove yourself not only to him but to yourself that you can stay clean.
I've lost way to many jobs over the years due to drinking and do not wish that upon anyone.
Good luck and keep us posted.
"The truth will set you free"
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,574
Maybe you could tell him you had intended to go to the doctor but couldn't make it - then you were hesitant to tell him the truth because of being absent so much. That would soften the blow a little, but of course it's still a lie. IWillWin could be right - he might already know the truth. You could say you meant no disrespect, but you were in a very confused state at that time and not thinking clearly. Stress that behavior is in the past.
I was at my job 18 yrs. when I had my meltdown. I lied so much it became impossible to remember everything. It was horribly stressful. I had been so highly thought of there. I didn't want anyone to think badly of me, but they all knew I was falling apart. When I did come clean about my situation everyone was amazingly supportive and kind. Sometimes people will surprise you. (I didn't think you could be fired for being an alcoholic, as long as you are attempting to recover.)
Let us know how it goes. Sorry you're having to go through this.
I was at my job 18 yrs. when I had my meltdown. I lied so much it became impossible to remember everything. It was horribly stressful. I had been so highly thought of there. I didn't want anyone to think badly of me, but they all knew I was falling apart. When I did come clean about my situation everyone was amazingly supportive and kind. Sometimes people will surprise you. (I didn't think you could be fired for being an alcoholic, as long as you are attempting to recover.)
Let us know how it goes. Sorry you're having to go through this.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 929
Originally Posted by Thepatman 
I Personally admitted to my management team I have a problem. They were very supportive because I always performed. They were actually surprised. With all the times I came into work wanting to just die because I was shaking.
Go clean, but PRESENT your plan to be sober! That's what I did, they saw I was dead serious about quitting for good.
Go clean, but PRESENT your plan to be sober! That's what I did, they saw I was dead serious about quitting for good.
...the biggest caveat...you have to mean it and live it.
Good on you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
I have to disagree with above.
If you came to work half in the bag, I'm sorry to say, but you smelled like Alcohol. It smells even trough your skin... So if they know, and you lie again that's it.
If I was them that's what I would do. They have no choice, they have a business to run. You are a liability right now to them. They probably think you'll end up dead at work from a heart attack or something. Truth is the only way.
If you came to work half in the bag, I'm sorry to say, but you smelled like Alcohol. It smells even trough your skin... So if they know, and you lie again that's it.
If I was them that's what I would do. They have no choice, they have a business to run. You are a liability right now to them. They probably think you'll end up dead at work from a heart attack or something. Truth is the only way.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Between the Moon & the Stars
Posts: 211
Thanks all! I feel the only right thing to do is tell them truth. This is the 2nd medical leave they have endured due to my drinking. While I may not like it, I understand their frustration. As Patman said, they have a business to run.
My boss also mentioned that HR had been around my desk and questioned a half bottle of water on my desk. He then hesitated and waited for my response. I assured him it was water, and it really is. He then said that he smelled it too and it smelled odd. I again assured him it was water and that he was welcome to pour some into a cup and taste it. It just hurt so damn bad that this is what I have created.
I am fully committed to getting this right this time. My first crack at sobriety was done half-assed. I'm not willing to do anything but 100% effort. I want nothing more than to be sober and remain sober.
I need to rid myself of the lies and start to tell the truth. I feel it's the only way I am going to truly recover. I have told my sponsor that I will do whatever it takes to work the program. And I mean it. So far it's pretty much sucked, and I'm only on Day 8. But I'm feeling better about myself already. I'm showing up where I need to be, I'm sober and I'm giving 100%.
They say the wreckage of the past, right? I'm ready to face a lot of it, and I understand it comes with consequences. But I don't have to like it, do I?
My boss also mentioned that HR had been around my desk and questioned a half bottle of water on my desk. He then hesitated and waited for my response. I assured him it was water, and it really is. He then said that he smelled it too and it smelled odd. I again assured him it was water and that he was welcome to pour some into a cup and taste it. It just hurt so damn bad that this is what I have created.
I am fully committed to getting this right this time. My first crack at sobriety was done half-assed. I'm not willing to do anything but 100% effort. I want nothing more than to be sober and remain sober.
I need to rid myself of the lies and start to tell the truth. I feel it's the only way I am going to truly recover. I have told my sponsor that I will do whatever it takes to work the program. And I mean it. So far it's pretty much sucked, and I'm only on Day 8. But I'm feeling better about myself already. I'm showing up where I need to be, I'm sober and I'm giving 100%.
They say the wreckage of the past, right? I'm ready to face a lot of it, and I understand it comes with consequences. But I don't have to like it, do I?
Professional Drunk
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Toronto
Posts: 465
I often went to work where I am sure I was still intoxicated. I would shower for a good 20 mins, put on deordorant, shave and have a coffee. But about noon, I would start to sweat and the booze would come out of my pores. That is impossible to hide when your whole body starts to excrete the alcohol from the night before. I have been fired from a few jobs for either showing up reeking of booze or not showing up at all. Bottom-line is that you're fooling no one.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
I think the truth is really your only option here Fallon - dummying up a doctors note must be an offence against the law there - it certainly is here
I'd also mention what you're doing to stay sober now...and if the best happens and they keep you on, I'd be really amenable to anything they might suggest you do through work
best of luck
D
I'd also mention what you're doing to stay sober now...and if the best happens and they keep you on, I'd be really amenable to anything they might suggest you do through work
best of luck
D
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Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,937
[I][My boss also mentioned that HR had been around my desk and questioned a half bottle of water on my desk. He then hesitated and waited for my response. I assured him it was water, and it really is. He then said that he smelled it too and it smelled odd. I again assured him it was water and that he was welcome to pour some into a cup and taste it. It just hurt so damn bad that this is what I have created./I]
Obviously, they already know the truth. The only person you would be lying to, is yourself.
Obviously, they already know the truth. The only person you would be lying to, is yourself.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 16
I would say if there is any doubt in your mind that your boss or work collegues have smelt alcohol on you more than once in a while you may have to fess up, If you are determined to get sober and stay that way, then maybe your boss will give you the benefit of the doubt, If it were me and I thought that maybe no one smelt alcohol on me on a regular basis, I would try and get out of it. So you were ill and had a doctors appt, maybe you were too ill to get there! if you loosing your job would mean serious repercussions on your life, then try to rationalize what is best. If you tell the truth and risk loosing your job with not a lot of prospects of getting another, or come clean and get fired or supported in your plight, who knows which way it could go, telling the truth gets rid of the stress but if you loose your job that you need will that create more stress. hope things go well for you which ever way you choose. Iam sure you can find a get out clause for the doctors appt. if its your last ditch attempt and you feel that you can become sober then I would make a last attempt at trying to be the best I can at my job. if you are on medical leave, and you can become sober in that time, then you have nothing to worry about, what they dont know cant hurt them, but you must make sure that you wont fall off the wagon otherwise they may not be so understanding next time! all in all its up to you and how you feel about it, but I wish you luck and hope that you can continue working with the same firm and they are non the wiser. The truth sometimes hurts, but we also are granted a clear conscience! if you can suffer loosing your job then go ahead and tell the truth. but dont let them humiliate you. thats not what truth is about. some people do not realise that. good luck, I will pop back to see how its all going
take care
Marley
take care
Marley
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: US
Posts: 34
Originally Posted by SoberFallon
I'm currently in quite a bind. Back in November I lied to my boss on a Monday morning and told him I had forgotten that I had a doctor appointment and would be late. I should preface this by saying I had been put on probation back in October for excessive absenteeism.
The fact was that I was so severely hungover (probably still drunk) that I couldn't even stand. I solved this by sleeping in and drinking 3 beers before finally heading to work. I did make up this time during the week so I did wind up working a 40 hour week.
The week after this happened my boss requested a doctor note for the appointment I lied about. I had been stalling and now I'm on medical leave while I'm in treatment.
I spoke with him this afternoon and he brought it up again. I'm obviously not going to get out of this.
At first I figured I would dummy up a doctor's note. But that's not me. I just can't bring myself to do it. The initial lie I told was bad enough and I've only been digging a deeper hole for myself when I continue to lie about it. I tried to get out of it by saying I wasn't comfortable telling him where I was because it was embarrassing (geez, another lie).
OK....so I'm stressing myself over about it. I've finally come to the conclusion that I just need to 'fess up. I'm already on the verge of being fired. I just can't bring myself to continue the lie. I want to finally be honest.
I realize this will most likely be the last straw and I'll be terminated. Quite a shame too since I've been in my position for 16 years.
I hate that alcoholism brought me down to this level. If there's one thing I absolutely despise it's people who lie. And I became a liar.
I was initially in a panic, however, I've since calmed down a bit. A few serenity prayers and I'm a bit better.
You do agree, don't you, that I should just confess and lay the chips fall where they may?
Please, please let me know your thoughts. I won't be speaking to him again until next week so this will obviously weigh very heavy on my mind for days.
The fact was that I was so severely hungover (probably still drunk) that I couldn't even stand. I solved this by sleeping in and drinking 3 beers before finally heading to work. I did make up this time during the week so I did wind up working a 40 hour week.
The week after this happened my boss requested a doctor note for the appointment I lied about. I had been stalling and now I'm on medical leave while I'm in treatment.
I spoke with him this afternoon and he brought it up again. I'm obviously not going to get out of this.
At first I figured I would dummy up a doctor's note. But that's not me. I just can't bring myself to do it. The initial lie I told was bad enough and I've only been digging a deeper hole for myself when I continue to lie about it. I tried to get out of it by saying I wasn't comfortable telling him where I was because it was embarrassing (geez, another lie).
OK....so I'm stressing myself over about it. I've finally come to the conclusion that I just need to 'fess up. I'm already on the verge of being fired. I just can't bring myself to continue the lie. I want to finally be honest.
I realize this will most likely be the last straw and I'll be terminated. Quite a shame too since I've been in my position for 16 years.
I hate that alcoholism brought me down to this level. If there's one thing I absolutely despise it's people who lie. And I became a liar.
I was initially in a panic, however, I've since calmed down a bit. A few serenity prayers and I'm a bit better.
You do agree, don't you, that I should just confess and lay the chips fall where they may?
Please, please let me know your thoughts. I won't be speaking to him again until next week so this will obviously weigh very heavy on my mind for days.
I try to take pride in my work, and this situation is embarrassing for me. It was also one in a series of wake up calls that my drinking has caused nothing but problems for me.
I have done this type of thing so many times. Lied to myself and said I won't drink on weekdays. Or I will just have a 6 pack and go to bed. Next thing I know it is 4 or 5 in the morning, I am making stupid facebook posts, etc. Then wake up 20 minutes after I should have been to work and either rush out dressed shabbily, unshaven, unshowered, or call in sick and go to the liquor store and spend the day drinking. It's a brutal lifestyle. And I have lied many times about it as well, saying that I am sick, etc. I have even pondered going so far as lying and saying I have diabetes or something to try to gain sympathy and make a plausible explanation. It's sickening, but that is the honest truth.
We are a lot alike in our behavior, and I think we have the power to change. My vote would be to just come out with the truth. Tell them about your problem and tell them you want to get counseling and seek a group for support. It might make a lot more sense to your situation and make things more understandable for them, than if they think you are just blowing off the job or something.
Professional Drunk
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Toronto
Posts: 465
Originally Posted by Virg
I can really, really relate to this. I had a warning at the end of last month about lateness. My work has a tardiness point system and I am at the limit...meaning I have to show up early every day for a couple of months to get out of hot water. I am lucky that my boss said that he doesn't really mind personally and respects my work. But it was a courtesy from him to say that if I mess up and show up late again his hands will be tied and I will be fired because of company policy.
I try to take pride in my work, and this situation is embarrassing for me. It was also one in a series of wake up calls that my drinking has caused nothing but problems for me.
I have done this type of thing so many times. Lied to myself and said I won't drink on weekdays. Or I will just have a 6 pack and go to bed. Next thing I know it is 4 or 5 in the morning, I am making stupid facebook posts, etc. Then wake up 20 minutes after I should have been to work and either rush out dressed shabbily, unshaven, unshowered, or call in sick and go to the liquor store and spend the day drinking. It's a brutal lifestyle. And I have lied many times about it as well, saying that I am sick, etc. I have even pondered going so far as lying and saying I have diabetes or something to try to gain sympathy and make a plausible explanation. It's sickening, but that is the honest truth.
We are a lot alike in our behavior, and I think we have the power to change. My vote would be to just come out with the truth. Tell them about your problem and tell them you want to get counseling and seek a group for support. It might make a lot more sense to your situation and make things more understandable for them, than if they think you are just blowing off the job or something.
I try to take pride in my work, and this situation is embarrassing for me. It was also one in a series of wake up calls that my drinking has caused nothing but problems for me.
I have done this type of thing so many times. Lied to myself and said I won't drink on weekdays. Or I will just have a 6 pack and go to bed. Next thing I know it is 4 or 5 in the morning, I am making stupid facebook posts, etc. Then wake up 20 minutes after I should have been to work and either rush out dressed shabbily, unshaven, unshowered, or call in sick and go to the liquor store and spend the day drinking. It's a brutal lifestyle. And I have lied many times about it as well, saying that I am sick, etc. I have even pondered going so far as lying and saying I have diabetes or something to try to gain sympathy and make a plausible explanation. It's sickening, but that is the honest truth.
We are a lot alike in our behavior, and I think we have the power to change. My vote would be to just come out with the truth. Tell them about your problem and tell them you want to get counseling and seek a group for support. It might make a lot more sense to your situation and make things more understandable for them, than if they think you are just blowing off the job or something.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 3,781
I'd call your boss and tell him you're going on tempory disability and you'd be in touch.. Check in somewhere and get better.. Any major US Corp wouldn't touch the case with a 10 foot pole.. Just trying to help...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: US
Posts: 34
Originally Posted by Jitterbugg
Wow Virg...I pulled the diabetes crap too! I was constantly late and showing up disheveled. I said that I needed to sleep in because of low blood sugar levels. Then I just drank my face off for a week alone in my apartment and told my boss I was having exploratory surgery at the Mayo Clinic where they found a cyst on my pancreas. Insanity...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Calgary Alberta
Posts: 38
I'd advise you to quit your job till you are out of recovery ( I didn't tell you that part yet)
Staying there is going to make you hate yourself more each time you look in the mirror. Get a new start forget the whole world ,get checked in somewhere and sober up then start clean.
Of coarse if you are thinking of continuing drinking ,just stay right there and let them gossip more with each stunt you pull.
Staying there is going to make you hate yourself more each time you look in the mirror. Get a new start forget the whole world ,get checked in somewhere and sober up then start clean.
Of coarse if you are thinking of continuing drinking ,just stay right there and let them gossip more with each stunt you pull.
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