medicatrix

He writes to me every couple days.

I am so tempted to write him back.

I can't write him back because I can't be with him because he is an alcoholic and so am I and no matter how charming he can be this is my survival we are talking about.

All he needs is ONE reply from me, one opening and I am toast.

Not writing back. Going to bed. See you guys tomorrow.

Dee74

you can block him or at least apply a filter and send the emails straight to the spam folder, medicatrix - at least for a while?

D

medicatrix

I told him not to contact me. He doesn't call, he doesn't text, won't come over. I decided not to do any blocking at first because it was sort of like: I refuse to run. I'm not hiding from anybody, and I'm not afraid of an email.

So of course he's been writing me about every other day. Today he said he could feel me thinking about him, which was freaky because it was actually true.

I know I really should. I just figured he would get the message if I didn't write him back. People usually stop, you know?

Dee74

and yet he is.

I feel strongly about stuff like this, but it's your call.

If you really don't want him to contact you, I don't think it's 'running away' to ensure your request be met

D

medicatrix

I know he's an alcoholic but I'm really confused by his behavior. We broke up. I don't want to talk to him.

Nothing he ever said or did really stuck though. I started to suspect that he was so far gone that he didn't remember or have control of what he was doing, ever. He was this real example of what happens to lifelong alcoholic -- unwell, liar, untrustworthy, combative, then charming, then abusive, then clingy, then a breakup, then...well on and on.

Still, I'm pretty much alone and don't have a lot of friends and there is this sane, sweet hilarious part of him I wish I didn't have to break up with too.

Don't get me wrong, I know exactly what this is.I know the whole story of what this is. I'm just venting, it just makes it all that much harder. It's like the booze actually showed up at my door in the form of a person and showed me exactly what was so compelling and terrifying about itself, all in a couple weeks. And also -- exactly why it could never come back again.

renaldo

These two statements contradict one another.

onlythetruth

medicatrix:

I had a situation like this a while ago and wasn't blocking the emails. It took some self-reflection but I eventually came to realize that even though I wasn't answering the emails, there was a part of me that wanted to know he was sending them. Once I realized that I did block the emails....which helped a lot.

sugarbear1

He's not respecting your boundary now.....block him!

IreLander

Sounds creepy. Block him!

MIRecovery

Tell him you would be happy to hear from him when he has been sober for a year

AnotherPaul

This didn't creep you out at all?

You asked him not to contact you, but he's contacting you every other day. Sure, he's not showing up in person or calling you on the phone, but he is still disrespecting your wishes by emailing you and saying frankly manipulative things. He's trying to keep the door open a crack and if you let him, he'll eventually try to open the door all the way and try to come back into your life.

I would write him back a very short paragraph explaining that you are in recovery and you need to be around other people who are in recovery or otherwise sober, you cannot be around any of the old triggers or people you used to drink with, and you mean it when you say "don't contact me anymore" and you don't appreciate that he has disrespected you by ignoring your wishes. Tell him you wish him nothing but the best, but you don't want to hear from him again.

Then I'd block him.

Recovery, for many of us, is life or death. Don't let this "I can feel you thinking about me" crap get into your head for one minute. It's not even a good line!

Jeni26

I wonder if there's a part of you that doesn't want to let go. You are still reading his e-mails. You are still allowing the content to affect you. You are still thinking about him.
It is a hard thing to do to really let go.
But by blocking his route to you, by not engaging emotionally, that is the only way you will be able to move forward.
And forward is the only way to go x

Xune

This need not be drawn out or overly complicated.

Flag his email and any new email address he creates as spam.

I'm sensing voluntary drama on your part.

medicatrix

Thanks for your input, everyone. And thanks for the suggestion Xune, that's a perfect step away without a block.

suki44883

When you block an email address, the person you are blocking doesn't get a message saying they are blocked. He won't know if you block his email. Flagging as spam is pretty much the same thing as blocking. The emails go away and you don't see them in your inbox.

Pondlady

Voluntary drama.......gonna tuck that one away

DoubleBarrel

Some places, repeated contact via phone OR Email is legal harassment, and subject to prosecution under stalking statutes.

medicatrix

Lol, I like your sig line, Double Barrel. Pretty much fits my whole scenario today.