Do we ALL ride the emotional rollercoaster DAILY??
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Where ALL of YOU ARE
Posts: 45
Do we ALL ride the emotional rollercoaster DAILY??
It seems since I have joined this site I am now seeking more comfort than ever! I usually wouldn't be on here while working but...seems that my emotions are ALL OVER THE PLACE ..ALL the time.
Some days I can't focus on work (2day being one of them) or really even care to do anything. I change my thoughts minutely from being strong/positive & getting my self together to all of a sudden thinking I want to go away & not have to deal with any of my responsibilities anymore (no not suicidal..just away..)
One minute I'm thankful for this support then the next I think am I getting obssessed with this now? I really don't know HOW to get on with things & I literally feel like Jekyll & Hyde.
I can't wait for my step daughter to come this weekend but on the other hand is my emotional state affecting her & I can't see it. I so enjoy her company & she makes me happy but I can't help feeling so sad at times we are enjoying ourselves because I miss MY AD...& know that she will never be that lil girl again.. Does this EVER get easier??
Some days I can't focus on work (2day being one of them) or really even care to do anything. I change my thoughts minutely from being strong/positive & getting my self together to all of a sudden thinking I want to go away & not have to deal with any of my responsibilities anymore (no not suicidal..just away..)
One minute I'm thankful for this support then the next I think am I getting obssessed with this now? I really don't know HOW to get on with things & I literally feel like Jekyll & Hyde.
I can't wait for my step daughter to come this weekend but on the other hand is my emotional state affecting her & I can't see it. I so enjoy her company & she makes me happy but I can't help feeling so sad at times we are enjoying ourselves because I miss MY AD...& know that she will never be that lil girl again.. Does this EVER get easier??
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 16
I have been on this roller coaster through the last days and weeks. Especially today. I was down earlier, but I am feeling better now. Itīs a back and forth between loving her and wanting her back and knowing itīs the best I will have no contact with her for the rest of my life. My life has been greatly affected. My own plans and goals were swallowed by a black hole of misery. I have changed and not in a good way because of this suffering and pain. I surely hope this gets better. I keep reminding myself, I will be so happy if I get through this pain. My own life will change to the better.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 72
I am also right there with you. My ExAH just feel again and I am having a very hard time. I am doing the no contact thing, he has not tried to contact me today and I have no idea if he is in jail, working, using.... I told him last night I could not help him and now I have to stick to my guns.. Focusing is very hard for me right now... And I am typing here instead of working so I need to pull it together... You are not alone!
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
What you're going through, believe it or not, is normal. And it's OK, too. Sometimes, though, it's really hard to sit with the shifting emotions. What worked for me (and may work for you) is a tacit acknowledgement that, yeah, this sucks. But, it only sucks at this moment in time, and it won't suck down the road.
Set managable, meeting goals for yourself every day and meet them. That will give you confidence going forward.
Best,
ZoSo
Set managable, meeting goals for yourself every day and meet them. That will give you confidence going forward.
Best,
ZoSo
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,754
One of the turning points for me was when I began to entertain the concept of powerlessness.
It was a direct message to my desire to change somethiing that someone else was doing. In some ways it was a relief.
I spent a lot of time on the roller coaster, but taking the responsibility off of me, and putting sqare in the hands of addcition the disease, was very helpful for me.
Your situation is agonizing, I'm so glad you are posting here at SR, keep posting, we really care.
Katie
It was a direct message to my desire to change somethiing that someone else was doing. In some ways it was a relief.
I spent a lot of time on the roller coaster, but taking the responsibility off of me, and putting sqare in the hands of addcition the disease, was very helpful for me.
Your situation is agonizing, I'm so glad you are posting here at SR, keep posting, we really care.
Katie
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
I am seldom on the rollercoaster ride anymore. Occasionally, I will pay for my ticket and hop on board and because I've spent enough time OFF of the rollercoast, I get motion sickness very quickly and exit as soon as possible.
For me, Nar-Anon meetings, a 12 Step Study group, and SR have allowed me to get to a point where I am pretty doggone serene whether my son is using or not, whether he is on the streets or not, and even when he calls wigged out of his mind on meth throwing the most potent of manipulations my way. I work the program that I wish he would work and guess what.........it helped ME tremendously!
Do I still experience highs and lows? Absolutely but they are FAR less severe and far less debilitating than they were in the hayday of my codependence. I laugh a lot, I love mightily, and I live my life with zest. I have bad days but I know the difference between a bad day and a good day is usually.........one day.
gentle hugs
ke
For me, Nar-Anon meetings, a 12 Step Study group, and SR have allowed me to get to a point where I am pretty doggone serene whether my son is using or not, whether he is on the streets or not, and even when he calls wigged out of his mind on meth throwing the most potent of manipulations my way. I work the program that I wish he would work and guess what.........it helped ME tremendously!
Do I still experience highs and lows? Absolutely but they are FAR less severe and far less debilitating than they were in the hayday of my codependence. I laugh a lot, I love mightily, and I live my life with zest. I have bad days but I know the difference between a bad day and a good day is usually.........one day.
gentle hugs
ke
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Where ALL of YOU ARE
Posts: 45
all such awesome comments... I think its more confusing to me as to how this posting & commenting actually WORKS.. and Thank you <<Zoso>> I will start making small lists for the following days & I feel this just may keep me more focused...I am starting Narnon tonight as well..
And Kindeyes>>how long did it take you to finally get to the place you're at now..I know its different for everyone but I'm at the point where I want to move on & still fear that if I do I may end up giving up and I don't want to do that either.
And Kindeyes>>how long did it take you to finally get to the place you're at now..I know its different for everyone but I'm at the point where I want to move on & still fear that if I do I may end up giving up and I don't want to do that either.
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: SouthEast
Posts: 159
Hope4Bella,
Obviously if we were able to completely detach all of the time we would not be posting or reading posts on this forum lol.
I fell like I have been going through this my entire life. I doubt my actions to not enable in any way somedays and then I read and reread the self help books, exercise, and meditate until the thoughts pass.
I try to focus on the positive things in my life and give thanks for them, I have many.
When my AS was clean and sober for a year and then relapsed I was snapped right back to START. I honestly was ready to ask for Valium.
When his girlie was sending me nasty messages saying I was the reason my son was so F'd up something in me deep down silently agreed with her. Then I came back to my senses, I did the best I could with what I had at that time.
If my AS continues in this way I may never see him again - but the ball is in his court. He is an adult and I will not be physically or mentally abused by anyone ever again. It may be the drugs talking but it still hurts.
Take it one day at a time and enjoy life. We all deserve it!
Obviously if we were able to completely detach all of the time we would not be posting or reading posts on this forum lol.
I fell like I have been going through this my entire life. I doubt my actions to not enable in any way somedays and then I read and reread the self help books, exercise, and meditate until the thoughts pass.
I try to focus on the positive things in my life and give thanks for them, I have many.
When my AS was clean and sober for a year and then relapsed I was snapped right back to START. I honestly was ready to ask for Valium.
When his girlie was sending me nasty messages saying I was the reason my son was so F'd up something in me deep down silently agreed with her. Then I came back to my senses, I did the best I could with what I had at that time.
If my AS continues in this way I may never see him again - but the ball is in his court. He is an adult and I will not be physically or mentally abused by anyone ever again. It may be the drugs talking but it still hurts.
Take it one day at a time and enjoy life. We all deserve it!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
Dear Hope, I went through this when my son was MIA and believe me, there were days when I was lucky if I actually could think about something for more than 10 minutes! As everyone mentions, it is so difficult when it is your child, BUT as you are learning, you did not cause, control nor can you cure this . Gentle hugs and we do care. You can post as much as you need to to get that clarity both in your heart and your head.
A wise SR member once said to me, "while you are worrying in your despair, your son is out there doing what he wants to do most likely having fun and feeling no pain". Most likely not even aware of your despair. She was absolutely right! Now mine is in jail so it is easier, but it doesn't mean I am not in that same boat from time to time, when I need to continually GIVE IT UP even by the minute.
I understand and you are FINE :ghug3
A wise SR member once said to me, "while you are worrying in your despair, your son is out there doing what he wants to do most likely having fun and feeling no pain". Most likely not even aware of your despair. She was absolutely right! Now mine is in jail so it is easier, but it doesn't mean I am not in that same boat from time to time, when I need to continually GIVE IT UP even by the minute.
I understand and you are FINE :ghug3
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
And Kindeyes>>how long did it take you to finally get to the place you're at now..I know its different for everyone but I'm at the point where I want to move on & still fear that if I do I may end up giving up and I don't want to do that either.
We did an intervention about six years ago. He went to in patient treatment and that is where I began MY recovery. Recovering addicts helped me to understand my part in the dance of addiction. But it still took me three more years to really throw myself into recovery and work the program that I wished my son would. He relapsed about four months after getting out of rehab.
As far as I feel that I've come.....I have that much further to go.
So.....why am I here now? Why do I still go to Nar-Anon meetings? Because I want to give back what others so freely gave to me......the knowledge that serenity is possible whether the addict is using.....or not. (It's step 12 and it's part of my maintenance plan:-)
And do I have hope for my son? Absolutely......always have......always will.....but sometimes I have to hope from afar. And that's ok. He knows I love him.
gentle hugs
ke
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 267
The serenity we strive for is equated in my mind with "getting off the roller coaster." I've been regularly attending AAnon for a year and a half, have a sponsor, and meet weekly with a Step 4 group. While I am not there get, the roller coaster is a bit "smoothed" out for me - the dips are not as low.
Progress, not perfection.
Progress, not perfection.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
My codependency is a disease of my own ego. I once thought I had the power to snap my daughter out of addiction.
The more I tried to control my daughter, the more out of control I became. I put my own emotional,physical and financial wellbeing into serious jeopardy. Eventually I chose to save myself.
Eventually my daughter chose to save herself and did so in her own time, not mine.
Today, we are both very cognizant of eachother's hula-hoop and strive to stay in our own.
I can still occasionally get caught up in an internal game of " what if". I allow myself 5 minutes of this noise before relying on my version of the Serenity Prayer to bring me back to reality.
The more I tried to control my daughter, the more out of control I became. I put my own emotional,physical and financial wellbeing into serious jeopardy. Eventually I chose to save myself.
Eventually my daughter chose to save herself and did so in her own time, not mine.
Today, we are both very cognizant of eachother's hula-hoop and strive to stay in our own.
I can still occasionally get caught up in an internal game of " what if". I allow myself 5 minutes of this noise before relying on my version of the Serenity Prayer to bring me back to reality.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Although an addict does not actually CHOOSE to become addicted, they do have the choice to seek recovery......or not. We (codependents) also have choices......I chose to buy my ticket for the roller coaster for a long time. We can choose to get off of it anytime we want to.....
I don't really have problems......most of the time, I just have solutions I don't like.
gentle hugs
ke
I don't really have problems......most of the time, I just have solutions I don't like.
gentle hugs
ke
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 16
Another roller coaster day today. I know this is really tiny in comparison to what others have experienced, but I deleted her phone number from my cell. It took me almost 30 minutes to do it. I stopped myself in the process asking myself if I really wanted it and I did it. I felt a huge sense of relief at first, but a couple hours of later I panicked. What If wanted to text her? Call her? I wouldnīt be able to get in touch with her. Right now, not panicking anymore and coming back to the conclusion it was right. I donīt need to call her and I donīt want to call her and donīt want to be called by her. I relied on many things I read here. Especially, knowing that codependency isnīt love.
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