wakethesheep

This is all new to me........ because I grew up in a religious home and no one in my family (at least the ones I saw on a regular basis) partakes of alcohol.

So.. I had never been around it, never even been around a drunk person until after high school.

And now, my mother in law is an alcoholic. This is incredibly frustrating because we live with her, for various reasons - suffice it to say our financial situation is not as great as it could be. I don't know how to deal with someone who is intoxicated, so I ignore her, but it is HARD!

Anyway it seems like every year around this time she gets in a huge fight with my hubby and tries to kick us out. The past 2 years we really did get kicked out. But the thing is, we have a small child, so we can't afford to get kicked out. It's bearable most of the time but once a year they fight. It never fails.

Tonight, she was watching 2 of hubby's kids from another marriage, and she was drinking around them which he has asked her not to do (she complied once and continued to do it of course) ....basically he got pissed off about that and hid her wine. So she came in our room looking for it and tried to say we play her and tried to act like we stole her debit card and all kinds of other crazy nonsense. And then hubby's brother comes in our room and says he's calling the police (which he didn't, thankfully, though that would've made them both look stupid) because he stole her wine! ?!?!?! And he had the nerve to say something about how she can barely pay her bills, so we should give the wine back because she can't afford to buy any more. WHAT?!?!?!?!? She can't pay her bills? maybe she should stop smoking and drinking!!!!!!!??!?!

I really do feel like I'm going crazy because hubby's brother and step dad live in the house as well, and they will admit to us that she has a problem - but not to her. We constantly ask each other if we're doing the right thing because we seem to be alone in wanting to get help. She thinks she isn't an alcoholic just because there are people worse than her, that she watches on TV and proceeds to talk crap about. She thinks she isn't an alcoholic just because she doesn't drink at work or during the day (she does drink during the day, if 4pm counts as during the day)... but she fits all the signs and symptoms of alcoholism... she only drinks one brand, she has 4+ 5oz portions of strong white wine every night, it affects her family, she lost her job and was out of work for over a year b/c of it, she neglects her grandkids when they come over (don't even get me started on those kids' mom asking this woman to watch her kids!!!!!!!) Tonight she even said to us, "oh you can deal with these crying kids because you hid my wine" or something along those lines. ?!?!?!!!!!!!!!! Come on now really?! She also takes ambien every night around 6 or 7pm. And we have suspected she has a cocaine problem (would def explain the "not being able to pay bills" thing) because she has in the past and I have even seen her do it...

It definitely doesn't help that step-father-in-law has his own "issues" and sides with her when she's drunk and sides with us when she's not around, and is all willing to help us financially one day and basically calls us free loaders the next, etc. Even if mother-in-law is saying completely untrue things about us....step-dad-in-law & brother-in-law side with her! i.e. She says that she pays for all our stuff and buys us food and all kinds of stuff... which is untrue... and hubbys step dad & bro are agreeing! When his bro is older, has no kids, lives there for free, and sits on his computer in the basement 24/7.......................... Pretty much the same thing w/ the step-dad (hubby's mom pays all major bills and buys food, etc)

Can I just say.....WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF!

Now add in the fact that 2 out of the 3 kids in the house WON'T stop crying...AND I have a headache today. It took everything I had not to snap on them... and is taking everything I have now not to go off topic and vent about it, lol. I was going to either cry or snap. Instead I vented to hubby a bit & came here.

It would nice to have someone to talk to, especially someone who is or was new to dealing with an alcoholic. I'd also like some advice on how to go about getting help for her. The only thing I can think of to do is video tape her and show her when she's sober. She's a completely different person, she's responsible, intelligent, hard working, helpful, generous, easy to talk to, etc. when sober. (Which is another reason we've let this go on, because she's a "model citizen" when sober)

I'm non-confrontational but it looks like I'm going to have to get over that. *sigh*

Dealing with a drunk person is like dealing with a ******** child except you have no sympathy because they only act like that when they're drunk.

Jody675

sounds like a very happy household....not

you may not want to hear this but at the end of the day, how she wants to live her life in her house is her business. nothing you say or do can change the situation for her. if she isnt ready to admit she has a problem then nothing you say or do will change that.

if you dont like the way the people in this house live, then maybe you should find a much more stable place for you and your family to move to. do you really want your children growing up in house like this? i understand financially that things are very difficult and that this family is allowing you to live under their roof while you try and get on your feet, but maybe its time to find something different, as there isnt anything you can do to change this situation.

i hope you find some peace soon in a lot less drama filled environment and do what is best for you and your children.

soberwife2012

i agree with jody 675 that you are in unhappy household and your mil has every right to do as she pleases.... the only thing you can do is find a church or family to help you and your children out. my heart goes out to you but you can not change your mil...she has to want to change

laurie6781

If y'all are that financially strapped, then it is time to go to the Welfare office and ask for ALL the help they can give you, be it food stamps, and medicaid for your child's health, Sec 8 for a reasonable place to live, and then help with utilities, etc. Salvation Army will help y'all with furniture, etc

You cannot change her, you cannot help someone who does not want or is not ready to admit they have a problem. That is a very Toxic environment to raise a child(ren) in.

Please look into getting a different place to live for you and your family. There is help out there, you have to ask for it and look for it.

Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing as we do care very much. Feel free to vent, cry, rant, rave, scream, and yes even laugh now and again.

Love and hugs,

redatlanta

My dad used to say the person who pays the bills makes the rules.

You are in her house, she is paying your bills - maybe not all of them but certainly a fair portion.

It sounds like to me grandma gets dumped on a lot to take care of people and their children.

As to her drinking problem - spend as much time on here educating yourself about alcoholism. Even if you got everyone on board no one can make her stop drinking. No one. You are also unable to set and reinforce boundaries, you are at her mercy in her home it is you and your family that has been asked to leave twice, she ain't going anywhere.......hiding alcohol and dumping alcohol is a waste of time btw.

I agree with Laurie6781 - there are other avenues you can take to get out of there via government assistance. It might not be what you want but it is possible. This house is toxic.

You and your husband would do well to attend al anon, it will help you both.