Why did this have to happen to me ?
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Kentucky
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Why did this have to happen to me ?
Sometimes I wonder why this had to happen to me ? Why did it have to be my mom that became addicted to prescription drugs ? I hate that I have to feel the way I do , and know what I do about addiction.Maybe because I am younger it is harder because no one else around me has to deal with such serious topics as addiction , but sometimes I just wish I didn't have to. Everyone always tells me the experience made me stronger and a better person. I hope that's true , but it is still hard. I don't know if it makes any sense , but sometimes I just really wish I never had to go through any of these , even if she is a year sober. I know in reality it made me stronger and probably made me a better person , but just sometimes I wonder what it would be like if none of this ever happened. Thanks for listening if that made and sense 
.
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Join Date: Jun 2002
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Bless you, dear one. Having a parent active in addiction has to be even harder than having a son or daughter caught up in it. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this and pray God's blessings and comfort for you!
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 462
piglet it does suck that we dont have the perfect parents, or even normal parents, and it isnt fair that you have to deal with all of this from a young age, but wishing it away is kind of pointless. the best i can offer is just learn about what you dont want to repeat in your own life and relationships. learn how to be a better person. maybe find out why your mum is addict. there might be no good reason, but it might help for you to understand the reason she is who she is.
my parents werent addicts, but my childhood was far from perfect. i was sexually abused by my grandfather when i was 6. i could torture myself and my mum as to why she let this man in our house when she knew he touched little girls. why did she not protect us. but its pointless. besides the fact that she died 8 years ago at age 61, she too had no ability to show love or protect us as she had been abused emotionally and sexually too growing up. understanding that helped for me to just accept the situation as one i could not change, but i could learn from and move forward and protect my children from the same type of situations. i make sure i have a close relationship with them as i never had that as a child. i teach them about abuse of all kinds, so they feel strong enough to talk about things with me, and protect themselves. i accept that my mum did the best job she did with the tools she had been given. she loves me in her own way, and she didnt just hand us over to him knowing what he would do, she just didnt want to think about it happening and so had no way of stopping it. dont bury you head in the sand about it. accept that your mum is the way she is. you dont have to accept the abuse or neglect, and if you are able, and you dont feel safe at home, maybe find somewhere else to live, (another family member or close friend). dont rely on your mum to be there for you when you need it most. find others who can take on this role. the more people the better as then you arent just relying on the one person. this experience will make you stronger. but it all depends on your view point, on how it affects and changes your life. is it going to be in a positive or negative way. this is where you have choices. which way are you going to go?
my parents werent addicts, but my childhood was far from perfect. i was sexually abused by my grandfather when i was 6. i could torture myself and my mum as to why she let this man in our house when she knew he touched little girls. why did she not protect us. but its pointless. besides the fact that she died 8 years ago at age 61, she too had no ability to show love or protect us as she had been abused emotionally and sexually too growing up. understanding that helped for me to just accept the situation as one i could not change, but i could learn from and move forward and protect my children from the same type of situations. i make sure i have a close relationship with them as i never had that as a child. i teach them about abuse of all kinds, so they feel strong enough to talk about things with me, and protect themselves. i accept that my mum did the best job she did with the tools she had been given. she loves me in her own way, and she didnt just hand us over to him knowing what he would do, she just didnt want to think about it happening and so had no way of stopping it. dont bury you head in the sand about it. accept that your mum is the way she is. you dont have to accept the abuse or neglect, and if you are able, and you dont feel safe at home, maybe find somewhere else to live, (another family member or close friend). dont rely on your mum to be there for you when you need it most. find others who can take on this role. the more people the better as then you arent just relying on the one person. this experience will make you stronger. but it all depends on your view point, on how it affects and changes your life. is it going to be in a positive or negative way. this is where you have choices. which way are you going to go?
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 20
For me a lot of the times writing it out and saying it makes me feel better. I don't keep it bottled up and most of the time I feel better . I know I have a lot of work to do one myself still , but putting my feelings out in the open helps. I think for me I need to work on realizing I can't do anything about what happened now , it happened. I have a hard time with change and I am just now getting back into everything being normal again and it has brought up a lot of feelings from last year. I know I need to work them out on my own and focus on now , not the past. Thanks for reading and listening to me ramble on ! Thank you !
. I know I have a lot of work to do one myself still , but putting my feelings out in the open helps. I think for me I need to work on realizing I can't do anything about what happened now , it happened. I have a hard time with change and I am just now getting back into everything being normal again and it has brought up a lot of feelings from last year. I know I need to work them out on my own and focus on now , not the past. Thanks for reading and listening to me ramble on ! Thank you !
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 462
i love to write too. i use to write a lot of letters (and was dumb enough to send most of them). am only just learning that the point of writing them is just to get my thoughts out. they dont need to go anywhere else. i am really only doing it for myself anyway. and i would agree that most of what i wrote was rambling a lot of rubbish....lol but i did feel better after.
its completely understandable that you are feeling like this now that your mum was clean. questions about why she couldnt have done this earlier, ect are perfectly normal in the grief process. eventually you will get to acceptance of the situation and realise that you can not go back and change it, and you did not cause her to be an addict. most kids do believe they caused their parents to drink or take drugs. they need to feel they have control over it, so they can change the outcome. if only i was a better child, or not so naughty or noisy. but when we give back all of those times to our parents and realise that we had absolutely no control over their addictions or the outcomes we can start the process of acceptance.
keep posting (rambling...lol). whatever helps you just keep doing it as long as you are getting positive results.
its completely understandable that you are feeling like this now that your mum was clean. questions about why she couldnt have done this earlier, ect are perfectly normal in the grief process. eventually you will get to acceptance of the situation and realise that you can not go back and change it, and you did not cause her to be an addict. most kids do believe they caused their parents to drink or take drugs. they need to feel they have control over it, so they can change the outcome. if only i was a better child, or not so naughty or noisy. but when we give back all of those times to our parents and realise that we had absolutely no control over their addictions or the outcomes we can start the process of acceptance.
keep posting (rambling...lol). whatever helps you just keep doing it as long as you are getting positive results.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
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Piglet - I am sorry for your pain. But I think you would be surprised how many of your friends have to deal with it and just don't talk about it.
Please don't feel the shame of another persons choices. It doesn't mean she didn't love you. Addiction has nothing to do with how much someone loves you.
Please don't feel the shame of another persons choices. It doesn't mean she didn't love you. Addiction has nothing to do with how much someone loves you.
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 285
Piglet - Oh honey - I'm so sorry that you are going through this and so impressed with how strong you are to reach out. Not sure how old you are; but, my son is 14 and his dad is in active prescription addiction right now. Believe me- you are not alone. There are alot more people out there that are aware and have pain and heartache in their families. I've tried to give my son information on alateen and websites, but he's not ready. So I just continue to work on my therapy and he is in private therapy as well. It's great that you can get your thoughts out and write. That is one of my favorite outlet's, as well. The most important thing for me was to stop asking why and trying to rationalize what happened to my xAH and accept that I'm here. Easier said than done -- I'm a 40 year old woman and struggle with this, I can't imagine what my boys think and feel. I continue to remind them there is nothing they did to cause this, they can't control this or cure it. The only thing they can do is keep themselves healthy. I also continue to explain to them that this is not about their dad not loving them enough, their dad is trapped and needs to fight to recover. I wish you well and know you are not alone. Hang in there.
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