meilander

Hi everyone, I would like to know if anyone here has any suggestions for my situation. I am a 28 year old female, have always used various drugs since I was 17...most notably uppers such as meth and adderall...quit those on my own about five years ago, and have been an alcoholic pretty much since then.
I went to rehab a little more than 2 years ago, did AA and NA, was not impressed at all...I hated all the war stories of drug/alcohol use...those things just trigger me..
I achieved about 3 or 4 months of sobriety...and then slowly the alcohol use began again. It went from once a week to twice a week...to now where I am not meeting my commitments and instead taking days off to drink...
I have also worked with some of the concepts with SMART, although those are hard to sustain without support.
I just want to be sober...and not be obsessive over my next drink...any suggestions?

Dee74

Coming here could be a great start meilander.
I really found the support here helped me turn things around.

Good to have you join us too - welcome!

D

hypochondriac

Are you going to SMART meetings Meilander? Maybe that would be something good to get involved in. Or look into AVRT if you haven't already. Maybe there are some outpatient support groups near you too. Or try and find some one on one support? I found a lot hard to deal with early on and when I first went to AA I found it really depressing... a few months later not so much. Maybe it will get easier for you too. Spending time here is always good too x

meilander

I have all the books on AVRT and SMART...those methods seem the most reasonable to me, but there are no local meetings in my area. I believe in AA too, it's just my experience with AA and NA was very negative, and I am afraid to get involved with those again. One thing I was told in rehab was that I was so lucky to have no legal record, and then in AA/NA its like everyone who told their story had a record of some sort. I have things like a job and an education that are very important to me, I don't mean this to sound patronizing, but without those things I can't imagine sustaining a liveable life. So once I start drinking I stock up and buy 36 or more beers at a time, I drink at least 12 beers a night when I am drinking. That's why I don't have a DUI..it's the only reason...but some don't understand that. I recognize the importance of having people who understand...I suppose that is what I am seeking here...

hypochondriac

You sound like me Meilander. I never had a DUI either, purely on the basis that I didn't learn to drive because I was always drinking. I only really quit in the end because it was threatening my career. I can't work with shaking hands! I was chatting to some AA people yesterday and I am starting to realise that people like us are the ones who tend to not say anything in meetings. Fear of rejection maybe? I have certainly felt at times that I wasn't bad enough to warrant the extent of help I am getting. I felt like people in AA would dismiss me as not a real alcoholic. None of those fears are based on anything anyone has actually said to me. In fact I am always relieved when I talk to people that these thoughts appear to be normal and everyone had them! Maybe try a few different meetings and keep working on the SMART stuff too. I have been using bits of everything to help me including one on one support. I needed something neutral just to have a constant support but I am getting more comfortable in AA now. PM me if you ever want to chat x

meilander

I agree that AA could definitely be the place where I begin my recovery again, if for nothing else just to feel like I am among somewhat other understanding people. So hopefully tomorrow night I will be more hopeful of a recovery...I will let you know!