eveleivibe

[B][Without strong foundations the building will crumble... /B]

So often I read on here how partners have not been able to communicate, trust their loved one. They will come here and ask questions; should I stay with him / her. Ok addiction aside, say for instance the partner is a recovering addict or has cheated, say for instance the couple raise voices n 'argue,' talk over one another rather than 'listen' to one another. Say for instance, one has cheated leading to loss of trust from the other, doubt, paranoia, obsessing - that sort of thing. Whether these issues involve addiction or not - the foundations have been dealt a severe blow--- and threat to the strength of the foundations leads to the safety of the building (the relationship) no longer a guarantee.

Now--- how do we make the building safe again? We work on the foundations. We try to find out if the foundations were strong before the blow n if not, why not? If they were strong before, we look at the strength of the foundations when n after the blow was hit.

Now the blow could be addiction, cheating, illness or whatever.
We try to fix this in whatever way works best for us. For some its counselling (couple / individual / both / family). For others it's getting advice off friends, family, forums etc who may point out things like lack of communication and / trust.

If the foundations can not be repaired after work has been done to try and repair these then its best to let the building crumble and build a new one or simply walk down that path in nature's beauty n KNOW you tried but the building was no longer that building you once knew. You will always hold it in your memory but as you walk down that path, full of potential unseen holes n rays of sunshine you hold your head up high knowing there may be new foundation where another building can be built but you are in control of your journey as you keep walking along that path.

If the foundations can be repaired don't place high expectations. Don't expect it to be candlelit dinners in the penthouse, watching the sunset on a warm summer's day--- be grateful for toast n water, in the cold basement. If you don't expect candlelit dinners in the penthouse how can you be disappointed if you're eating toast in a freezing cold basement??? Work hard to fix what has broken n be appreciative of all the little things, the things so often we take for granted. And when things get back to a good point--- do not disregard the foundations that once had experienced that severe blow, let the marks be a visible reminder of where you went wrong to try to prevent this happening again.

I wish you all peace, love n happiness xoxoxoxo