one more time....

Old 11-18-2012, 10:49 AM
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one more time....

One more time down the same pot-filled road
We discoverd my son was a heroin addict one year ago. Since that time he was in and out of juv. detention. He stole jewelry and checks from us in that time period—he paid us back out of his savings (which are now gone) He has been in two in-pt rehabs-kicked out of both. We sent him to a program for troubled youth that he was kicked out of for vandalizing a counselors car. We would not take him back home after that and he went to a youth shelter. He promptly overdosed on heroin and cocaine and spent 2 weeks in ICU last summer—almost died. He was quite ill after that. We let him come home. He is now 19. Since last summer he has had 4 jobs that he got and lost (fired from two, quit two) He moved out into an apartment in Oct. He is now moving out west and may not be back. He did not say goodbye or even tell us he was leaving. He only contacts us if he needs something. According to friends he is drinking and smoking pot.
Today we found out that he “borrowed” a credit card from my husband while we were out of town last month and charged 200.00. My husband reported it to the police hoping he would get locked up. I am a little peeved that my dh did not lock up his credit cards—we bought a large gun safe for that very reason—all guns, extra credit cards, checks , ids and valuable jewelry is now locked up in the safe.
Well... in the process my other son who is waiting to go in the Marines is being questioned about the credit card abuse. He is furious with my husband as this will have to be reported.
I go to al-anon pretty frequently. However I am at the point that I just want to close the door on my son—I don’t want the drama and I don’t want to hear what he is or isn’t doing. I plan to take him out of the will. Has anyone else ever done this??I am tired of being the mother of an addict, discussing it; explaining to people, answering questions, worrying etc.
Any thoughts??
I suppose I sound heartless but my son, who we adopted at age 2, has been in continuous trouble since jr hi. He has had counseling, seen psychiatrists, we have had family counseling for long periods, partial day programs several times etc.
Sorry for rambling!!
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Old 11-18-2012, 11:36 AM
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Welcome to SR!! You have come to right place for support.

My son is 16 and I have been living it too. Very similar, just throw in a bomb threat at school, running away, thousands of dollars worth of property and money stolen from my home. After he got kicked out of the last program, I refused to pick him up too. To make things worse, I discovered my husband was addicted to pain pills. Addiction does not discriminate, that's for sure.

Although, your husband forgot to lock up the credit card, your son is still to blame. Try and keep the anger directed where it belongs. Sometimes I would forgot to lock something up too and paid the price (a diamond bracelet, a ring, etc.) I had to lock up things before I went in the shower. Good for your husband though, that he is willing to press charges!! In the beginning, my husband always fought me on it. "He didn't want to hurt his future." Boy, is that a decision he regrets now. But because many items were "family" property (xbox, wii, ps3, games, etc) and he was part of the family, I couldn't even press charges anyway. My son even successfully passed court ordered drug testing, all while using drugs.

I understand your frustration and pain. You are not alone.
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Old 11-18-2012, 04:23 PM
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Karrie,

Welcome to SR. You do not sound at all out of line for the feelings you are having, for wanting to shut the door on your son, his addiction and all the troubles that go along with it. I understand (and I'm sure many others do as well) the feeling. You are not alone.

I know my attendance at AlAnon and NarAnon really saved my life, helped me to meet some amazing people and has given me tools to remain sane.

I don't have a "will" per se, but have changed my beneficiary to 60% to my daughter and 40% to my (now sober) son. During his years of using I had even changed it to 100% to my daughter. As time goes on and maybe he begins to take more responsibility for living an independent life I may change it to 50/50. But for now that's not the case. He still has a ways to go.
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Old 11-18-2012, 06:38 PM
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thanks for your replies. it is so helpful to hear from people who have lived it.
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