to quote someone wiser than me...
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to quote someone wiser than me...
Aka cynical one "... using looks like using..." I relapsed tonight 
when ABF didn't show, and his phone was off, I stopped by his house and of course he wasn't there. he was supposed to be here 2 hours ago. you guys are right. We don't need drug tests. I wanted to stay and "catch" him, but thought better of it, and went home. I should have just let it go and gone to bed, but I do feel better now that I know. I mean he could be at the bar, not smoking heroin, but still... take the drugs out of it. he stood me up. But I really don't think this is an innocent disappearance. Now I just have to get myself to not care. I don't know what to say the next time I talk to him, or how to handle this. I have thought about going no contact and that is a huge step in my recovery. Thanks for giving me a safe place to vent. And now, a bubble bath to pray and give him to god and ask for wisdom and strength. pshh if only doing it was as easy and saying that you want to. :-( cuz right now I don't want to say goodbye. I don't want to lose hope. I don't want to not talk to him.
when ABF didn't show, and his phone was off, I stopped by his house and of course he wasn't there. he was supposed to be here 2 hours ago. you guys are right. We don't need drug tests. I wanted to stay and "catch" him, but thought better of it, and went home. I should have just let it go and gone to bed, but I do feel better now that I know. I mean he could be at the bar, not smoking heroin, but still... take the drugs out of it. he stood me up. But I really don't think this is an innocent disappearance. Now I just have to get myself to not care. I don't know what to say the next time I talk to him, or how to handle this. I have thought about going no contact and that is a huge step in my recovery. Thanks for giving me a safe place to vent. And now, a bubble bath to pray and give him to god and ask for wisdom and strength. pshh if only doing it was as easy and saying that you want to. :-( cuz right now I don't want to say goodbye. I don't want to lose hope. I don't want to not talk to him. 
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It was just a blip - don't worry about it. You are human. I know how it feels to obsess over a loved one, trying to get in touch with them, the anxiety etc. when my ex would play his games I'd constantly phone n text n wouldn't feel right until I had got in touch.
Look at it this way, yes you stopped by there but didn't you say you used to call him 30 times a night? Shows you are improving, right???
Instead of being down on yourself think about the positives, of how far you've come.
Keep doing what you are doing by posting, going to meetings. As for not caring - that is going to take time, you are a human being n cannot switch your feelings off. Time is a great healer
Take care n hugs,
Evey xxx
Look at it this way, yes you stopped by there but didn't you say you used to call him 30 times a night? Shows you are improving, right???
Instead of being down on yourself think about the positives, of how far you've come.
Keep doing what you are doing by posting, going to meetings. As for not caring - that is going to take time, you are a human being n cannot switch your feelings off. Time is a great healer
Take care n hugs,
Evey xxx
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I am sorry Lily. Loving an active addict is always very painful. You have a lot to be thankful for though. You are not married to him, do not live together, or have children. Those things can make things more complicated.
Sounds like you are making positive changes, good for you!!
P.S. If he was at the bar drinking, he is not working his recovery. Clean and sober is no mind altering drugs and alcohol is still a drug. Also, drinking brings many addicts back to their DOC.
Sounds like you are making positive changes, good for you!!
P.S. If he was at the bar drinking, he is not working his recovery. Clean and sober is no mind altering drugs and alcohol is still a drug. Also, drinking brings many addicts back to their DOC.
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Originally Posted by LoveMeNot 
I am sorry Lily. Loving an active addict is always very painful. You have a lot to be thankful for though. You are not married to him, do not live together, or have children. Those things can make things more complicated.
Sounds like you are making positive changes, good for you!!
P.S. If he was at the bar drinking, he is not working his recovery. Clean and sober is no mind altering drugs and alcohol is still a drug. Also, drinking brings many addicts back to their DOC.
Sounds like you are making positive changes, good for you!!
P.S. If he was at the bar drinking, he is not working his recovery. Clean and sober is no mind altering drugs and alcohol is still a drug. Also, drinking brings many addicts back to their DOC.
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Originally Posted by Lily1918
Agreed. completely. thank you for your words. ugh I hate that he is still active in his addiction. Why did I believe those pink cloud things he said right after rehab?
Glad to hear you are working on you because without doing so you will mostly continue to repeat the same type of "relationships" over and over.
Healthy attracts Healthy, Sick attracts Sick!
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I wish I could fast forward past the pain. and right now I wish my addict was special I wish I could have a miracle. sorry for being so down in the dumps. you're right. Im not married to him, we don't have children, and our lives aren't joined. Thank you so much for being there for me when I feel so alone. Im sure there are plenty of good men out there, but I want to stop loving this one, and even better, stop wanting a man all together. be cold and heartless and just not care anymore. shut down and just give up on love. screw it. Im so angry.... wow reread what I just wrote. why do I care that he's using!? Im so stupid. I don't want to care but I do. Im like an addict who doesn't want to use but does anyway. Thanks again. hmmm just got to church, and I think going to a meeting is a good idea. Huggs everyone! "this is the day my lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it" ya right. but if I say it and think it enough, then maybe... maybe it will come true
sorry for being so down in the dumps. you're right. Im not married to him, we don't have children, and our lives aren't joined. Thank you so much for being there for me when I feel so alone. Im sure there are plenty of good men out there, but I want to stop loving this one, and even better, stop wanting a man all together. be cold and heartless and just not care anymore. shut down and just give up on love. screw it. Im so angry.... wow reread what I just wrote. why do I care that he's using!? Im so stupid. I don't want to care but I do. Im like an addict who doesn't want to use but does anyway. Thanks again. hmmm just got to church, and I think going to a meeting is a good idea. Huggs everyone! "this is the day my lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it" ya right. but if I say it and think it enough, then maybe... maybe it will come true
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God is knocking at your heart, let Him in. He will answer your prayers but He will answer them in His way and His time. He has a plan for your life but it's up to you to follow it.
Life is a short season in God's plan for us. Your experience with your bf can be a time of growth, healing and a trial thats brings you closer to God or a time to turn away from Him, become bitter and learn nothing. But until you finally surrender, seek out God's guidance, and do the hard work on you, I promise you, you will continue to make the same mistakes over and over and over again.
Please know I am not trying to lecture you. I am just sharing what many of us have learned the hard way. I hope and pray you aren't one of us.
Life is a short season in God's plan for us. Your experience with your bf can be a time of growth, healing and a trial thats brings you closer to God or a time to turn away from Him, become bitter and learn nothing. But until you finally surrender, seek out God's guidance, and do the hard work on you, I promise you, you will continue to make the same mistakes over and over and over again.
Please know I am not trying to lecture you. I am just sharing what many of us have learned the hard way. I hope and pray you aren't one of us.
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Originally Posted by LoveMeNot
God is knocking at your heart, let Him in. He will answer your prayers but He will answer them in His way and His time. He has a plan for your life but it's up to you to follow it.
Life is a short season in God's plan for us. Your experience with your bf can be a time of growth, healing and a trial thats brings you closer to God or a time to turn away from Him, become bitter and learn nothing. But until you finally surrender, seek out God's guidance, and do the hard work on you, I promise you, you will continue to make the same mistakes over and over and over again.
Please know I am not trying to lecture you. I am just sharing what many of us have learned the hard way. I hope and pray you aren't one of us.
Life is a short season in God's plan for us. Your experience with your bf can be a time of growth, healing and a trial thats brings you closer to God or a time to turn away from Him, become bitter and learn nothing. But until you finally surrender, seek out God's guidance, and do the hard work on you, I promise you, you will continue to make the same mistakes over and over and over again.
Please know I am not trying to lecture you. I am just sharing what many of us have learned the hard way. I hope and pray you aren't one of us.
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It doesnt mean hes still active. Not everyone does the NA / AA thing n plenty have had alcohol n not gone back to their DOC. Sorry just my opinion.
If you want to make things work you have both got to communicate n trust. Addiction or no addiction - trust n communication are the foundations of any relationship. Without these you do not have a relation unless you work on fixing the foundations in order from keeping the building from falling.
I'm sorry we cannot all agree n my opinion differs somewhat to others but take what benefits you n leave what doesn't.
Hugs,
Evey xxxx
If you want to make things work you have both got to communicate n trust. Addiction or no addiction - trust n communication are the foundations of any relationship. Without these you do not have a relation unless you work on fixing the foundations in order from keeping the building from falling.
I'm sorry we cannot all agree n my opinion differs somewhat to others but take what benefits you n leave what doesn't.
Hugs,
Evey xxxx
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Well, he counts drunkenness as falling, because of his "belief system" if that's really what he believes. I do to because god doesn't have anything nice to say about drunkenness, and I feel its the same as being high. but I understand other people may not agree, and that's ok
I am thankful though that I get along so well with his family and we can all stand together and support each other against enabling. he's just gonna have to go stay at church on the street or in a shelter. He has to follow the rules of his mothers house and he has broken them. I cannot allow him to come stay with me. I love him, I do. I find it hard to be strong in my recovery when he falls that's not healthy for me. And he was doing so well. I pray he picks himself back up if he did go on a bender, and if all is well in the land of his recovery and he is merely having an affair then so be it she can have him and his demons. may god have mercy on his soul. poor caged thing that it is inside that heroin fueled zombie I love so much. sorry for venting ugh. just trying to let go and wrap my head around going No Contact.
I am thankful though that I get along so well with his family and we can all stand together and support each other against enabling. he's just gonna have to go stay at church on the street or in a shelter. He has to follow the rules of his mothers house and he has broken them. I cannot allow him to come stay with me. I love him, I do. I find it hard to be strong in my recovery when he falls
that's not healthy for me. And he was doing so well. I pray he picks himself back up if he did go on a bender, and if all is well in the land of his recovery and he is merely having an affair then so be it she can have him and his demons. may god have mercy on his soul. poor caged thing that it is inside that heroin fueled zombie I love so much. sorry for venting ugh. just trying to let go and wrap my head around going No Contact.
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He is an addict and alcohol is a drug. Recovering addicts are dedicated to being clean of any and all drugs.
Lily, God will walk you through this. Stay faithful honey. HE is there for your BF when he wants HIM too. (Maybe it would help you too to visualize handing him over to God and letting go.)
Lily, God will walk you through this. Stay faithful honey. HE is there for your BF when he wants HIM too. (Maybe it would help you too to visualize handing him over to God and letting go.)
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Im trying to let go right now. I really don't want to and am falling hard and fast. his phone pocket dialed me, I don't like what I heard. :,( all those hopes and dreams have crashed. I have many blessings to count, and am counting them as we speak, but I am heartbroken. I told him he may come get his things over a text message, his mom knows and is kicking him out and taking his phone.I m so proud of her. I know it will be hard to do. She told me I have to break up with him, and my dad said so too. children obey your parents right? Im such a codependent freak! I hate the girl I see in the mirror . how did both of us go from daily meetings and recovery that looks and tastes real to relapse for both of us, in the blink of an eye!?!? why am I so sick in the head right now that all I want is to hold him and kiss his forehead and tell him god loves him and to pray and tell him everything will be ok?
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