drunk wife and mom
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: washington, DC
Posts: 18
drunk wife and mom
I hope it is ok that I am posting here. I am a married mom of 3 children ages 16,12, and 8. I drink too much wine almost every night. I am a "fun and happy drunk", but I am sure my family is tired of the time and money that is lost because of my drinking. I think my behavior is also sometimes embarrassing. They are all so tolerant, and dont say much to me about it, but my husband wishes I would stop. I have never known or lived with an alcoholic, I AM the alcoholic. Would any of you be willing to tell me directly and honestly what its like to have a wife and parent who is like me? I am hoping it might help me to see things from my family's perspective and provide more incentive for me to stop drinking. Again, I apologize if I am not supposed to post here.
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,899
For a snapshot of what living with addiction does to children, I highly recommend reading everything you can read on the ACOA boards.
Adult Children of Addicted/Alcoholic Parents - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Adult Children of Addicted/Alcoholic Parents - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 2,884
Jenifer, this is a good place to ask that question.
My wife of 36 years was a fun drunk for a long time as well. Then for me and my duaghters if became less and less fun even though she didn't see it that way. She kept going on with her drinking even after we begged her to stop. She also added pills to the mix as well. Multiple trips to the ER, rehab and involuntary treatment. A three year period where I actually thought she was getting better but all she had done was switch from booze to sleeping pills.
We have now been separated for almost 2 years. I am taking my time splitting everything up and some time in the next couple of years will divorce her. I have gone no contact and only speak to her on those rare occasions when we are both at family functions. They are rare because for the most part she simply doesn't see her grandkids very much any more. She is not invited to family functions, she isn't allowed to babysit, she is not allowed to take them anywhere.
I am planning my retirement without her. I will not have anything to do with her ever again.
Her daughter's can't stand her and only see her because of the grand children. If she fell off the face of the planet the only emotion from her family would be relief.
That sound like the future you want? It's totally your choice. Keep drinking and you have a good chance of achieving it or something like it.
Your friend.
My wife of 36 years was a fun drunk for a long time as well. Then for me and my duaghters if became less and less fun even though she didn't see it that way. She kept going on with her drinking even after we begged her to stop. She also added pills to the mix as well. Multiple trips to the ER, rehab and involuntary treatment. A three year period where I actually thought she was getting better but all she had done was switch from booze to sleeping pills.
We have now been separated for almost 2 years. I am taking my time splitting everything up and some time in the next couple of years will divorce her. I have gone no contact and only speak to her on those rare occasions when we are both at family functions. They are rare because for the most part she simply doesn't see her grandkids very much any more. She is not invited to family functions, she isn't allowed to babysit, she is not allowed to take them anywhere.
I am planning my retirement without her. I will not have anything to do with her ever again.
Her daughter's can't stand her and only see her because of the grand children. If she fell off the face of the planet the only emotion from her family would be relief.
That sound like the future you want? It's totally your choice. Keep drinking and you have a good chance of achieving it or something like it.
Your friend.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 14
My alcoholic/addict husband considers himself a fun drunk. He think when he drinks and takes pills it makes him more ambition and better to be around. Funny he is the exact opposite. He is lazy and obnoxious. So obnoxious to the point that no one can stand to be around him especially me and his children. So you may think of yourself as a fun drunk...but I promise you to all the sober people around you, your not.
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
all I can share is that within the last few years ~ 2 of my daughters were married ~ they had nice beautiful weddings ~
they also went to elaborate means to make sure their father, my now exah had NO information about the location, date & time of the wedding ~
His name was not included on the invitation, he was not mentioned anywhere, nor was he invited.
Several men had strict instructions should he happen to appear at the wedding - he was immediately to be escorted off the premises.
They even went so far as to not have the engagement in the paper so that he wouldn't find out about the date
This is what active alcoholism & addiction to families ~
He was sober at one time & walked away from recovery ~ he is no longer allowed to be a part of their lives or his grandchildren ~
it is one of the saddest things ever
please seek help - you and your family are worth it
pink hugs
they also went to elaborate means to make sure their father, my now exah had NO information about the location, date & time of the wedding ~
His name was not included on the invitation, he was not mentioned anywhere, nor was he invited.
Several men had strict instructions should he happen to appear at the wedding - he was immediately to be escorted off the premises.
They even went so far as to not have the engagement in the paper so that he wouldn't find out about the date
This is what active alcoholism & addiction to families ~
He was sober at one time & walked away from recovery ~ he is no longer allowed to be a part of their lives or his grandchildren ~
it is one of the saddest things ever
please seek help - you and your family are worth it
pink hugs
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: PA
Posts: 2,728
I have known my AH for 3 years in April, married for 2 in July. I love him so much. I call him Jimmy but unfortunately, I'm also married to James. I hate James. James lies to me and verbally assaults me telling me to shut my effin mouth when I mention the word vodka. He is is sloppy drunk who too has no ambition. He wreeks of alcohol, puts extreme stress on me and his grown son and leads us down a path of the unknown and for us, that is pretty dang scary because he says he loves us and yet, he is a total douche when he's drunk. His son won't even come over now. He told me last night, he's done. James has pushed him away for many years but Jimmy loves that boy so much and has been a good father when sober.
When Jimmy is on the right path, he is a wonderful husband, very caring, a good provider, and fun to be around. When James is here, he goes to work drunk which is a NO NO and threatens our lively hood and very existance and is NOT fun to be around. He will get hung up on asking me the same question over and over and over again and get mad because I didn't answer his question which in reality, I've already answered it a 1,000 times.
I have came home from work to a bedroom that smells so bad of processed alcohol from him breathing in it all night that it turns my stomach. I have cut him off from sex because I don't like they way he performs and how he breaths in my face. I have told him to sleep on the couch, I've moved to the couch and even kept him out of our bedroom for weeks and my next move is taking our dogs, which are like our children, and leaving. I'm taking the dogs because he won't feed them. He'll lock them in their crates to not have to deal with them. That's not fair so we will leave.
How would you feel if your husband took the kids and left? Do you want to push him to the last straw and find out he'll never be back? What if your children are so sick of it they say, I'm done with you? Do you want that and more importantly, can you handle that?
When Jimmy is on the right path, he is a wonderful husband, very caring, a good provider, and fun to be around. When James is here, he goes to work drunk which is a NO NO and threatens our lively hood and very existance and is NOT fun to be around. He will get hung up on asking me the same question over and over and over again and get mad because I didn't answer his question which in reality, I've already answered it a 1,000 times.
I have came home from work to a bedroom that smells so bad of processed alcohol from him breathing in it all night that it turns my stomach. I have cut him off from sex because I don't like they way he performs and how he breaths in my face. I have told him to sleep on the couch, I've moved to the couch and even kept him out of our bedroom for weeks and my next move is taking our dogs, which are like our children, and leaving. I'm taking the dogs because he won't feed them. He'll lock them in their crates to not have to deal with them. That's not fair so we will leave.
How would you feel if your husband took the kids and left? Do you want to push him to the last straw and find out he'll never be back? What if your children are so sick of it they say, I'm done with you? Do you want that and more importantly, can you handle that?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 326
Originally Posted by 22jennifer 
I am a married mom of 3 children ages 16,12, and 8. I drink too much wine almost every night. I am a "fun and happy drunk", but I am sure my family is tired of the time and money that is lost because of my drinking. I think my behavior is also sometimes embarrassing.
Don't be surprised that as soon as they can, your children will put distance between you and them. Dealing with 'fun and happy' drunks is burdensome.
You are aware that 'time is lost' to your drinking. Care to elaborate what that means?
Originally Posted by 22jennifer
They are all so tolerant, and dont say much to me about it, but my husband wishes I would stop.
They haven't said much about it? Well, why should they have ever had to say ANYTHING about it? How much do they have to say about it to make you stop? Do they have to cry and scream and threaten? If you understand their hints that they don't like it, why do you need to have them push the issue further? Why not be sensitive to the hints? Why make it harder for them than it has to be. After all you are the MOTHER, you have responsibilities to be sensitive to their feelings on this matter.
If your kids have said a little about it and you've ignored it, chances are they are watching and thinking: what's more important? Me or the booze? What are you showing them? It's the booze that's more important.
How can this possibly be good for the family or for you? If you don't stop drinking, everyone loses. If you stop everyone wins. So why drink?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Disputanta Va
Posts: 4
PLEASE don't put yourself in the position I am in. I wish I had read responses like you received a long time ago before I ruined my 24 year marriage. Perhaps the words would have hit home and been the wake up call I needed. Tuesday was our wedding anniversary but we pretty much haven't spoken a normal conversation without a huge fight since October 1st when I got a second DUI and totaled my truck into a tree less than a 1/4 mile from home. I browsed this particular forum for insight on what my family is going through and will my marriage survive. I read your post and beg you not to end up like me. I chose a 12 pack of beer over my husband and two children. How sick is that??? ALL of the warning signs were there that eventually this would happen but my good judgement was so clouded by alcohol I just ignored it. I work 13 + hour shifts at night as a nurse on a cancer unit, still maintain the house, pay bills, run errands plus juggle my kids' busy schedules so I felt entitled to drink. My drinking made my husband mad which only caused me to drink more. I threw away what I loved the most and changed my family's life forever. PLEASE don't let this happen to you. I have been sober 45 days but it is a little too late to matter .... No "do over" for me
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
My oldest daughter lived the first eight years of her life with the insanity of an alcoholic/addict mother.
I went to rehab in 1986, stayed sober/clean for four years. Then after two miserable months of drinking again, I got clean/sober in August of 1990, and have remained so. She grew up around the rooms of AA/NA. She knows what recovery looks like.
She has chosen to deal with her childhood issues by becoming an addict herself. She's also codependent and chooses abusive men. She's 34 now. She started at age 15.
Today I completely understand the intense pain I put my own parents through by dealing with an addicted child myself. The wreckage is beyond description.
Also, my father lost both of his parents to alcohol-related deaths. His mother was 42 and died from cirrhosis of the liver. A year eariler his father died drunk (also in his 40's) in a fire at the booze joint he owned. My dad was still in high school and had two younger brothers to raise.
I love him dearly but I see the lifetime damage to him. He's a workaholic perfectionist. Even though he's retired now, he has no idea how to relax.
It's sad to see.
I went to rehab in 1986, stayed sober/clean for four years. Then after two miserable months of drinking again, I got clean/sober in August of 1990, and have remained so. She grew up around the rooms of AA/NA. She knows what recovery looks like.
She has chosen to deal with her childhood issues by becoming an addict herself. She's also codependent and chooses abusive men. She's 34 now. She started at age 15.
Today I completely understand the intense pain I put my own parents through by dealing with an addicted child myself. The wreckage is beyond description.
Also, my father lost both of his parents to alcohol-related deaths. His mother was 42 and died from cirrhosis of the liver. A year eariler his father died drunk (also in his 40's) in a fire at the booze joint he owned. My dad was still in high school and had two younger brothers to raise.
I love him dearly but I see the lifetime damage to him. He's a workaholic perfectionist. Even though he's retired now, he has no idea how to relax.
It's sad to see.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
When my RAH started acting weird this summer I didn't know what to think - because I never, NEVER thought he would ever drink again. Not with his health issues caused by his raging alcoholism - chronic pancreatitis and insulin dependent diabetes - sober 8 years when I met him
I have put so much work into him, and our relationship to get him healthy. I won't explain how much time or how much money suffice it to say its equivalent to two more jobs and a house.
I will never forget the first day I knew - I smelled it. I was at work. I had a panic attack. I cried so hard I don't know how I made it home. And when I got here you know what he did? Denied. He denied it for months. He would progressively get drunker while sneak drinking and I would sit on the couch on my laptop on SR. At night I would lay beside him and cry myself to sleep this went on for months. I felt helpless.
Finally he admitted it just a couple of weeks ago. He has told me more lies in the past couple of months he never used to be a liar. He cancels on plans we have. I don't trust him - I used to trust him more than anyone. He has gotten violent once while drinking I expect that to happen again. He doesn't drink everyday, he is usually pleasant But it disgusts me - I do not accept him drinking so he doesn't in front of me, sneaks it and then lies to my face. I heard him telling someone about his 10 years of sobriety and had to leave the room. I am SO SICK OF HIS F*****G LIES I could scream. I have come so close to throwing him out more times than I can remember. I still hope he will come to his senses but daily that is less and less.
What has it done to me? I have had shingles twice, hives once, too many sleepless nights. I don't cry anymore because I am detaching. He is the love of my life watching him is watching OUR dreams die a slow very, very painful death.
Oh and he will die. Its always horrific for an alcoholic to relapse. In his case its a death sentence. I hate him for it. I HATE THIS DISEASE. Please get help, please stop.
I have put so much work into him, and our relationship to get him healthy. I won't explain how much time or how much money suffice it to say its equivalent to two more jobs and a house.
I will never forget the first day I knew - I smelled it. I was at work. I had a panic attack. I cried so hard I don't know how I made it home. And when I got here you know what he did? Denied. He denied it for months. He would progressively get drunker while sneak drinking and I would sit on the couch on my laptop on SR. At night I would lay beside him and cry myself to sleep this went on for months. I felt helpless.
Finally he admitted it just a couple of weeks ago. He has told me more lies in the past couple of months he never used to be a liar. He cancels on plans we have. I don't trust him - I used to trust him more than anyone. He has gotten violent once while drinking I expect that to happen again. He doesn't drink everyday, he is usually pleasant But it disgusts me - I do not accept him drinking so he doesn't in front of me, sneaks it and then lies to my face. I heard him telling someone about his 10 years of sobriety and had to leave the room. I am SO SICK OF HIS F*****G LIES I could scream. I have come so close to throwing him out more times than I can remember. I still hope he will come to his senses but daily that is less and less.
What has it done to me? I have had shingles twice, hives once, too many sleepless nights. I don't cry anymore because I am detaching. He is the love of my life watching him is watching OUR dreams die a slow very, very painful death.
Oh and he will die. Its always horrific for an alcoholic to relapse. In his case its a death sentence. I hate him for it. I HATE THIS DISEASE. Please get help, please stop.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 490
Originally Posted by BoxinRotz
He will get hung up on asking me the same question over and over and over again and get mad because I didn't answer his question which in reality, I've already answered it a 1,000 times.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New England
Posts: 350
Jennifer, you deserve better than you are giving yourself. Your family deserves better, but don't forget that you do, too. Get sober for yourself because that is who you want to be. It will be hard as hell but ultimately worth it.
I wish my husband would find his way back to sobriety. I don't have it nearly as bad as many people here do, but it is breaking my heart to watch this man I love throw away his health and his life.
I wish my husband would find his way back to sobriety. I don't have it nearly as bad as many people here do, but it is breaking my heart to watch this man I love throw away his health and his life.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: ohio
Posts: 29
fun drunks are the ones who turn to the mean drunk. my family has been destroyed over being the fun drunk. my fun ah is now in ICU because he was having fun! please give yourself a chance to love your children and husband with a clear mind and spirit! give yourself a chance to see a future with your family because if you keep drinking you will be all by yourself! the family will have to walk away from the heartache. also would you let a drunk watch your children? let a drunk drive your children? let a drunk be with your children? please think on that!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Welcome to our side of addictions.
You say you need an incentive. Go look at your children. That should be incentive enough. They need you. Its that simple.
Be the Mom they can be proud of and rely on.
You can do this.
You say you need an incentive. Go look at your children. That should be incentive enough. They need you. Its that simple.
Be the Mom they can be proud of and rely on.
You can do this.
Guest
Join Date: May 2012
Location: carlsbad, ca
Posts: 2
Jennifer, I was you just a year ago and several years before. Two children 19 and 14. Soccer mom, volunteer mom, play sports with my kid's kinda mom. Last year I ended up in the hospital from a night of overdrinking and woke up with a diagnosis of Alcoholic Liver Disease. I lost everything because of my selfish destructive behaviors. Now I get to fight for my life with no job, no insurance, no kid's....Nothing!!! Please, Please if I can help just one person It would make my life worth fighting for.
This disease of Alcoholism is not a joke. It KILLS!!!!! I am sober and fighting back now, but you or anyone else does not want to know the ugliness of Cirrhosis. I have to be my own advocate everyday because I am still looked upon as a sick drunk, even to the doctor's. In my opinion, this can happen to anyone and one drink is one toooooo many. Good Luck
This disease of Alcoholism is not a joke. It KILLS!!!!! I am sober and fighting back now, but you or anyone else does not want to know the ugliness of Cirrhosis. I have to be my own advocate everyday because I am still looked upon as a sick drunk, even to the doctor's. In my opinion, this can happen to anyone and one drink is one toooooo many. Good Luck
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