cr995

For the first time in months I had to email AH about a joint property we own for which I am getting no income/value from but he is. ( It is Overseas) Even though I know he wont do the right thing I spent all day getting up to check my email - no reply. I say getting up because I stayed in bed all day scared and depressed. I finally been able to admit to myself that being with him nearly destroyed me but I feel just anxious and scared now- of what I don't know , I thought these days were over - has anybody been here?. please help.

SparkleKitty

It is very scary to be on your own. I can really sympathize with you on that. There will be good days and bad days. All I can say is that eventually the good ones will outweigh the bad ones, it just takes time.

I eventually grew to love being on my own and not having to worry about anyone else for a change! And when I met the man who eventually became my husband, I was in a much healthier place for having spent time on my own, getting stronger and learning to really like hanging out with myself.

I think it's important to remember that you are NOT back at square one. Now that you've admitted that 'being with him nearly destroyed" you, you can never go back to square one again. But taking a couple steps back is normal. So is not moving forward. You're okay, and there's a bunch of people here for you when you are feeling anxious. Hang in there. I'm sending you strength!

cr995

Thank you so much for that encouragement, making me tear-up. So wonderful to have contact with someone who 'gets it' .

SparkleKitty

Is there something nice you can do for yourself today? Bubble baths always helped me feel calm!

ricmcc

Hi: Although our histories vary quite a bit, I certainly can empathize with the "scared and anxious" feelings, and know how unpleasant they can be. It occurs to me that you might feel more empowered if you took legal action to get a share of what is yours, the is, a share of the income derived from a jointly held property. In my case, just the act of doing something just on the grounds that I feel that I am significant enough to deserve justice would make me feel better all on its own. Just a suggestion, but all the best----Rick

cr995

Thanks Rick, I will look into that. I have also just arranged to go to an Al-anon meeting today - really relieved am going.

Graceland

I'm so glad that you're going to a meeting today. The reading in Courage to Change is about the self-defeating assumptions and negative self-image that we tend to carry about with us as a result of being in a relationship with an alcoholic.

So, please see yourself as you are. You are brave, courageous, and strong, even though you might not feel that way right now. You have your own strength and the combined strength of the people here. In getting to a meeting, you are doing what you need to do for yourself, which is strong and courageous in and of itself.

Thinking of you...

cr995

Thanks - all this turmoil started yesterday when I got a message telling me that my AH's GF had been 'thrown out' of the house by my mother in law and AH had been 'exiled' and was moving into the house next door. ( they had all been living in a house I purchased abroad). Well combine that with my own landlord telling me that my own rent was falling behind just sent me into a tailspin. I have so far not has any clue what AH and GF are up to but even though I am glad I am no longer part of all the chaos - which I believe is created by his alcoholism, I feel so upset when I am reminded of his betrayal and the total coldness and lack of concern he displays towards me and our daughter.

He seems to have turned into an unfeeling monster and while I see that I am better off without him and at least now have hope for the future, I still get these awful feelings of anxiety, tightness in my chest, a pounding heart and just absolute fear of what I don't know. It occurs to me that alcoholics just seem to rob us - everything I worked for - house , car, furniture is all out of my reach now as I was stupid enough to let him persuade me to up and move abroad 6 years ago.