Weasel1966

I reached out yesterday to my doctor. I made the appointment in the morning and left work to go see him. I felt I shouldn't put this off.

For me depression is tangible. I can feel. I can see it. I can even taste it sometimes. It's this thick heavy feeling. I call it a nothingness of emotion. But even though its there I have trouble seeing it in myself. I go through periods where I say I am happy. I have a lot of gratitude. And then have periods where I can see I am clearly depressed.

It's so much like trying to remain sober. I say I am not an alcoholic and then I admit I am. I went back and forth for years. Still do sometimes. Even though I know better. Just when AV wants its way.

For me depression does not get better over time. I cannot think my way out of it.

I blame everything on it. I blame depression like I do drinking and drugging.

My partner says to me...." Are you drinking because you are depressed. Or are you depressed because you're drinking?"

Both.

I was asked a very direct question by a friend of mine the other day. It was one of those things that helped me see I was clearly depressed.

Recover or don't? More of a statement really but I ask myself that as a question.

But his note made me stop and consider.

Recover or don't?

The med the doc gave me is something that I took in my mid twenties. It helped open things up for me. Really set things right chemically to allow me to do what I needed to get on the right track.

I stayed on the med about a year and in that time I accomplished a lot to jump start my life. I am hoping to have a similar result.

Nothing can do the work I must do to remain sober. No pill. No friend. But I can take away one element to this and maybe give me the boost I need.

So now the last few mornings I get up and ask myself.

Recover or don't?

I find that very motivating to ask. A simple way to keep focus when my head gets heavy.

soberlicious

I don't know how long since you have stopped drinking, but to get a true picture of the acuteness of the depression your body needs to be clean for a significant period of time. Some people find after a period of abstinence that their depression is not as severe as they once thought, and even if they find that it is, then the meds are able to work properly without interference from the booze and they get some much needed relief. The brain receptors have been seriously messed with and need time to readjust. Depression can never be effectively treated if one is drinking heavily. I was so clinically depressed that I attempted suicide, was baker-acted, and was on leave from my job for several months. Almost 7 years later I don't even take any meds and don't experience any of the crippling emotions that plagued me for much of my life. Alcohol exacerbates depression more than I ever realized and it took some time for my body to heal after the way I abused it for so long.

Fandy

absolutely! I was not as bad as Soberlicious, but it was a vicious cycle of drinking due to adverse events in my life (reactive depression). I actually started feeling better when i was about 1 month sober. drinking exacerbated my depression which i treated by drinking.

once i started to get real sleep too. I was so terribly sleep deprived all the time..i had trouble passing out!

Weasel1966

You are all so correct. I know that for certain. Thank you.

But the reason I said enough and asked for help is that I am running out of steam to be able to dissect the alcoholism from the depression. They are so intertwined that I need a respite for one to grab hold of the other.

I would rather quit a drug for depression I no longer need if it helps me stay sober over trying to quit drinking to understand how bad my depression is.

I will get my cart and horse in the correct order before a can gallop a little.

O brother. Metaphor and metaphor.

I posted today to share that I need to go other step in this. Just wanted my SR friends along with me.

K

Dee74

Some people develop depression after years of drinking...and others have a pre-existing, chronic, condition - I needed to work on both my depression and my alcoholism in order to get sober and stay that way.

I'm glad you reached out Ken and I hope this helps you

D