Depression: Have any of you ever dealt with it.
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Join Date: Sep 2011
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Depression: Have any of you ever dealt with it.
Hey everyone, so I am finally going to see a psychiatrist on Wednesday. They were trying to reschedule me but I told them I had been waiting sometime now to see her, and I needed to see her. So, I am going to see her on Wednesday.
It seems I have been battling depression for sometime now, but feel like I keeping hitting new lows every year. There was a point I was surrounded by positive people and that helped me, but now I don't have enough positive people in my life; I am working on this. My mind inhibits me from doing stuff. Is there anything anyone has tried in dealing with depression besides alcohol?
It seems I have been battling depression for sometime now, but feel like I keeping hitting new lows every year. There was a point I was surrounded by positive people and that helped me, but now I don't have enough positive people in my life; I am working on this. My mind inhibits me from doing stuff. Is there anything anyone has tried in dealing with depression besides alcohol?
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Join Date: Oct 2012
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Originally Posted by MesoFreak 
Is there anything anyone has tried in dealing with depression besides alcohol?
No need to bias you with my choice. I've said it before here. But, suffice it to say that it involved a lot of aerobic exercise (which I did out in nature to soften the blow, so it wasn't just a "workout").
I won't lie. I continued to drink, but at least I got off my ass and for the couple of hours I was out trudging in the hills with a heavy backpack. I got a great workout, fueled by my obsession with my ultimate goal (a remote destination), while still stopping to pet the horses and enjoying the sunset. I didn't bring a bottle with me.
I think a lot of people will tell you that exercise helps depression and stress. For me though, I could never stick with it at a gym. I would see people way more buffed than me and get even more depressed. Horses don't care if you're buffed or not, as long as you bring them carrots.
Unfortunately, there are no hills or horses roaming free where I live now. I haven't figured out how to get my exercise in an enjoyable way.
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 221
I know about the exercise one, unfortunately sometimes I am to depressed to workout :/ Today as I was walking to school, I was like, I need to get out of my apartment more often! Just getting out makes me feel better, but the getting out part is the hard part for now, even for school lately. It probably doesn't help that I get weird sleep, insomniac, I think at this point.
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dear meso,, i have suffered with it for 20 years,, after the passing of my father, in quite a horrible way, im not going to say it,, i dont want to upset anyone,, but lets just say,, he found his own way to do it.
i was 18,, and turned to drugs first,, just to escape, then after 10 yrs of that,, turned to alcohol.
ive been on and off with different meds since then, im lucky i was honest with my hubby from the start,, when we first got 2gether i said " are u sure u wanna take me on? im a right loada hard work?" , he did,, thank god, cos hes an angel,, but we have had our moments,, ive certainly put him to test i can tell ya!
but , it took me yrs to come to terms with it,, i blamed anything and everyone, just cos i could, i used the fact that i was "allowed" in some silly way to do what i was doing,, cos of it.
i now know that i have to deal with it,, i cant blame anyone but myself.
i had an epiphany this year, woke up and thought !u know wot, im thru with this" and thankfully i feel much better,, not that it hasnt gone away,, i just can deal with it a bit better.
i dont know your story, and no way am i suggesting that it is easy,, but talking to someone,, sharing your worries is to me,, fantastic, my counselor was great, and i felt i could share stuff with her, i couldnt anyone else,, so good luck with yr appt,, and i wish u well hun,xxalso , i know its so cliche,, but walking in the fresh air , is a wonderful thing to do, clears out some of the cobwebs,, i try to go out every day, i have a dog so that helps me, but beleive me ive spent weeks hiding away in my bedroom, couldnt even talk on the phone at all.
but try hun,, you can do it, the fact that youve got this appt is very good progress,, and keep it up,, you can do it,, you can,,
all my love and hugs to you ,,xxcleo xxxx
pm me if you like xxx
i was 18,, and turned to drugs first,, just to escape, then after 10 yrs of that,, turned to alcohol.
ive been on and off with different meds since then, im lucky i was honest with my hubby from the start,, when we first got 2gether i said " are u sure u wanna take me on? im a right loada hard work?" , he did,, thank god, cos hes an angel,, but we have had our moments,, ive certainly put him to test i can tell ya!
but , it took me yrs to come to terms with it,, i blamed anything and everyone, just cos i could, i used the fact that i was "allowed" in some silly way to do what i was doing,, cos of it.
i now know that i have to deal with it,, i cant blame anyone but myself.
i had an epiphany this year, woke up and thought !u know wot, im thru with this" and thankfully i feel much better,, not that it hasnt gone away,, i just can deal with it a bit better.
i dont know your story, and no way am i suggesting that it is easy,, but talking to someone,, sharing your worries is to me,, fantastic, my counselor was great, and i felt i could share stuff with her, i couldnt anyone else,, so good luck with yr appt,, and i wish u well hun,xxalso , i know its so cliche,, but walking in the fresh air , is a wonderful thing to do, clears out some of the cobwebs,, i try to go out every day, i have a dog so that helps me, but beleive me ive spent weeks hiding away in my bedroom, couldnt even talk on the phone at all.
but try hun,, you can do it, the fact that youve got this appt is very good progress,, and keep it up,, you can do it,, you can,,
all my love and hugs to you ,,xxcleo xxxx
pm me if you like xxx
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 1,225
Meso
Explain all this to the doctor. I exercise and do what I can to relieve my depression, but I also need an antidepressant to help. It is not a magic pill and takes time to find the right one to work, but it may help you get out the door more often, which will then help your mood
Exercising though is big for me, so if you can get out even for a little bit, it will help
Explain all this to the doctor. I exercise and do what I can to relieve my depression, but I also need an antidepressant to help. It is not a magic pill and takes time to find the right one to work, but it may help you get out the door more often, which will then help your mood
Exercising though is big for me, so if you can get out even for a little bit, it will help
A simple guy making his way
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
Hell yeah Meso!
I went to the doctor yesterday to get some help with an antidepressant. I certainly hate taking a pill like that but I am at the end and cannot ignore what my depression is doing to me.
Ya know its funny you posted this. I woke feeling a bit if relief from just going to my doctor for help. I planned on posting about it to be sure I told you guys. look for it later. It will tell you a little about what I have been going through and how I handled it.
You can take a med to adjust chemicals we depleted with addictions. When we do we DO feel better. I have been through a few cycles of this and know how to say enough. I need help.
You're a cool guy Meso. Don't waste even another day on the nothingness of depression.
Go see the doc. They will be able to tell if a med will help. Or even what might help. Like pipparina said. Tell the doc everything.
Anyone that can see an issue and say I need help enough to actually follow through and go see the doc deserves credit and has hope.
Its those that live in silence with depression that wither and die.
Thats neither of us.
Ken
I went to the doctor yesterday to get some help with an antidepressant. I certainly hate taking a pill like that but I am at the end and cannot ignore what my depression is doing to me.
Ya know its funny you posted this. I woke feeling a bit if relief from just going to my doctor for help. I planned on posting about it to be sure I told you guys. look for it later. It will tell you a little about what I have been going through and how I handled it.
You can take a med to adjust chemicals we depleted with addictions. When we do we DO feel better. I have been through a few cycles of this and know how to say enough. I need help.
You're a cool guy Meso. Don't waste even another day on the nothingness of depression.
Go see the doc. They will be able to tell if a med will help. Or even what might help. Like pipparina said. Tell the doc everything.
Anyone that can see an issue and say I need help enough to actually follow through and go see the doc deserves credit and has hope.
Its those that live in silence with depression that wither and die.
Thats neither of us.
Ken
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 603
Hi MesoFreak,
I've been prescribed anti-depressants several times and they just made matters worse. Yet when aspects were in place in my life and things were humming, I was happy.
Depression may just be our brains telling us the obvious.
You said, "There was a point I was surrounded by positive people and that helped me, but now I don't have enough positive people in my life."
That seems pretty straightforward to me. I would be depressed in such a situation. It's the natural response. You can seek out more positive people and that would be great if you can find them, but while you are waiting you can remind yourself that you're worthy.
No one wants to endure a perpetual cry baby, but with a little give and take and feeling things out, we can find out who our true friends are and also know when not to overburden them with the constantly unraveling sob story of our misfortunes.
I've been prescribed anti-depressants several times and they just made matters worse. Yet when aspects were in place in my life and things were humming, I was happy.
Depression may just be our brains telling us the obvious.
You said, "There was a point I was surrounded by positive people and that helped me, but now I don't have enough positive people in my life."
That seems pretty straightforward to me. I would be depressed in such a situation. It's the natural response. You can seek out more positive people and that would be great if you can find them, but while you are waiting you can remind yourself that you're worthy.
No one wants to endure a perpetual cry baby, but with a little give and take and feeling things out, we can find out who our true friends are and also know when not to overburden them with the constantly unraveling sob story of our misfortunes.
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Indiana
Posts: 706
My sobriety went like this:
1- Miserable
2-Pink Cloud
3- MAJOR Depression
4-saw doctor for treatment
Depression is not uncommon for those in recovery. We self medicated for a long time. Good job on gettin a Dr. appt.
Zube
1- Miserable
2-Pink Cloud
3- MAJOR Depression
4-saw doctor for treatment
Depression is not uncommon for those in recovery. We self medicated for a long time. Good job on gettin a Dr. appt.
Zube
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
The drugs i was on for depression made me loose my thread of thought quite quickly which in a way was quite helpful for some of the dark thoughts i used to have running round my head or sometimes feeling like I was no-one, i carried on drinking although was told not to as that was the only thing that offerd complete shutdown from it all .
In the end it was my thinking and attitude that had to change. The abillity to think about my thoughts, observe and experience my feelings without running from them, to be my own psycotherapist was key for mastering the depression and then sorting out the drink habbit formed by years of self medicating alcohol.
Bestwishes, M
In the end it was my thinking and attitude that had to change. The abillity to think about my thoughts, observe and experience my feelings without running from them, to be my own psycotherapist was key for mastering the depression and then sorting out the drink habbit formed by years of self medicating alcohol.
Bestwishes, M
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 221
Thank you all. Believe me the only drug I ever wanted/want to take is alcohol, but then those who have read my post know where that has gotten me. I am not excited about being on pills, but if it could just jump start me in a healthy routine, then I hope to give them up. I wish my head wasn't like this, I wish I didn't hold on to all the bad, I wish I could be a lot of things that I am not, but I can't. So I hope talking with the psych, maybe getting pills will help me focus on graduating school, get out the door more, get back into working out, maybe sleeping at a decent time and waking up early instead of being up at 5 am. Waking up early also felt good, but every weekend my schedule switched up on me because of going out. It is easier for me to stay up all hours of night than it is falling asleep and waking up early. I want to enjoy life to the fullest potential...
You know, for a while now, my happiness seems to be based around my success: the more successful I feel I am becoming the less I am depressed, the less successful I am the more depressed I am... The problem is my mind is stuck on the latter creating a cycle of; fail -> depress, fail -> depress. I need to somehow reset my mind and start into a winning cycle. I think that would be the first step, but for that I need help! Once I give myself these short-term happiness, I can tackle the deep rooted mess... thinking about it, they are partially related to success. In the past I have failed at various things I tried, and so that made me depressed. I have gotten older and have nothing to show for as of now. My parents are getting older, my sister don't help them, and I have nothing to help them; in fact they are helping me! For me this is an embarrassment! I should be taking care of them now!
I guess, they have made many mistakes also, that have in a way affected the outcome of where I am now. If you talked to me even two years ago I was stronger, but now I am not happy with who I am. I know I have come along far, but my mind doesn't see it. It sees financial struggle, it sees an adult not fitting in to his university, it sees the opportunities I have lost for mistakes I made in the past although I have corrected them now, it sees everything bad, but doesn't appreciate the good. It only lingers on the bad. I must say I do believe depression runs through my family. My father was an alcoholic so you know how that story goes growing up. I have a lot of anger issues. My sister once said that I am like my dad when he is drunk, but I am sober. When I get drunk, I become another person, very violent, way more than my dad ever did. Last times I drank like that I almost died, and I have a feeling that if I continue to drink like that I will die. I am trying real hard to quit before that happens. I don't want to wake up anymore hurt internally or externally, or knowing that I hurt someone or something.
I need some time to reform myself. I wish I was a bit younger than 28, and taken time from school to focus on just that: personal reformation. But time is working against me now, the time is ticking and people can't wait forever for me to become financially stable. I need my mind to be focused. When I work, I work hard! The problem is I am not working hard, and this depression is hitting the school grades right about now. What am I going to say to a potential employer, oh I did bad because depression hit me hard at this point... they will most often not care because they don't realize how debilitating depression can be. So they will dismiss you as a crybaby or psyco. I need to get my act together, but I haven't been able to do it alone. The only person I was able to talk, my long-term girl friend started getting upset at me. So, now I decided to not talk to her about stuff anymore. I know you guys must think she is harsh, but I don't know, I have kinda put her through a lot in our 11 year relationship, I see where she is coming from. She says I should go to a psych and talk to her, so I will. Wish me luck.
You know, for a while now, my happiness seems to be based around my success: the more successful I feel I am becoming the less I am depressed, the less successful I am the more depressed I am... The problem is my mind is stuck on the latter creating a cycle of; fail -> depress, fail -> depress. I need to somehow reset my mind and start into a winning cycle. I think that would be the first step, but for that I need help! Once I give myself these short-term happiness, I can tackle the deep rooted mess... thinking about it, they are partially related to success. In the past I have failed at various things I tried, and so that made me depressed. I have gotten older and have nothing to show for as of now. My parents are getting older, my sister don't help them, and I have nothing to help them; in fact they are helping me! For me this is an embarrassment! I should be taking care of them now!
I guess, they have made many mistakes also, that have in a way affected the outcome of where I am now. If you talked to me even two years ago I was stronger, but now I am not happy with who I am. I know I have come along far, but my mind doesn't see it. It sees financial struggle, it sees an adult not fitting in to his university, it sees the opportunities I have lost for mistakes I made in the past although I have corrected them now, it sees everything bad, but doesn't appreciate the good. It only lingers on the bad. I must say I do believe depression runs through my family. My father was an alcoholic so you know how that story goes growing up. I have a lot of anger issues. My sister once said that I am like my dad when he is drunk, but I am sober. When I get drunk, I become another person, very violent, way more than my dad ever did. Last times I drank like that I almost died, and I have a feeling that if I continue to drink like that I will die. I am trying real hard to quit before that happens. I don't want to wake up anymore hurt internally or externally, or knowing that I hurt someone or something.
I need some time to reform myself. I wish I was a bit younger than 28, and taken time from school to focus on just that: personal reformation. But time is working against me now, the time is ticking and people can't wait forever for me to become financially stable. I need my mind to be focused. When I work, I work hard! The problem is I am not working hard, and this depression is hitting the school grades right about now. What am I going to say to a potential employer, oh I did bad because depression hit me hard at this point... they will most often not care because they don't realize how debilitating depression can be. So they will dismiss you as a crybaby or psyco. I need to get my act together, but I haven't been able to do it alone. The only person I was able to talk, my long-term girl friend started getting upset at me. So, now I decided to not talk to her about stuff anymore. I know you guys must think she is harsh, but I don't know, I have kinda put her through a lot in our 11 year relationship, I see where she is coming from. She says I should go to a psych and talk to her, so I will. Wish me luck.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 1,225
You will get yourself out of this, just take positive steps, which is looks like you are doing. You are asking for help. See what the doctor says. Not everyone suffers from life-time depression, so maybe you just need something short term. Only you and your doctor can determine that.
But give yourself a pat on the back for at least recognizing there is a problem and you want to fix it. That's enormous. You're not just sitting around waiting for someone else to "fix" you. You're taking action. That's a very healthy decision.
But give yourself a pat on the back for at least recognizing there is a problem and you want to fix it. That's enormous. You're not just sitting around waiting for someone else to "fix" you. You're taking action. That's a very healthy decision.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
I had depression long before I started drinking to mask it. I've been on antidepressants for a long time but they didn't help when I was drinking. Now that I'm sober they help a lot and the depression is bearable.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: California
Posts: 18
This is exactly where I am right now, Meso.
This will be my 10th day sober,
and though the feeling of deep sadness is gone, I am still depressed.
Because of the depression I have a hard time getting things done,
I wanted to go back to school this fall, but it just didn't happen for me.
Exercise is tough to start, though has always been helpful.
I'm going through insomnia and I too wake at 5am
...sucks to wake up in the dark, huh? I really wish I could stop this habit.
It makes me feel drained during the day.
I'm trying to go to bed by 10pm, then I at least get 7 hours of sleep.
Because of my drinking getting worse and a move I lost a lot of friends I had around me,
then some I had to stop hanging out with because they are addicts.
Before I sobered up I went to see a psychiatrist for an anti depressant
and he prescribed Cymbalta.
I opted not to take it when I found an extensive forum online of people
who all claimed that this certain medication had caused them to crave alcohol.
I need to make a new apt. so he can prescribe something new.
Glad to hear you're taking steps to help your depression.
I hope you find something that works well for you soon.
Keep us posted on your progress.
This will be my 10th day sober,
and though the feeling of deep sadness is gone, I am still depressed.
Because of the depression I have a hard time getting things done,
I wanted to go back to school this fall, but it just didn't happen for me.
Exercise is tough to start, though has always been helpful.
I'm going through insomnia and I too wake at 5am
...sucks to wake up in the dark, huh? I really wish I could stop this habit.
It makes me feel drained during the day.
I'm trying to go to bed by 10pm, then I at least get 7 hours of sleep.
Because of my drinking getting worse and a move I lost a lot of friends I had around me,
then some I had to stop hanging out with because they are addicts.
Before I sobered up I went to see a psychiatrist for an anti depressant
and he prescribed Cymbalta.
I opted not to take it when I found an extensive forum online of people
who all claimed that this certain medication had caused them to crave alcohol.
I need to make a new apt. so he can prescribe something new.
Glad to hear you're taking steps to help your depression.
I hope you find something that works well for you soon.
Keep us posted on your progress.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Cleveland, OH
Posts: 1,191
For me, and I stress 'for me' as I am not qualified to give any type of medical advice, depression was just one symptom of my over all problem. Depression and untreated alcoholism look very similar. When I took the spiritual treatment summarized by the 12 steps of AA, my depression and anxiety were relieved. After 3 months of sobriety and step work I was taken off my meds under my doc's care. With the exception of a couple of slumps in the past few years, depression and anxiety have not been an issue.
Of course my situation is not the same as everyone else's, but I have met many people in recovery who have shared similar experiences.
Of course my situation is not the same as everyone else's, but I have met many people in recovery who have shared similar experiences.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: SoCal, California
Posts: 990
I take Lexapro for depression. It helps me a lot. I didn't want to take it but my doctor kept suggesting it. Plus I was just soooo depressed. All the classic symptoms - crying at the smallest thing.
Now I am very glad and thankful to my doctor for suggesting it. The way she put it is that some people just might have a brain chemistry that could be lacking in serotonin.
Anyway - I'm taking it and it has helped me to climb out of the black hole I was in.
Oh - and no side effects. I'm clear headed and just normal... well kinda normal!
Now I am very glad and thankful to my doctor for suggesting it. The way she put it is that some people just might have a brain chemistry that could be lacking in serotonin.
Anyway - I'm taking it and it has helped me to climb out of the black hole I was in.
Oh - and no side effects. I'm clear headed and just normal... well kinda normal!
Last edited by ClearLight; 11-06-2012 at 08:45 AM. Reason: second thought
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Middle of no where, oklahoma
Posts: 2,696
I have been dealing with major depressive disorder since my early teens. One of the first things I did when I got sober is get real honest with my doctors. I'm glad you have an appt with your doc. These are decisions better left to the medical community. Do not be afraid to talk to your doctor about any side effects you may be have if they put you on medication, that's what they are there for.
Take care of yourself
Take care of yourself
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 8
Clinical depression has genetic, biochemical, psychological, social, and environmental components. Alcohol is a central nervous system depressant. Depression is a common sequelae of alcohol withdrawal. Depression can also make it harder to stay abstinent because it negatively affects your self-esteem, energy, and motivation. So addressing the depression is important.
Depression is a medical disorder, not a personal defect. All the negative self-thoughts are just symptoms of depression, not accurate to reality. There are a number of effective treatments including antidepressant medications and a number of different evidence-based psychotherapies (for example, cognitive-behavioral therapy, mindfulness-based therapies). Reaching out for social support, increasing your daily activities, and physical exercise can be very helpful too.
Know that giving into the "I don't feel like it - I'm too tired - It won't work for me" syndrome makes depression worse.
I am a medical professional who has struggled with depression myself, seen it throughout my family, and treated many people with this disorder. Glad to hear that you're getting a psychiatric evaluation.
Good luck!
Depression is a medical disorder, not a personal defect. All the negative self-thoughts are just symptoms of depression, not accurate to reality. There are a number of effective treatments including antidepressant medications and a number of different evidence-based psychotherapies (for example, cognitive-behavioral therapy, mindfulness-based therapies). Reaching out for social support, increasing your daily activities, and physical exercise can be very helpful too.
Know that giving into the "I don't feel like it - I'm too tired - It won't work for me" syndrome makes depression worse.
I am a medical professional who has struggled with depression myself, seen it throughout my family, and treated many people with this disorder. Glad to hear that you're getting a psychiatric evaluation.
Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 603
I've suffered from depression and had a number of psychotherapists over the years. I didn't think I was making too much progress. That could have been because I wasn't ready to be completely honest with myself and felt self conscious with the therapists and didn't disclose everything.
I'm a guy and always chose female therapists because I thought women were more open with their emotions. My father was and remains emotionally distant and I had a fear that a male therapist would be the same Freudish way.
A few years ago I decided to go into therapy again. I did it through family services - a county sponsored program in California. I chose a male therapist this time. After all those years feeling self conscious and mal-adjusted, suddenly I felt free to speak my mind. It may be just the luck of the draw. The therapist I was assigned through family services talks about his feelings and experiences too, which really helps me open up. He really cares about me and not in a detached antisceptic way. I look forward to the sessions.
Will it work for you? Who knows? The therapist I'm seeing now left family services to get his master's degree. When he started his private practice I resumed with him and he was charging me $38/hr. which is a great price. Taking into consideration my financial woes, he decided to only charge me $30/hr. You'd be hard pressed to find this deal anywhere. Guess it's just another example of one of the times where the universe has shown me its soft spot.
Actually, when I think back on it, when I've gone for help through the social system, more often than not people have been kind and understanding. It's the system that's riddled with red tape that is screwed up moreso than the individuals I end up talking to when I finally reach a human being on the phone or talk to one in person.
I surely would have been dead long ago without the many many people who have shown me kindness throughout my life and for that I'm thankful.
I've had to cancel with my therapist a few times because I was in withdrawal so bad I was afraid to drive, but I've always promptly paid him for any sessions I missed and have never arrived late. He understands that it's better to miss a session than to get in a car accident. He has other patients who repeatedly arrive late and he appreciates my punctuality and knows that I wouldn't miss an appointment for any other reason than I'm trying like a mofo not to lose my license again. I've sworn to never drive under the influence again, but even still, there are other factors when I know I shouldn't be on the road (inability to sleep and not being fully functional, for example).
Best of luck to you. My recurring problem is that I get to a sucky point in my life and I fear that it's never going to change. But my fortune has changed many times over the course of my life. Yup. No way around it, depression sucks. You feel stuck.
How many times did I try therapy before I hit upon a winning formula? For decades! But now it's better than I could have ever imagined.
Hey, maybe one of these days I'll get a girlfriend. By that time I'll be completely out of testosterone, but who knows? I was capable of all kinds of unhealthy stuff when I was pumped to the gills with testosterone. I could have fathered a child which no way no how would I have been able to support.
I'm not a believer in the philosophy that "everything happens for a reason." The notion that there's some being planning everything that happens to me is just too much to believe. I just choose to look at the stuff that has happened to me in life as a learning experience. If I screwed something up in the past, I know what not to do now.
I'm a guy and always chose female therapists because I thought women were more open with their emotions. My father was and remains emotionally distant and I had a fear that a male therapist would be the same Freudish way.
A few years ago I decided to go into therapy again. I did it through family services - a county sponsored program in California. I chose a male therapist this time. After all those years feeling self conscious and mal-adjusted, suddenly I felt free to speak my mind. It may be just the luck of the draw. The therapist I was assigned through family services talks about his feelings and experiences too, which really helps me open up. He really cares about me and not in a detached antisceptic way. I look forward to the sessions.
Will it work for you? Who knows? The therapist I'm seeing now left family services to get his master's degree. When he started his private practice I resumed with him and he was charging me $38/hr. which is a great price. Taking into consideration my financial woes, he decided to only charge me $30/hr. You'd be hard pressed to find this deal anywhere. Guess it's just another example of one of the times where the universe has shown me its soft spot.
Actually, when I think back on it, when I've gone for help through the social system, more often than not people have been kind and understanding. It's the system that's riddled with red tape that is screwed up moreso than the individuals I end up talking to when I finally reach a human being on the phone or talk to one in person.
I surely would have been dead long ago without the many many people who have shown me kindness throughout my life and for that I'm thankful.
I've had to cancel with my therapist a few times because I was in withdrawal so bad I was afraid to drive, but I've always promptly paid him for any sessions I missed and have never arrived late. He understands that it's better to miss a session than to get in a car accident. He has other patients who repeatedly arrive late and he appreciates my punctuality and knows that I wouldn't miss an appointment for any other reason than I'm trying like a mofo not to lose my license again. I've sworn to never drive under the influence again, but even still, there are other factors when I know I shouldn't be on the road (inability to sleep and not being fully functional, for example).
Best of luck to you. My recurring problem is that I get to a sucky point in my life and I fear that it's never going to change. But my fortune has changed many times over the course of my life. Yup. No way around it, depression sucks. You feel stuck.
How many times did I try therapy before I hit upon a winning formula? For decades! But now it's better than I could have ever imagined.
Hey, maybe one of these days I'll get a girlfriend. By that time I'll be completely out of testosterone, but who knows? I was capable of all kinds of unhealthy stuff when I was pumped to the gills with testosterone. I could have fathered a child which no way no how would I have been able to support.
I'm not a believer in the philosophy that "everything happens for a reason." The notion that there's some being planning everything that happens to me is just too much to believe. I just choose to look at the stuff that has happened to me in life as a learning experience. If I screwed something up in the past, I know what not to do now.
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