quitforme79

About my relapse this weekend. I know the only way I can get thru this is to stay sober and do the work my sponser is giving me. She said if I won't commit to 90 in 90 she can no longer sponser me. I started hysterically crying when she said that- made me so sad to think I effed this up so bad that she would walk away. I totally understand where she's coming from. And I am going to do whatever she says. I'm just so down, anxious and riding the wave on a pity pot. I know I need to pull out of it. I also know that I can control whether or not I ever feel this awful again. Just never drink. Then I will truly be free.

stairs

You will feel better the farther away you get from this weekend and interacting with people in meetings will be a big help too! I understand how you feel,, have sure been there. *hug*

FreeFall

I'm not in AA but it sounds like you value this sponsor and respect her. If 90 in 90 is too overwhelming can you just tell yourself 1 in 1 and keep repeating that?
The first month I said to myself constantly "no drinking today, maybe tomorrow" Somehow I felt better that way. I didn't drink on any of the tomorrows I just needed to feel like I had a choice. Once it felt like a choice instead of a punishment I was able to make bigger strides and see the positives in sobriety.

You CAN do this! Try to find some things that help you to unwind and feel less anxious...

Dee74

hey quit...there's nothing you can do to undo this weekend.
Thats the bad news.

The good news is...this week is a new beginning...a blank sheet of paper and a vista of uncharted and untapped possibility

just...do what you have to do...and go for it!

D

hypochondriac

I'm not sure that's what's happening here. Sounds more like she's saying she can't help you if you don't help yourself. I doubt she thinks you effed up. It is a natural thing which happened to you, one that happens to a lot of recovering alcoholics. Don't beat yourself up about it and use it as an opportunity to grow. Like you said before, this is a perfect example of why you don't want to drink and can't have just a couple. You can use this to help you, don't let negative thoughts drag you down x

quitforme79

Thanks so much guys. I don't mind the meetings really. I just need to.forgive myself & move on. I feel a little better today but still a little cloudy. Amazing how much alcohol affects me, even days later. Im going to try & have a productive day at work, hit a meeting after & get back on track. I want to be sober more than anything right now. That's a lesson I learned from this.