Serenity47

I have been married for twenty years. My husband I drank together until I crossed the invisible line and thank God I found Him in AA and have been sober for almost four years. I am focusing on emotional sobriety and in every area of my life I am so blessed to have made progress and am of use and happy because of that except at home. I am around alcohol a lot because friends family all drink which is ok. What still is not ok is that my husband drinks. He said that he would stop because it did not mean much to him but strangely, or not so strangely, he began to drink more. I do not want to ask him to stop. I have invited him to AA and al anon (I go because my parents are active alcoholics and my husband drinks more than I thought) but he chooses not to. As a result I feel angry and alone due to the loss of the relationship we once had and the fact that we cannot seem to build a new one together. I feel terrible feeling and showing anger. I see a therapist, we have gone together but ultimately we stop as he does not like what he hears, go to meetings, am of service, work with a sponsor. Why am I writing? I am sad and needed to talk to my people. I entitled this a decision I remember now. Ick. I have an 11 year old daughter. Need to make a decision. Thank you all for being here to listen. I am open to hearing your experience strength and hope. We both have s list of character defects that are destructive. I have a program thank God. The decision is whether I can live with someone who is not willing to try to work on theirs.

LifeRecovery

Welcome Serenity47!

Congratulations on your recovery.

Though not 12 step based focused I was working on my recovery from an eating disorder when I met and married a lovely man who struggled with alcohol.

In this journey one of the hardest hurdles for me has been realizing that just because recovery feels good for me (and works) it does not mean that my loved ones will want it, find it, or even desire it. That continues to present a challenge to me though I am no longer in that relationship. I also am coming to learn that it was not just my marriage but many other relationships in my life that this presented itself.

Keep posting, keep doing what you are doing, and I am sorry for what brought you here...but glad you came.

Serenity47

Thank you so much. I have been saying "acceptance" to myself and thought I had accepted but clearly I have not. Acceptance i mean of him not wanting recovery. I know intellectually there is nothing i can do about it no matter how much I feel our relationship needs it. It is In God's hands. There was something in the way you said What you said. I still need to make a decision but I feel more peace and less anger. Thank you again.

Though a Heath counselor who focuses on nutrition science, I have struggled with an eating disorder since I was a teen. I am mostly in denial about it now I realize--but it much better than back then. I am taking note. My prayers and gratitude to you.

Serenity47

Wow I see you are a dietician! No coincidences. Wow. Awesome :-)

Learn2Live

Sounds like you are growing and he is not. You want better for your life and that just doesn't matter to him at this point.

When I got sober I was almost 30. All of my friends still partied and my fiancé at the time did too. I moved on. It was the best thing I could have done for my life. Yes, it's sad, and yes, it's difficult. But it is worth it. There is SO much more out there than the same old folks in the same old town doing the same old things. After I got sober I moved away from my hometown. I would never go back, even though my family is there. I gave up a lot of friendships and a lot of what was comfortable and familiar to me. In the process I learned that we all should strive to move out of our comfort zones on a regular basis, in order to maintain happiness.

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?"

thislonelygirl

its got to be so difficult to be a recovered alcholic with your spouse still using. im glad you dont let the drinking around you effect your recovery as that is apart of day to day life either infront of you or on the tv. "claps" to you for that but as far as your husband still drinking i am saddened for you that he has not found the means to follow recovery with you or that by you getting sober it has not woken him up from addiction. i have no advice because every situation is different and i am still trying to get my ah to seek help with no success yet. best of luck

Freedom1990

First of all, congratulations on your years of sobriety!

My EXAH completed rehab shortly before I went in myself.

He drank whiskey and shot dope the day he got out.

I knew that returning home to him was not an option after rehab.

I knew he would either beat me to death, or I would relapse and die.

I walked out and never looked back. It's a decision I have never regretted.

Protect your sobriety like the precious seed that it is in your hand, my friend!

Sending you hugs of support!

Serenity47

Thank you. At first it sounded drastic to me. But what u describe is exactly what I am dealing with fundamentally. Hence me still being here. There are good things and times but way too few and what am I missing that I do not even know about? Good night and thanks!