krispy87

Today is 30 days. I went to my second meeting last night and unfortunately it was not as positive as the first. There were probably triple the amount of people there last night compared to Saturday, which freaked me out so terribly that I left promptly following the meeting.

I'm just exhausted and discouraged and feeling as though maybe I am not ready for all of this. I am admittedly depressed currently, which could be a result of a range of things, nevertheless I am just at a loss right now.

I have this nagging in the back of my head to just "give up" -- not to the extent of giving up and actually drinking (because I actually don't want to... and I want to stay sober), but just give up on the AA portion for now. I know it's only been two meetings, but I am overwhelmed with everything that I am being told goes into it. I feel like it's just so much at once. I'm only about a month into my sobriety and to add on even more anxiety-inducing situations just seems destructive.

I am not making any decisions at the moment, but it's still in my head.

MIRecovery

I went into AA overload too and My sponsor said, "Go to a meeting everyday and do not drink in between." That is all you have to do for quite a while. You do not have to talk, work the steps, or anything else just show up and listen. Just stay sober on a daily basis until your brain starts working correctly again and you get your feet on the ground.

IndaMiricale

I am sorry you feel so over-whelmend, but most of us do when we first come in to the rooms..

And like you said you have only gone twice.. Try not to over-complicate things.

We say keep it simple for a reason. You will get lots of great advice here in a couple minutes. Please listen and just dont drink for today..

escapist

30 days is great!!!! How you recover is your and only your business. This last time I quit ( 2 weeks ago) I did not go to AA. I don't think I am ready for people yet. Congratulations for your sobriety.

MissyShelle76

Krispy, (((HUGS))) My first 30 days were so overwhelming. I literally hit a wall and could barely function. For me, I started taking vitamins to help with the "nutrition" part. Drinking depletes us of so many necessary nutrients our bodies need. Second, I starting meditation. Not long drawn out sessions, that takes time, lol. But just a few moments to remove myself from the stress I was feeling and just slow down and breathe.

Everyone has a different journey in sobriety. 30 days is AWESOME!!! You should feel proud of that. But yes, about that time, when the alcohol haze wears off and we see life clearly, it can be so shocking and overwhelming. Just take it moment by moment. You don't have to solve every thing today.

As for drinking again, I can only say this: All of the other stuff will still be there, it will just be compounded by the affects of picking up that drink. If you are like me, you quit because alcohol brought too many problems in your life. Picking up again is going to bring those problems back and more.

We are all individuals, it's up to you to see what journey to sobriety works for you. I use Rational Recovery and it works so well for me. But others do AA, SMART, standing on their head (ha).

I don't know if I'm making sense, lol. Just wanted you to know someone understands and supports you and knows you can do another 30 days.

Lizella

30 days is a fantastic achievement! It is your journey so take whatever path that will get you there

Auvers

Great that you have 30 days and that drinking is not an option for you. That is the only thing that matters at this point, that is enough to expect of yourself. Take a look at the critical issues for you in maintaining sobriety and decide if one strategy seems to offer more of what you need than another.

MidnightBlue

Hi, Crispy.

I can't give you much of advice on AA, since I do not attend it. But I believe that one negative experience is not the reason to feel depressed. You made 30 days sober, and that is what matters. Do not be hard on yourself, try not to put on your shoulderse extra stress every time you face the situation that turned out to be far from perfect. It is not a test, exam, it's just your experience. Look at at from outside.

The only person who can actually discourage you is yourself, I am sure you won't let this happen.

Take care.

krispy87

Thank you all. I know I have to do what I feel is best and most beneficial for my sobriety. I have looked into other groups and other locations to see if I am up to give them a try to see if that makes a difference. I want to keep an open mind with all this and not be distraught simply from one negative experience.

I am just going to take today for what it's worth and try not to overwhelm myself too much with thoughts about all this, as I can see it is just going to make my anxiety worse. I will just have to wait till I feel ready to venture off again to another meeting -- if that is tomorrow, then great, but I will try not to get down on myself if it is not an immediate thing.

Delilah1

Hi Krispy,

Today should be about celebrating 30 days sober. I love your quote " I am an architect of days that haven't happened yet. " that architect should choose whichever path supports and furthers your sobriety.

Congratulations!!!

krispy87

Thank you Delilah -- I keep forgetting that 30 days is quite a feat thus far and I need to give myself more credit. I will try to put all these anxieties aside for another day and just be happy today

YoungAndClean

I have a little over a month too of clean time and like you I have been feeling kind of burnt-out on sobriety. If I could describe how I feel it's like all my days are grey and vanilla and I miss the euphoric buzz alcohol use to give me. I know alcohol is a depressant but when I was in a good mood or happy about something alcohol would make me even more happy/excited. I've been so thirsty the last couple of days, and have been thinking how when I get out of debt completely I will drink to celebrate, when I graduate college, and buy my new car also. I'm still on the fence about doing this but I can't imagine never drinking again. Sobriety can be so bland sometimes and it takes FOREVER to get the AA promises and benefits of staying sober. I'm talking years.... For an addict use to instant gratification it is such a daunting feeling knowing that I won't actually reap any benefits of staying sober for a long ass time. Sigh... oh well, at least I don't have a hangover, any drama, I'm slowly saving money paying off debt, and I'm feeling/looking great! I shouldn't say sobriety hasn't given me anything positive yet, it's just that I've only been sober 1 month and it feels like soooo long and I just want want want and have to wait wait wait until life is good again. Just had to get that off my chest.

YoungAndClean

I don't always like to kiss sobrieties ass and act like it's wonderful and so much better than drinking was. Because both lifestyles have their pros and cons. Honestly sometimes I wish I didnt have an addictive personality so that I could still drink. But I have quit time and time again and then once I cleaned up and was feeling good cracked under the pressure of sobriety and ended up drinking again and honestly not much good came out of it except for having a crutch that was always there for me. Alcohol is so accessible so I found myself drinking all day long, everyday, and sometimes starting around 11am so that by 4pm I was wasted and passed out. Also I don't miss that feeling of wanting to drink more but being so bloated with beer and just so disgusting feeling that you just let your opened full drink sit there and get flat until next morning.

I truly feel that 27 is a great age to get sober. I've had my fun experimenting with drugs and drinking irresponsibly at times. But I know for me it's time to grow up and if I keep relying on alcohol I will seriously undermine my potential as a human being and be stunted emotionally. Also I'll waste a ton of money. Also it's good that I'm quiting now before I have a wife and kids, a morgage, a job, etc. People who are older often times have lost all those things. And I think for younger people like us, maybe the fact that we havent lost as much due to our drinking makes it harder to stay sober longterm. But I think id rather figure out this sobriety thing and how to live happy sober now while I'm young than later in life. Alcohol is nice, but it's just not worth the tax it has on so many areas of my life. I'm an alcoholic/addict and for me there is no moderating, so I choose today not to take a single drop. And life may not be as fun/exciting, but it has lasting satisfaction and is rewarding in the sense that I can wake up each morning closer to my goals and without the dread/fear/anxiety alcohol use to fill me with. My problems and life issues are so much more managable without the booze & drugs.

Ciunius

Hey Krispy,
AA doesn't work for everyone. Regular meetings are a good tool to understand addiction. That said, try to make friends with others after the meetings. Google "rational recovery" and keep us posted on this site. Be easy on yourself and enjoy sobriety your way.

FreeFall

Krispy, you may have to explore different recovery options to find what's best for your situation and personality. AA helps a ton of people, but many people on SR are not in AA and are doing fine too. Congrats on 30 days!! Whatever you're doing is working and you should be proud of that. Be kind to yourself. I remember being so tired during the second month I could barely function enough to work. It got better by third month. Just concentrate on not drinking and keep it simple. Do some things you enjoy )

Dee74

Some great advice here Krispy

I know things can be overwhelming...but don't let your recovery slip...

Many times I let the fear of change get me, and I backed off from things that were good for me...and inevitably ended up doing nothing.

that's not a good outcome - I know you'll do better than I did lol

D

freshstart57

I hope that this is not the case for you, YoungandClean. The benefits of sobriety begin to accrue as soon as you put down that last drink. More money in your pocket, a healing liver, no more hiding or lying, no hangovers, more energy, more self respect, maybe some admiration (finally) from your SO, you will feel empowered and optimistic, and you will laugh more often.

You can choose to quit drinking, make that choice to never drink again, and you will start feeling better immediately. Things will start to look up right away because you are making your life better right now.

quitforme79

I am a little over a month and still feeling quite exhausted. Like others have said, it just takes time I guess. AA has been working for me. I go to the same meeting place so that I can get to know people. Just an idea. It's not the only recovery method as others have pointed out. Do some research and see what works for you. Congrats on 30 days

fallingtogether

Krispy-- congrats! Easy does it. Today is 30 for me too. Don't take onto much. Best wishes!

sugarbear1

Congratulations, 30 days is wonderful!!!

Keep coming back! Every meeting is different.

xa-speakers.org listen to Kerry. She got sober at the age of 18.

Bea M. is a nun who enjoyed the wine too much.

Paul O. was a doctor.

Keep listening and relating IN. That room full of people, well, they felt exactly the same as you feel now at one point. We aren't much different with our feelings. Remember you are going to save your life. That is priceless. Keep going, you will also hear "your story" spoken by someone else.

We will love you until you can love yourself.

Big hugs,