itsmylifenow

I went to a Halloween party last night at someone's house. It was really fun and we were having a great time playing pool.

This guy was there who was not really a friend of the people throwing the party but a tenant of someone else who was.

It was obvious he'd had too much to drink because he was being quite rude and obnoxious about playing pool. I was feeling uncomfortable around him because I could feel the instability and chaos that was happening with him there.

He is drunk off his ass that he can't even steady the cue to hit the ball. I'm thinking why is this guy even here? He is getting louder and louder and more obnoxious as time goes on.

Finally, he threw a major angry fit where he got pissed off over something someone said and in a spiteful moment he whipped the cue ball, hitting all the other balls all over the table.

Then he started to yell. It was drunk, nasty anger yelling...I'm sure most of us understand what that is. Someone was attempting to calm him down but the sound of his yelling hit deep. I started to cry...thought I was going to lose my mind for a minute...they needed to get him out of there. I couldn't leave because I would have had to go by him.

I was so shaken after that it took me awhile to get my composure. I didn't expect to have such a reaction...didn't even see it coming.

I'm always amazed when some other effect of the R with xabf comes out. Just when you think it's gone....

LifeRecovery

I have found that this healing has all taken a lot longer than I anticipate.

I am regularly surprised by how this still catches me off guard.

Then I realized how much I downplayed it when it was happening. I am like a pendulum swinging back and forth....and over time the arc has stopped being on the extremes and fallen more into the middle.

For me this has taken years. The first few months were a constant swinging of extremes for me.

laurie6781

Many of us and I believe this may include you also, have and do suffer from some
PTSD from our time in a relationship with a SO or Spouse or even sibling or child
or parent.

And because we do suffer and it takes time, sometimes lots of time to become
healthy and calm our inner selves the PTSD can be 'triggered' by literally
ANY THING.

I can tell you though that it/we does/do get better! With time, a lot of hard
work on ourselves things that would have triggered us do not trigger any longer.

Hopefully you are either attending Alanon and/or are seeing a therapist. Either
or both can be a big help in working on ones self and can make the time shorter
to some degree to clear up the 'wreckage of our own paths' and get on to the
business of LIVING TODAY TO THE FULLEST.

Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing as we do care so very
much.

Love and hugs,

marie1960

These days, whenever I am in a social setting ,where booze is being served, my inner "alkie radar" is on high alert. For some odd reason, I seem to be overly aware of others (who are drinking to much) AND I do not like it.

It's not my job to babysit, yet someone's body language, or pitch of their voice or LOUD comments seem to grab ahold of me, and I have difficulty breaking free. I can just tell who is going to be the first one to make a scene or cause an issue. I am to the point where I avoid people/places that I know have a negative effect on my well being. Even if that means I miss a few gatherings, it's just not worth it.

Two particular friends ,who are wonderful professional women (when sober), have known them over 20 years,........ lately, when these two have more than 3 drinks, for lack of a better word, they turn into idiots. Loud, obnoxious, bitter, argumentative, know it alls..... I keep asking myself if they have always been this way ? Did something change? Is it me?

Good thread, Itsmylifenow...... you got me thinking....

rainiee

I have not yet been in a situation where there is drinking around me & I have a feeling I'm going to avoid it for a while.

For me, I do like to have one or two beers or a glass or two of wine on random occasions at home with a meal. I wasn't really thinking about my AH that day (who isn't here) & it was a day I was actually going to force myself to eat dinner. I was making homemade pizza & I thought "Oh, I should have a beer with this". WRONG. I instantly was filled with panic- dread-fear, I was essentially terrified at the thought of having a beer.

I'm still having a hard time with how it made me feel as I have no reason to be concerned about myself. But for what ever reason, I was freaked out. All I could think was "How could I possibly want to drink even one beer after what it's done to someone I love". Needless to say I didn't have one & I'm not even sure when or if I will ever want one. :/

itsmylifenow

Laurie, yes I do believe that PTSD is very real after being in a R with an A. At least in my case it certainly is.

As we get back into the calmness of our lives and leave all the chaos and drama behind I think these little triggers just become larger than life. I don't think I ever truly realized how bad all that chaos was until last night. I couldn't believe I had ever lived with this for as long as I did. And, all the small little breaks I had from him were always enough to make me experience some kind of peace, but they were never long enough to truly get it out of my system. After 2 months (Yay!!) I'm finally able to settle back into my life...with the occasional trigger like last night.

All I can add is that I know how bad the panic felt last night for me after what I'd gone through. I can totally empathize with those who have had major traumatic experiences and what they must go through.

celticgenes

I too, have very heightened radar for alcoholics. I don't avoid places where people will be drinking, but I tend to leave when folks get stupid. Mind you, my crowd is in the 45-60 year old range. When drinking is getting out of hand at this age, IMHO, there's a problem.

Hate that panicky, flashback feeling. But it does show me what is totally unacceptable to me!

Learn2Live

Seems like you have been traumatized.

Florence

I'm not a fan. I'll have a couple of beers or a couple of glasses of wine every now and again, but nothing major. Not since the reality of my AH's situation hit me full force.

This weekend I went to a couple of Halloween parties. I left one early in the evening before things got too crazy, but people were joking about drunk driving in the country and taking care of their kids while tipsy in the middle of the night. It made me shudder to think about it. For my AH, these weren't jokes. This was the way he lived.

Later I briefly met some friends at a bar. I had a beer and I watched them do several shots and drink several beers and mixed drinks before they went dancing. One girl was slurring by the time I got there and kept drinking and ordering drinks. Several people were argumentative and brash. I don't know. They were drunk, not tipsy, but drunk. I was glad I was rolling solo because there was a point where I thought, you know, I don't want to be here anymore. I said my goodbyes and left. I was home before midnight and everyone was really annoyed that I didn't stay, drink, and dance. Like I'm no fun or something? Or that something was wrong? Nothing was wrong. I was tired, and that's just not my scene anymore.

It disgusts me and makes me sad to think about the way I used to be, and how this was very much my norm. I'm thankful no one was injured from my or my AH's past behavior. I used to think nothing of going out, getting wasted, and spending the next day on the couch "sick." My AH drove drunk daily. I see my friends and acquaintances do it now ("responsibly," with DDs and whatnot), and I just don't care to join in. If I participate, it's going to be on my terms, and I'm not interested in getting loaded anymore or taking care of drunks.

I've also realized that while a glass of wine is nice, I get SO MUCH MORE DONE at home and in my life when I abstain. I like that.