Brokenheartedx3

Hello

My mom is undoubtably an alcoholic ... Only problem is she's the only one who does think so

I'm 25 married and have 2 girls under age 3. She is going thru a divorce after 18 yrs mostly due to the bottle and her other 3 high school children have chosen to live with their dad bc it's easier that means they are an hr and 1/2 away.. I'm 5 miles

2 times in my life she has been sober for 5 year runs... All on her own no aa so maybe that's why I keep hoping its going to change again. But I think I'm filling my self she's not ready to give it up.

After 11 days she says sober she lied and drank I knew it was happening but hey she normally does good when she has to work the next day. I called up till 11 pm last night cking on her cause she works at 6 so gets up at 430 ... She's always early to bed but I knew she was drinking and had people over so I just reminded of the time ... She said she knew and she be up at 4 . I started calling this morning at 5 am no answer till 5 17... She drunk ... So now she late for work drunk going in and guess what?!? I'm the one getting yelled at for being on her cases!!

It's always the same I'd left a newborn and 2 1/2 sleeping in my bed with my husband on my day off gotten up and was in the car ready to rush over cause she wasn't answering ... When I finally get her I was pulling out of the drive way.. And I get cussed and hung up on by some one who believes they are in fact fine not an alcoholic and doesn't need help with drinking!!

11 days sober is the longest she gone in over a yr.. She attended a single aa meeting at day 3 sober didn't make time for any others I'd found in town and given her info on.. This last Tuesday she worked overtime till it was to late to make the meeting... I took her to Barnes and nobles to buy the aa book.. They don't have the right one she says... Every day there is an excuse a lie something. I pay her bills out of her cking account .. Not sure why.. And I pay her cell phone bill.. Have for yrs.. So I was aware she was lying to me while she was I called her on the beer before she started drinking. She said she bought antifreeze .. Lol like it magically is the same price as beer I told her.

Everyday she doesn't work or days she gets off by 5 I go and sit with her .. Just so she doesn't feel lonely.. Yesterday I didn't know I feel guilty that she wouldn't of done it had I came over .. I know sheathe mom
And I'm the kid but I've always been the responsible one.

This is hurting my health , my time with my kids , my marriage. Yet I can't just wash my hands and let it go. I baby sit make excuse forgive like its normal cause that's what she expects.. But my husband gosh hope he doesn't forget to take out the trash .. He'll be in the dog house for days.

I feel like a prisoner ... Or at least hostage again ... I did all the baby sitting and fixing up when I was little too but now I'm grown and have a family. I long for a parent, friend, some one who chooses me over beer.

One day I tell my self.....

Brokenhearted x 3

HopefulmomtoD

It sounds like you are a very loving daughter, but you can't "love" your mom out of this. She's an alcoholic and she is the only one that can make herself stop drinking- when she wants to. You helping her out as much as you do, is actually helping her drink. Have you heard the terms "enabling" and "codependant"? You'll find a lot of information on here about both. Many will suggest going to Alanon meetings to get some support for yourself.

The short version is you did not cause this, you can not control it, and you can not cure it. The only person you can take care of and control is yourself and that's what you need to do. Take care of your lovely family and don't let your mom's alcoholism hurt anyone else.

Titanic

Her circumstances, I'm sure, justify her drinking even more now in her alcoholic mind. It's sad that you are the one that is seeing it every day. I think it is okay for you to spend time with her, but not to enable, nag, cover for or caretake her.

You can't control or cure her alcoholism or her. Let her suffer the consequences of her drinking. Don't help prolong her disease. Only she can decide that she can no longer, will no longer live this alcoholic way. She has to make the choice or it'll get worse. Alcoholism is progressive.

Let Go. Let Live.

Let her pay her own bills (you can continue to pick up the tab for her cell phone bill as long as it's a gift with no strings attached). Let her get to work on her own "schedule." Let her buy her own AA book (at her meeting). Let her be responsible for herself and her own recovery. Visit with her and be there as a loving daughter, not as a recovery counselor or codependent. Read up on codependency here in the stickies above your thread.

Please consider going to some Al-Anon meetings yourself for your own recovery. There, you will learn more about detachment with love, not enabling, etc. as well.

Peace.

PaperDolls

I can relate so much to your story. My mother is also an alcoholic and I couldn't figure out why all I was doing to help her wouldn't get her to see that she needed to get sober. Why was I not good enough to do that?

I would call and check on her and take care of her and mother her and all I wanted was my mom back. I just wanted my mom to take care of me for once. I was so worn out. Nothing I was doing was helping and I was constantly worried about her. It was making me sick. Literally.

Please consider Alanon meetings. I'll be honest with you, I hated the first one I went to. I felt like they didn't understand my special situation. But I went back and it did, eventually help.

Also, read the stickies at the top of this forum. There's some great information there.

I'm sorry you're going through what you are but I'm glad you found SR.

Brokenheartedx3

Thanks everyone for all the words.. I've recently ordered a few books about dealing with alcoholic parents and did look for a meeting in my area.. Next week ill attend .. I Just feel she has no one else... But it's come down to I feel I have to be ready to live with out her as she constantly talks about Leaving , killing her self, and she drives drunk when she drinks.

Twice in the last year she went to jail. She's it my only parent and my children's only grand parent on either side.

I know your all right after reading on her I have to let her live her life it's her choices and only she can make them.. It just hurts so bad to feel I have to accept she may end up in the grave if I stop what I'm doing.. But as it only gets worse and my health can't take the worrying, my marriage can't take the stess.. I guess I finally have to commit to putting my kids and family 1st and hope she one days loves me enough to put me first...

Thanks

SparkleKitty

If she ends up there, it is not directly tied to any action you do or do not make. Please try to relieve yourself of this burdensome notion, and please do keep coming back!

SparkleKitty

Let's hope she one day loves herself enough to put herself first. Only then can she give love to anyone else.

PaperDolls

I'm sorry to say, she may end up in the grave even if you don't stop doing what you're doing. For me, that's sort of what it was about. I did not have the power to save her. It's a horrible feeling. The meetings will help.