MesoFreak

who am I kidding. I guess I am not going to quit drinking am I... So I have been working hard on my studies, staying up all hours of the night, getting little sleep (sleepy ass hell, and going to sleep like a baby tonight) to do what I got to do. Man I really thought I was going to make it this time; past ten days... I hadn't thought about drinking at all, then I was so tired, did some important assignments, and a midterm and thought to myself: I deserve a break and get some booze... so guess what I did.. f*ckkkk I had more than one, because I wanted to. I have had seven so far. I am about to sleep, but I am reflecting on myself and saying: that ain't progress man

MythOfSisyphus

Well, obviously it sucks that you drank. But it ain't the end of the world. I don't know anything about AA or triggers; if that's the method you've been working with someone can offer you some advice shortly.

My method so far has been to try to reprogram my thinking. To me alcohol is a poison. I'm in my forties, drank hard for 25 years. We're talking 3 or 4 bottles of wine a night, 7 days a week for years. How I still have a liver I'll never know! For all that when I stopped I had no DTs, no real withdrawals at all. Basically a miracle.

I guess what I'm driving at is that I know if I start drinking again I may not be able to stop next time. At that point it's a matter of time til I die from it. When I stopped I was juuust starting to have nip in the morning to take the edge off. We all know where it does from there.

Now I think in a different way. Why would I reward myself with booze? That's like celebrating by smacking myself in the face with a 2x4!

Each day I don't drink is a little bit of space between me and the grave. At t he moment at least I'm too scared to take another drink!

Tomorrow is another day. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get back up on that horse. Next time you'll do better.

pipparina

Start over. But if you still view alcohol as a reward, it will always be enticing. Is it a reward to feel so awful now?
Is there something else you can reward yourself with that's not a substance? My, I'm partial to chocolate ice cream.

Natom

Putting expectations on yourself and using alcohol as a reward is not a good move. The only thing I can say is that you need to get a support network going. SR in itself is a very good support network but it can only do so much. You need people, and phone numbers you can call when you feel like you are going to have a drink.

least

As long as you think you won't stop drinking, you probably won't. I hope you decide to get sober for good cause sober life is so rewarding. Perhaps you should try another approach since what you're doing so far isn't keeping you sober.

fallingtogether

Not to sound rude meso, but how much of a reward is it if it sending you here fill of self doubt and from the sounds of it, self pity? Life changing decisions are just that, life changing. We have to learn a new way to live. A new reward system, one that doesn't cause negative impacts on our life. The things in life that are familiar and easy aren't always worth it, and the ones that are worth it aren't always easy!!! I sure hope you can find your path, because it does get better, I'm working on a new living plan, and let me tell ya, it's hard work! But it pales in comparison to waking up feeling shameful, regretful, embarrassed and full of anxiety, having to defend myself and not knowing what I did or said the night before. Best wishes to you finding your way meso! We are here to help.

instant

Meso I found the SMART tool about pros and cons of drinking helped- having an understanding of the tenants of AVRT from rational recovery puts the "I want a drink" into a perspective that is helpful.

Don't beat yourself up - we have been drinking everyday for years- Being objective helped me put my emotional reasoning to one side

Germanos

Meso don't give up that easy. Quitting drinking is equivalent to changing your whole lifestyle. That same reasoning has made me relapse multiple times. If you really want to quit drinking, you need to recognize those triggers and not react to them. Get back on the wagon today no matter how difficult, don't binge first. You will thank yourself later.

I am in the progress of getting help from a behavioral specialist who deals with alcoholism. It is helping me restructure my life from the ground up, I learned the hard way that you just can not stop drinking and keep living like you did. All of us here need motivation, structure, and discipline. To me personally, I have found that I have to apply those to everything I do, not just focus on not drinking. I know I am weak with discipline, and in order to resist the storm when it comes I need practice resisting urges. I even quit drinking coffee and soda for now, because it was a habitual thing I did. I don't need it, I just want it... but I want control more. I guess what I am saying is, I had to find the source that led me to alcoholism and am learning how to deal with that.

IndaMiricale

Keep trying , one foot in front of the other..

choublak

Make yourself a cake or cookies next time.