milroy

I find it extremely unnerving to think that I have a lifelong illness. It just seems soo ******. I guess everything is life-long though, even the good stuff.
Does anyone else feel this way? Do you have a way to make it feel positive?
Thanks

finaltime

I feel that way. I at times go through different feelings, anger, sad, depressed, frustrated, jealous, annoyed. I used to really wonder "why me" or ask myself if this is really a disease, or something that they made up, my mind has thought every single part of this over and over and over. The only option???? Move on. Get passed it. Stop dwelling on it. At least our disease can be controlled with self motivation and determination. It could be worse? Cancer, HIV, it is fatal, but the good thing? We have the choice to control it.

Sometimes I get really down, wonder why others can keep a bottle of pills in their cabinet and not think about them every second, and then get mad at myself for ever taking it as far as I did (blew 38 grand in less then 2 months).

BUT then I think, 'well what to do?' Sit around and waste MORE TIME feeling sorry for myself???? Or move forward. Be thankful for what I have accomplished.

I also like to go and post on the gratitude forum, that helps. Sometimes I make a list of all I am thankful for. Sometimes I just let myself cry or be angry.

It is hard, we all feel frustrated at times. The good part of this whole disease we were blessed with is if we control the beast we don't have hangovers, we have more money, we don't make as poor of choices, we feel good, we feel proud, we are healthy.

Keep on trucking my friend.

Dee74

Hi Milroy

It's not something that's unique to addicts...a lot of us deal with life long illnesses - some people are epileptic, some are diabetic, some have mental illnesses...I myself was born with cerebral palsy.

You make the best of things, I think

I have to own the label disabled I guess - it means I have to make some modifications to my life...but I don't consider myself disabled...I'm just me.

Its the same with the label of addict/alcoholic - I've had to make some modifications to my life, I guess it's what I am, but deep down I'm still just me.

I don't think of it as any kind of loss anymore - and I don't think you'll find many people with any significant recovery time who feel that they've lost anything by staying clean and sober.

I've gained a heck of a lot from my recovery

It's hard and a little bit unsettling to change our lives. It takes time and a little patience.
Give recovery a chance to settle in, Milroy

D

DoubleBarrel

I love eating shrimp. Love it.
Slowly, I became allergic to it. The last time I ate it I was ill for almost three days, in unimaginable disgusting ways.

I miss eating shrimp, but I don't, cause I know what it will do to me now,
It's kinda like that. Just can't do it.
So I enjoy other things about my life.

I know a guy with treatable incurable cancer, who probably wishes we could trade maladies.