Where do I go from here?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Millbury, MA.
Posts: 6
Where do I go from here?
Hey everyone,
Not sure where to begin here, Im 23 years old now and started drinking when I was 16. I first found SR back in feb of 2009 using a different user name (forgot the password and email) and my first thread was titled "Do i have a drinking problem?" That was when I first started realizing I had a problem (I turned yellow so it was kind of hard to miss lol)
Ill fast forward to this last year so I don't write a book. I drink at least 6/7 days if not all of them. I revolve my drinking around my fiance's work schedule. I put so much effort into hiding it that it is disgusting. If she opens the store and has to be there at 5am thats when I drink if she closes the store I will drink later, if I have to work Ill have a few nips at work and drink when I get home. On average I would say between 10-15 drinks a day with a couple klonopin (I have an RX).
I feel horrible all the time, I recently developed alcoholic gastritis that flairs up 4/5 times I drink but I just keep on doing it. I feel like a zombie now when I grab that first drink..the sober half of me just seems like it has now been COMPLETELY overrun by my alchy half. I have tried AA and it was not for me as I am not a religious person, I tried outpatient group therapy and that didn't really work for me either. I just feel like I am doing circles here. I feel hopeless a lot, depressed and think of suicide quite often.. I don't even really know what I expect to get out of this post. If anyone has any advice on the next avenue I should pursue i'm all ears. I just want to get off this miserable merry go round one way or another.
Not sure where to begin here, Im 23 years old now and started drinking when I was 16. I first found SR back in feb of 2009 using a different user name (forgot the password and email) and my first thread was titled "Do i have a drinking problem?" That was when I first started realizing I had a problem (I turned yellow so it was kind of hard to miss lol)
Ill fast forward to this last year so I don't write a book. I drink at least 6/7 days if not all of them. I revolve my drinking around my fiance's work schedule. I put so much effort into hiding it that it is disgusting. If she opens the store and has to be there at 5am thats when I drink if she closes the store I will drink later, if I have to work Ill have a few nips at work and drink when I get home. On average I would say between 10-15 drinks a day with a couple klonopin (I have an RX).
I feel horrible all the time, I recently developed alcoholic gastritis that flairs up 4/5 times I drink but I just keep on doing it. I feel like a zombie now when I grab that first drink..the sober half of me just seems like it has now been COMPLETELY overrun by my alchy half. I have tried AA and it was not for me as I am not a religious person, I tried outpatient group therapy and that didn't really work for me either. I just feel like I am doing circles here. I feel hopeless a lot, depressed and think of suicide quite often.. I don't even really know what I expect to get out of this post. If anyone has any advice on the next avenue I should pursue i'm all ears. I just want to get off this miserable merry go round one way or another.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,514
Hi and Welcome,
I do understand the feeling of hopelessness that you have. The disease of alcoholism merry go round. Go through a day without a drink (talk to your dr first). You can do that. And, then the next day will be a bit easier.
There are many routes to recovery. Have you considered AVRT? I use SR as my lifeline, but I have depended greatly on books to help me understand myself, to forgive myself, and to find a purpose in life.
I do understand the feeling of hopelessness that you have. The disease of alcoholism merry go round. Go through a day without a drink (talk to your dr first). You can do that. And, then the next day will be a bit easier.
There are many routes to recovery. Have you considered AVRT? I use SR as my lifeline, but I have depended greatly on books to help me understand myself, to forgive myself, and to find a purpose in life.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
welcome back BostonCMS 
I found a lot of support here at SR...I'm sure you did last time and I know you will again too - I recommend you use us regularly tho - really throw yourself into our community...it really helps
some real life support might help too?
There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.
D
I found a lot of support here at SR...I'm sure you did last time and I know you will again too - I recommend you use us regularly tho - really throw yourself into our community...it really helps
some real life support might help too?
There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
It does get easier, I am working with a doctor, and doing both individual therapy and group. SR has also been a great support. This is only day 11 for me, but I feel good, and I am utilizing every support I have. Keep reading on here, and posting you will get support from people who are dealing with or have dealt with what you are.
You are 23, and have a long, wonderful life ahead of you. Use every possible resource to help you get healthy.
You are 23, and have a long, wonderful life ahead of you. Use every possible resource to help you get healthy.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Millbury, MA.
Posts: 6
Originally Posted by Anna 
Hi and Welcome,
I do understand the feeling of hopelessness that you have. The disease of alcoholism merry go round. Go through a day without a drink (talk to your dr first). You can do that. And, then the next day will be a bit easier.
There are many routes to recovery. Have you considered AVRT? I use SR as my lifeline, but I have depended greatly on books to help me understand myself, to forgive myself, and to find a purpose in life.
I do understand the feeling of hopelessness that you have. The disease of alcoholism merry go round. Go through a day without a drink (talk to your dr first). You can do that. And, then the next day will be a bit easier.
There are many routes to recovery. Have you considered AVRT? I use SR as my lifeline, but I have depended greatly on books to help me understand myself, to forgive myself, and to find a purpose in life.
But I will have to check out AVRT and see what its all about.
Clear Eyes Full Heart
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,272
Welcome! There are lots of people from Boston area here...Getting healthy is a great reason to quit. I'm sorry to hear your depression is so severe, I hope that SR can help you find a light at the end of the tunnel. There are all kinds of methods for recovery, and you can read all about them here.
For me, something just clicked that I didn't want to live like I had been anymore. A friend had a health scare, and I realized I probably wasn't far from the same outcome if I continued to drink. I didn't want to wait for rock bottom.
It's been 3 months, and in some ways has been easier than I thought. I had always tried to moderate which never worked. Who knew it would be easier to just not drink at all? I'm not saying it's easy, but it is really rewarding.
Give yourself a chance to live sober and see if it helps the depression and anxiety. Please get professional help if you're feeling suicidal.
For me, something just clicked that I didn't want to live like I had been anymore. A friend had a health scare, and I realized I probably wasn't far from the same outcome if I continued to drink. I didn't want to wait for rock bottom.
It's been 3 months, and in some ways has been easier than I thought. I had always tried to moderate which never worked. Who knew it would be easier to just not drink at all? I'm not saying it's easy, but it is really rewarding.
Give yourself a chance to live sober and see if it helps the depression and anxiety. Please get professional help if you're feeling suicidal.
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