Rosiepetal

I'm not sure what is happening to me.
I thought I was doing fairly well trying to get over EXABY.
I did fun stuff in the weekend & caught up with friends.
Went out for tea with my family last night then whamo, something set me off & it was like I went into depression. I couldn't talk, I felt teary & I still feel like that now. It was like I was a different person.
My family haven't even asked what has happened to my boyfriend although they know he hasn't been around (didn't celebrate my birthday with me etc)
I feel quite alone & unsupported.
I told my sister what had happened & about the drinking & she's shown no support.
Is it normal for me to go round in circles & feel like I'm coping with all this one minute & then dive into depression & doubt next.
I started to miss him again so much lastnight & it hurt real bad.

SparkleKitty

Rosiepetal, try to be as patient and gentle with yourself as you can. It's not going to be easy and it's not going to happen overnight. Yes. It's totally normal and okay to feel like this.

Your family might not want to press the issue about your boyfriend -- and they might just be happy he isn't around. Your sister might not understand how hard it can be to let go of someone even when they are not good for you. I know when I was in the thick of it with my AXBF, some of my friends just had fatigue from listening to my horror stories all the time, wondering why I was putting up with what I was putting up with. When it ended they were mostly just glad they didn't have to hear about it anymore. ;-\

rainiee

If it's not normal to feel like a roller coaster ride of emotions... I'm worried about myself!
I have been feeling relatively "upbeat" (for lack of a better word) & have been making great progress. Today I miss my AH so badly it's not even funny. Lots of tears, lots of sadness, lots of confusion. I know it will pass & regain my smile at some point again & you will too. Hugs

BlueSkies1

Read my new thread I just posted.
It's the damn weather. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Maybe the boardies here are so in synch with each other by reading the same threads we're on some mind wave. Maybe it's a codie mind-meld. (Ok, that joke only works for trekkies.) Seriously though, I watched the same type of thing happen last month.

backtolifeforme

Yes. I've been out almost a year & there are still days where emotions will hit me out of nowhere or I'm triggered by something I see/hear/smell externally. Think of how long you were in that relationship riding that crazy roller coaster....it's not going to be healed that quickly & you will feel out of sorts sometimes. Totally normal for our recovery process. I'd be more worried if you had no feelings hit you at all. We tend to stifle some of our emotions while in relationships that aren't healthy to some degree. They come to the surface when we start facing ourselves & our past.

As far as your sister, maybe she is waiting to see if you are serious about sticking to your decision before giving full support? I am not sure. Can only tell you about how my siblings reacted when I told them I was done for good. They didn't give me support at first. After they saw I was really serious & saw that I was taking all the right steps to stay out & work on myself, both of them came around & very supportive. It killed them to see me accepting unacceptable treatment for years, killed them every time I took the XAB back, killed them to see me slowly breakdown & become depressed in trying to cope rationally in a crazy situation with an irrational A. Some of my friends who were also hesitant to support at first have also come around. People needed to see I wasn't going to be flipflopping over my decision. I understand that & am grateful that they are so supportive. I hope some people in your life step up in their own time to support you on your healing path & new life journey. It may take some time though.

cr995

Hi Rosiepetal I know how you feel. When I wake up in the morning for the first few seconds I really don't know how I am going to feel. For the last few months I had horrendous nightmares about my STBXAH and the feeling they left behind was horrible. Now I notice that happening a bit less and I know it is not normal to be having nightmares about someone who is supposed to be your family/old-friend whatever. I think it must take a long time to get over because the scars are deep. But I now believe at last that one day the pain will be gone - for me that is massive progress from the days I thought the only way out was suicide. Now I think I will NOT let a bottle have that power over me nor the person it controls - I'm fighting back , you are too, it's all we can do at them moment. It's like the story of chipping away at a stone nothing happens for ages and one day it suddenly splits open , not because of the last blow but all the work done before. Sending you Love and Hugs CR995.

ZiggyB

Yes, it is totally normal. I would think, especially in the first month or two that you're apart.

I was feeling mopey this morning about my axbf, ruminating about the past, trying to make things work for such a long time. If it wasn't for booze, our relationship would have been so much different. It breaks my heart every time I think about it, so I've been trying to think about other things instead. It's been over 3 months for me. Mostly I am better, like I only obsess over it for 2/7 days a week now instead of 7/7 - lol!

fluffyflea

e patient with yourself,this is normal.

Be

Sueski

Just be kind to yourself. It's okay to feel it, whatever 'it' happens to be. It's a bit like the weather, I think - enjoy it when it's nice, and take care of yourself when it's not so nice. Boots and gloves, tissues and a cuppa tea...

ShootingStar1

My therapist said to expect this for a number of months, its quite normal. He said that revisiting our feelings about our A is a way of sorting out what happened. We kind of go back and want to be there again, and then realize we now want to make a different choice. So it's part of the healing.

We can't stuff it down and just try to move on. We need to process it to heal beyond it.

He also said that when we get into a bad situation emotionally, it is as though there are demons going in. And when we get out of a bad situation emotionally, the demons have to come out. And, they make just as much noise coming out as they did going in. Hope that makes sense to you, he was much more eloquent.

hang in there, there are a lot of us hanging from that old tree tonight!

ShootingStar1

Lynnrae2

Talk about taking a step back.....I feel your pain.

I walked away from my Ab few weeks ago. I didnt take his calls. I was doing great and extremely proud of myself. Then something happened.

I had a farm that I sold. He was a big part of this farm. Alot of memories for us. I had to go up there for the last time this past weekend.

It was very emotional for me and that was the trigger and I pulled it.

Well, I contacted him and asked him if he wanted to go. He said yes. He went, we had a great time. We went to dinner and dancing. Of course alcohol was involved.

He stayed the night. He slept on the couch(his choice). We both went back to the farm the next day. He helped me move everything out. He even went back on sunday and finished up for me.

And now I am sad. I am sad because, I want so bad for him to be normal and for us to have a normal relationship. And that is never going to happen. We would be good for maybe a week and then it would go right back to the way it was.

I guess the good news is that even though I took a step back. I am wise enough to know that we are never going to have a normal relationship. He is never going to quit drinking and I am better off without him. I am not in denial anymore when it comes to all of this. I cant fix it or cure it.

Alcoholism is awful!!!!!!! It really messes up everyone involved.

I started feeling better when I got back on SR and started reading everyones stories.

Thanks to all of you!!!!!!


Shooting star your post about revisiting old feelings and healing pretty much sums it up!!!!!

Titanic

It's progress up in spirals ... half the time when you're going around, it looks and feels like you're going backwards ... but you're still going up slowly.

It's like going from the long, dark side of the moon nights and short days in the winter to the never-ending sunshiney days and short nights of summer.

Working your recovery program can accelerate travel on the spirals and orbits.

LifeRecovery

For me, feeling emotions was never going backwards.

I had been so busy trying not to feel that I stuffed it down for a long time. It did not always feel good when I started to feel, but even when it felt bad it helped to move me forward.