finaltime

So, all of you (most of you) know that I just reached by 8 months OPIATE free. I am having a hard time right now though with the whole sobriety thing when it comes to quitting drinking. I know what all of your thoughts are, and I know if I am really working a recovery program, and serious about this I would be free from all mind altering substances. But, I don't want to give up drinking, as I don't feel it is a problem. I drank Friday night with friends at HH, had a blast, but yesterday was beating myself up all day. If I didn't have a problem with it, why would I beat myself up? I feel guilty that is why. I also found out recently that while my mom was here for that time she was sneaking beers and put my husband in an odd situation asking him for drinks. We thought she had been free from booze for years, and on to pills and marijuana now, but nope. So, seeing how my mom has not been able to stay clean for the past 15 years, really makes me think I need to be free of all substances and stay free. IT is not worth it, and I don't want to end up like her, switching her doc over and over, then gambling, then back to her doc...I so want to break the cycle.

So, I guess I am not asking for advice, I know what everyone on here will say. I just wanted to get this off my chest, since even today (sunday night in China) I have felt down. I don't like how I become after I start drinking, I always want more, love being the life of the party, and go big when I do party. I want more to life now. I quit pills, and I rarely drink, but when I do I lose my inhibitions. I feel like crap the next day, I eat like crap the next day, and I am over it.

But, I am afraid of that life of quitting drinking for good. Everyone I know drinks, and blah, blah, blah, you guys all know the story.

So, will I quit. I just wanted to be honest on here, since I am free from my DOC but not completely sober. I feel that I am not being totally honest unless I spill the beans.

Dee74

what we say a lot over on the alcoholism board is if you think it's a problem...then it's a problem.

It doesn't matter what others do or how much they drink or whatever...everyone has to make their own determination...generally I think everyone knows in themself when something is a little 'off'...

I haven't drunk for nearly 6 years and others drinking doesn't register with me now unless theyre obnoxious...

I'm happy with my decision, although I didn't instantly get to that place of happiness...it took a little time and a little work

stay with it icandoit

D

Wantingit

Well if you think you'd be better off without it then do it. I know for me over the past few years I had been able to drink in moderation. When I was younger I drank like an alcoholic and I have no doubt I am alcoholic. The big book says of you doubt your an alcoholic try some controlled drinking, I did and for years I could but guess what I was abusing pills.

So for me I just have to stay away from
It all cuz with a few drinks in me the thought of hitting an e.r starts sounding good!! Keep up the good work!

Kalimata

I'm so sorry you are having a bit of a rough go right now.

I think that while addiction is a disease, I think it's symptomatic of a deeper illness or issue. I know for myself it was self meditating for depression and anger issues that led to full on physical and mental addiction. Because of this we addicts need be very careful because a person's drug of choice can easily become something else, if you are using it to fix something, or dull something, etc...

It's all about your motivating reason. If you are drinking because drinkss just happen to be there, and it's a one off thing, I wouldn't be worried. Still, not drinking is a healthy thing, and you know that your inhibitions will never be compromised, because that can be dangerous.

You are doing fantastic, and you will succeed at this.

finaltime

see that is the thing, I maybe drink once or twice a month, but when I do I drink too much. enough for the next day I have a headache. I just don't want to drink one time and start crave it, and end up like my mom and go from doc to doc to doc. I was upset with myself all weekend. I spend too much money, and don't like how I just sit around drinking and drinking, it does NOTHING FOR ME>

SO I wanted to share on here. I appreciate your words. I don't think I drink to coat my feelings, I don't drink when I am upset, I drink cuz that is what everyone else does. BUT I am a recovering addict and not being honest with myself or others by not being 100% sober.

So, the drinks are over. over.

Dee74

alcoholism not about drinking daily, it's about that lack of control once we start...so I think it's a wise decision

D