Impurrfect

SR has had a HUGE part in my addiction and codie recovery. However, with sm's (stepmom's) addiction getting worse, I've not been handling it well. Yesterday morning, we had a huge screaming fight while she was STILL loopy as he!! and had been passed out for hours. I'd removed 3 packs of cigarettes throughout the night, kept checking her breathing and had disabled her car.

Dad came home after driving 22 hours with little sleep, told him "sorry to hit you with this, I know you're tired but here's what's going on". Thank God, I had my volunteer job to go to and left. She tried to deflect the "bad stuff" on me, and I told her that's what she was doing, denial, hurtful things, etc. I was threatening her addiction and she was not going down without a fight.

I had thought about going to al-anon a while back, talked myself out of it. Yesterday, I looked up the meetings and found one tonight that's actually the same one my dad went to a couple of times then quit.

They have AA in the same bldg. Small meeting. One guy in there, said something and I said "yeah, well I'd fit in the other room too" and he grinned, said "a double winner!!" I told him I was slipping on the codie part, needed some f2f support.

The meeting was on step 10, I related to all 7 of the other people there. After the meeting, I chatted with them all. The guy was getting the key to give me the "how it works" book for free (I have no job or $$) and I asked him if there would be a problem in that I'm a recovering ADDICT and the person that brought me to al-anon was an ADDICT. I also told him I began recovery in AA, I respected the alcohol/addiction aspect.

He grinned, said "no problem. My son is a crack addict". I don't believe in consequences. The lady doing the topic of the meeting was talking about something she meant to bring that was from someone in al-anon in Louisiana - where my dear friend ((MrsPink)) is from and the CD of her talk at the state convention is what led me to that meeting.

I had left the house, praying that my sm wouldn't burn it down while I was gone. I came home feeling peace for the first time in a while.

I had made myself a promise with my addiction...when what I was doing stopped working, I'd get back to meetings. Well, what I was doing in my CODIE recovery was no longer working.

The really cool part was that not only did I have a meeting-after-the-meeting with the al-anoner's, I also sat outside and chatted with the AA'ers!

I know meetings aren't for everyone and I'd told DAD he needed to go to al-anon, but I finally realized *I* needed to go.

I did tell them about my "recovery board" as they picked up that I was very familiar in "al-anon lingo"

Thanks to all of you who have shown me that it's not a weakness to need more support. I KNOW that, logically, but I guess I had to hit a new bottom in my codependency to accept it.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Ann

I am so glad that you went, Amy, that may just be the best gift you ever give yourself...the gift of inner peace that you will find there.

Hugs

hello-kitty

So glad you got out and went to the meeting! I hope you will go to many more. You have great things ahead of you Impurrfect. It takes a lot of strength to let go of your fears and the things that hold you back from your full potential. Reaching out face to face is a huge step in the right direction!

Lenina

(((((Amy))))) I am so proud of you for going to that meeting! I think it's going to make a huge difference in your serenity. Good job, my dear friend!

love from Lenina

Impurrfect

Thank you I would have NEVER gone if it hadn't been for the people here. I was like a sponge, soaking everything up. It's not like I don't get that here, but it's just different? These people live near where I do (I assume), some were older than me, some much younger. One had her iPad and at first I thought it was rude, but she was reading from an e-mail she sends her sponsor every night. She's also a recovering food addict.

It's about 15 minutes from here, and though there are many meetings in the area, I think I found a new home

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

laurie6781

(((((Amy)))))

R O F L M A O

It's about time!!!!!!

I knew you would finally surrender.

Hope you try some more of them thar meetins!

Lots of love and bunches and bunches of hugs,

Dee74

I'm proud of you too Amy - great decision!

D

Itchy

Me too!
Ames, I am grateful that you chose to listen to your know-it-all friends. We deserve to have you around too.

funkzter

Good for you and lucky for them you found this new home

dollydo

Good for you, I still pop back in on occassion. I went to a meeting about 3 months ago, I was
amazed at how many of the same people where there, it really is a fellowship.

outtolunch

Huge, mature and positive step you are taking, Amy.

Anaya

That sounds great. There's a weekly Nar-Anon meeting (at least there was) about a mile from my home that I'd attended in the past; my hearing loss became a stumbling block (probably an excuse, too) and so I haven't gone back. I have accommodations but my hearing is still not up to par. Sometimes I think I hear something different than what is said and that's just not good, lol!

Coming here has been great, as I can communicate without having to hear.

I hope meetings continue to go well for you and your sense of peace remains.

LoveMeNow

Good for you (((Amy!)))

I heard a NA speaker who had over 30 yrs clean and just started alanon a few months ago. He said it was the best thing he has ever done for himself- after getting clean, of course.

Keep us updated. We all love your ESH!!

Impurrfect

I posted it about it, elsewhere, but all he!! broke loose last night, I ended up locking myself in my room to keep dad from coming after me, took ((Laurie)) talking to me for about an hour to calm down. All this because sm had called an ambulance to take her to the hospital (did not need to be there) and I didn't know - um, I was at al-anon, got home and since her car was in the carport, figured she'd gone to sleep?

It was ugly and I am still a little shell-shocked, today, though managed to go out and do something a little fun. I did ask sm what the dr's said, but other than that haven't really spoken to either of them.

Dad came in just a while ago, wanting me to go out to dinner with them tomorrow night. I said "no. I'm still pretty angry with you for last night and what's been going on, so I'm just keeping my distance".

I know...feelings are just feelings, but dammit, that was hard and I had to fight back the guilt.
He just came BACK in, begging me to go out with them tonight for sm's b'day (which is on Monday). I told him "no, I'm going to another al-anon meeting tonight".

Third time he comes in (he's gotten much humbler each time) tells me he will have the money to help me with my insurance, I say "thank you".

This is where I usually forgive, everything goes back to normal like nothing ever happened - the codie dance. I am really uncomfortable changing the dance, but less than 2 hours to the meeting and I can read "how it works" or actually do some homework to pass the time.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

crazybabie

I am so glad your first meeting turned out to be home they have no clue how lucky they are.

Impurrfect

Just a little update. I went back to the same meeting the next night. One familiar face, 3 strangers. It was AMAZING!! The topic was "expectations" and I told about my night before, about my DAD'S expectations (never got to mine) but that was what was bothering me.

I got looks of compassion, looks like "sweetie, I understand". I talked with a young lady, after the meeting...her bf is a crack addict, going to AA (another room) and she said "are you coming back?!?!?" I assured her I would be back on Sat. (Fri. I am working at my volunteer job, which is another form of therapy).

I've been reading "How it Works" before I go to sleep at night. Today? I woke up, feeling total peace. I talked to my dad, my sm, I acknowledged MY wrongs (reacting in anger out of fear), and for today? We are okay. We may not like each other, but there is love.

I don't know if I will need to find more meetings during the week, but I am totally amazed at the difference in me with 2 meetings and a book. Those who know me, here, know I've been active in this forum for years. The people here have gotten me through some horrendous times.

I'm just saying that when what we're doing isn't working any more, or not enough, it's okay to reach out for more help. I would have never gone to a meeting if it hadn't been for the people here who have, and I thank you all

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

LoveMeNow

Thank you Amy for the update. I know I always feel so much better after a meeting. I try to mix up the meetings so I can meet more people and each has something different to offer.

Impurrfect

((LMN)) - thanks for that. I live where there are four different counties nearby and meetings, though they often meet on the same night. A friend of mine from school asked me "did you check other places?" She's NOT an A nor a codie, but she knows what I'm going through. I think I will check out other meetings.

I haven't been an "meeting person" in several years (when I went to AA), but I can see what a difference those 2 meetings have made in me, and I do believe I just may need more, for now

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Chino

Amy, I had my shoulder surgery and it's really hard to type right now (they repaired 5cm rotator tear, 2 tears in bicep, shaved off bone spurs), but I just have to tell you that I'm so happy for you! I know I've said it before but I have to say it again.... you're going to be just fine, because you want to be

Anaya

Inspiring. This brought tears to my eyes.

Thanks for sharing about the meetings, etc. You set a great example.

Saying a prayer for you and yours for peace.