Whats an Employer to do with a addict ?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Caucasian;West Coast; Husband sometimes breathes fire; hence his nickname Dragon & mine Mrs. Dragon
Posts: 176
Whats an Employer to do with a addict ?
Last week my husband and I had dinner with a man (and his wife) that worked for my husband’s firm. He had been there 12 years, and my husband thought a lot of him.
He was found out to be using cocaine. My husband fired him; but offered to cover the cost of treatment if he was interested in getting help. This man ended up getting treatment. He has been back only a couple of weeks, and invited us out to dinner to thank my husband for giving him this chance. (He could have faced certain consequences).
He talked about how his wife had been about ready to leave him before this happened, but now they are working on their marriage. The wife talked about what a change she saw in him, and how hopeful she is now for their future. My husband and I hope this has been a wakeup call for him.
The man would like his job back, and has a plan to make amends so to speak; husband took it all in, and told him to keep working on his personal issues for the time being, and they would talk again later. I think he has burnt that bridge with my husband, but we will see.
All of this had me thinking about the above questions related to recovery, work and family.
From my husband’s standpoint as employer; the problem is not just in allowing someone to come back to work, and then terminating them if they fail required drug tests, or are unable to perform their duties properly; but it's also taking the risk of disrupting the office, risking overall business reputation if they should fail, etc.
On this forum, I often read that people in early recovery (many here view this as the first year) are not able to be in healthy relationships, are not able to parent effectively, and many people refer back to possible brain damage.
However, I also hear strong opinions that these same people should be working, should be doing a million other things that basically equate to living independently. These views seem a little contradictory to me.
Regarding "work" here is my question; if a person is unable to have the emotional wherewithal to be in a relationship, or parent; how could they return to their careers? Not speaking of burger flipping, or stock work; but a real profession where your interactions with co-workers, clients is imperative, where critical thought is required, people are relying on your knowledge and unique skill.
Should employers such as my husband use a standardized blanket rule with these people, and say they are simply incapable of functioning at their jobs?
If so, then I find myself thinking; what is this person supposed to do? Accept this as a consequence? What affect does it have upon them if they are truly capable of performing their job if given the chance? Wouldn’t that possibly damage their self-esteem and compromise their recovery? What about the hardships that they would face financially, and those that their family would face also? They could lie to new potential employers, but that also could be damaging to their self.
I guess it is just that they truly deserve whatever consequences comes their way from their actions of using drugs; lost credibility, blanket judgments by outsiders, loss of opportunity, broken professional relationships, etc.
I was wondering if others might share their experiences with their loved ones returning to their given profession, were they able to? and how it worked out? (I would view returning to college along these lines also, as it is an activity that requires critical thought; and I know there are lots of people here with young people in recovery).
He was found out to be using cocaine. My husband fired him; but offered to cover the cost of treatment if he was interested in getting help. This man ended up getting treatment. He has been back only a couple of weeks, and invited us out to dinner to thank my husband for giving him this chance. (He could have faced certain consequences).
He talked about how his wife had been about ready to leave him before this happened, but now they are working on their marriage. The wife talked about what a change she saw in him, and how hopeful she is now for their future. My husband and I hope this has been a wakeup call for him.
The man would like his job back, and has a plan to make amends so to speak; husband took it all in, and told him to keep working on his personal issues for the time being, and they would talk again later. I think he has burnt that bridge with my husband, but we will see.
All of this had me thinking about the above questions related to recovery, work and family.
From my husband’s standpoint as employer; the problem is not just in allowing someone to come back to work, and then terminating them if they fail required drug tests, or are unable to perform their duties properly; but it's also taking the risk of disrupting the office, risking overall business reputation if they should fail, etc.
On this forum, I often read that people in early recovery (many here view this as the first year) are not able to be in healthy relationships, are not able to parent effectively, and many people refer back to possible brain damage.
However, I also hear strong opinions that these same people should be working, should be doing a million other things that basically equate to living independently. These views seem a little contradictory to me.
Regarding "work" here is my question; if a person is unable to have the emotional wherewithal to be in a relationship, or parent; how could they return to their careers? Not speaking of burger flipping, or stock work; but a real profession where your interactions with co-workers, clients is imperative, where critical thought is required, people are relying on your knowledge and unique skill.
Should employers such as my husband use a standardized blanket rule with these people, and say they are simply incapable of functioning at their jobs?
If so, then I find myself thinking; what is this person supposed to do? Accept this as a consequence? What affect does it have upon them if they are truly capable of performing their job if given the chance? Wouldn’t that possibly damage their self-esteem and compromise their recovery? What about the hardships that they would face financially, and those that their family would face also? They could lie to new potential employers, but that also could be damaging to their self.
I guess it is just that they truly deserve whatever consequences comes their way from their actions of using drugs; lost credibility, blanket judgments by outsiders, loss of opportunity, broken professional relationships, etc.
I was wondering if others might share their experiences with their loved ones returning to their given profession, were they able to? and how it worked out? (I would view returning to college along these lines also, as it is an activity that requires critical thought; and I know there are lots of people here with young people in recovery).
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Miami, FL
Posts: 1,701
As an addict, I think your husband has already gone the extra mile by paying for treatment. I do not think it is unreasonable to not hire the guy back for the all the reasons you state.
If in a year this person wanted to come back and there was an opening, I think it would be kind to consider him. But if your husband did not, that would be more than understandable and in no way negates the kindness already shown.
I had a tough few years after going through rehab, but now have the most responsibility-heavy job I have ever had. I knew I had screwed up my life and had to rebuild it. That was no one obligation but my own.
If in a year this person wanted to come back and there was an opening, I think it would be kind to consider him. But if your husband did not, that would be more than understandable and in no way negates the kindness already shown.
I had a tough few years after going through rehab, but now have the most responsibility-heavy job I have ever had. I knew I had screwed up my life and had to rebuild it. That was no one obligation but my own.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((MrsDragon)) - I'm both an RA and a recovering codie. I can tell you MY experience, and that I really appreciate your post.
I burned bridges, lost a nursing career to my addiction. I've been in recovery for over 5-1/2 years, have worked at fast food restaurants, as a merchandiser and I help my dad with his expediting business.
I was actually still in custody when I got my first job as a server. I DID mess up that job by relapsing, however because I had been such a good employee AND my relapse was short, I was allowed to work for another restaurant, same chain, same district, etc.
A LONG way from when I was an RN with all kinds of certifications.
I've gone back to school, will graduate in Dec. but the field I'm getting the degree in, well, they want 3 years experience. It's still in healthcare. I have applied at literally hundreds of jobs and, so far, have had 2 interviews - for a convenience store and a company that cleans offices.
Honestly? I feel like I've made amends for my bad behavior. My nursing license is "lapsed" not revoked. I have oodles of references from the jobs I've done since I began recovery.
I was posting about this on another thread. I went into a job where they KNEW I was an RA, I was locked up in a diversion center, only allowed out to work. What my employers DIDN'T know, was that several of my coworkers were out in the parking lot, smoking weed on breaks, taking pills, etc. One coworker was really bad on pills, my boss came to ME about it, we talked and he offered her rehab. She refused (denial) and I found out later her 13-year-old son found her dead in bed.
Sooo, I'm not sure what the answer is. Me? I want someone to give me a chance. I understand early recovery is tough, but your husband KNOWS he's in recovery. Does he do random drugs screens on other employees? How does he know that several others aren't using and it hasn't affected their work.
I'm not saying everyone is an A. I'm just saying that I knew, when I got the other job after my relapse, I was under a microscope. By then, I was DONE and I stayed with that company until I was pistol-whipped during a 2nd armed robbery and the company was not very supportive.
I also understand how you just don't know if you trust them. Right now, I'm without a job - merchandising job - company sold out. I do volunteer work. They know nothing of my past because it IS my past. I am loved at my job, and I love it. We have people who volunteer to do community service and have a new girl that is new to recovery for opiates. I can TELL she's walking the walk, and we adore her. She has less than a month clean.
I can also tell you my self esteem has taken a major nose dive because I'm not working. Not enough that I can't deal with it, but I do wonder if I will EVER get past the consequences.
I don't know what I would do if I were your husband, I can only share what I've been through and maybe give a little insight into the situation.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I burned bridges, lost a nursing career to my addiction. I've been in recovery for over 5-1/2 years, have worked at fast food restaurants, as a merchandiser and I help my dad with his expediting business.
I was actually still in custody when I got my first job as a server. I DID mess up that job by relapsing, however because I had been such a good employee AND my relapse was short, I was allowed to work for another restaurant, same chain, same district, etc.
A LONG way from when I was an RN with all kinds of certifications.
I've gone back to school, will graduate in Dec. but the field I'm getting the degree in, well, they want 3 years experience. It's still in healthcare. I have applied at literally hundreds of jobs and, so far, have had 2 interviews - for a convenience store and a company that cleans offices.
Honestly? I feel like I've made amends for my bad behavior. My nursing license is "lapsed" not revoked. I have oodles of references from the jobs I've done since I began recovery.
I was posting about this on another thread. I went into a job where they KNEW I was an RA, I was locked up in a diversion center, only allowed out to work. What my employers DIDN'T know, was that several of my coworkers were out in the parking lot, smoking weed on breaks, taking pills, etc. One coworker was really bad on pills, my boss came to ME about it, we talked and he offered her rehab. She refused (denial) and I found out later her 13-year-old son found her dead in bed.
Sooo, I'm not sure what the answer is. Me? I want someone to give me a chance. I understand early recovery is tough, but your husband KNOWS he's in recovery. Does he do random drugs screens on other employees? How does he know that several others aren't using and it hasn't affected their work.
I'm not saying everyone is an A. I'm just saying that I knew, when I got the other job after my relapse, I was under a microscope. By then, I was DONE and I stayed with that company until I was pistol-whipped during a 2nd armed robbery and the company was not very supportive.
I also understand how you just don't know if you trust them. Right now, I'm without a job - merchandising job - company sold out. I do volunteer work. They know nothing of my past because it IS my past. I am loved at my job, and I love it. We have people who volunteer to do community service and have a new girl that is new to recovery for opiates. I can TELL she's walking the walk, and we adore her. She has less than a month clean.
I can also tell you my self esteem has taken a major nose dive because I'm not working. Not enough that I can't deal with it, but I do wonder if I will EVER get past the consequences.
I don't know what I would do if I were your husband, I can only share what I've been through and maybe give a little insight into the situation.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
turning red!
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: hong kong
Posts: 254
Hello Mrs Dragon 
I'm curious of you (and blunt as usual): did you first come to SR for your husband employee's addiction? I ask because it's the first time since i join that i see this way around and i do find it very interesting to see things " the other way around".
I can only share my experience: ra used to be a graphic designer for advertising agency and for newspaper. He got good position, good salary, but eventually got fired due to drug using. Since then, and it was more than 5 years ago, he never managed or tried to get back to his old job. As a matter of fact he tries to get as far as possible from it. Now he wants to do physical jobs (like cooking, he loves cooking)
One thing is for sure is that my partner feels complete only when he has a job and money of his own. That doesnt mean your husband should take his employer back but for sure as far as sel festeem goes for a recovering addict, job is a must.
I'm curious of you (and blunt as usual): did you first come to SR for your husband employee's addiction? I ask because it's the first time since i join that i see this way around and i do find it very interesting to see things " the other way around".
I can only share my experience: ra used to be a graphic designer for advertising agency and for newspaper. He got good position, good salary, but eventually got fired due to drug using. Since then, and it was more than 5 years ago, he never managed or tried to get back to his old job. As a matter of fact he tries to get as far as possible from it. Now he wants to do physical jobs (like cooking, he loves cooking)
One thing is for sure is that my partner feels complete only when he has a job and money of his own. That doesnt mean your husband should take his employer back but for sure as far as sel festeem goes for a recovering addict, job is a must.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 499
In a capitalist society, business is not personal. Business owners cannot afford or do not care to worry about the self-esteem and financial hardship of everyone they employ. In small businesses, this line is fuzzy all the time, but as a general rule I think it's a mistake to assume that a corporation will be concerned with anything more than the growth of capital. I think this is why so many large companies automatically reject any applicant with a felony record. They are a liability, and pose a greater risk to the bottom line. It's not ideal, but it's how the world works.
Sometimes flipping burgers is where drugs land you. If that happens, the addict has nobody to blame but themselves. But in this case, if the guy wanted to go work somewhere else, what is stopping him from doing so? Why is the onus on your husband to make sure this guy has all the best chances at employment, or a successful recovery? I think the onus should be on the addict. Not only that, but I think that making recovery easy facilitates relapse. Because recovery isn't easy, life isn't easy, and if we never allow anyone to develop the skills necessary to thrive on their own when things aren't ideal (as they rarely are), we're essentially robbing them of their ability to succeed.
It's an interesting question. I'm glad you put it here.
Sometimes flipping burgers is where drugs land you. If that happens, the addict has nobody to blame but themselves. But in this case, if the guy wanted to go work somewhere else, what is stopping him from doing so? Why is the onus on your husband to make sure this guy has all the best chances at employment, or a successful recovery? I think the onus should be on the addict. Not only that, but I think that making recovery easy facilitates relapse. Because recovery isn't easy, life isn't easy, and if we never allow anyone to develop the skills necessary to thrive on their own when things aren't ideal (as they rarely are), we're essentially robbing them of their ability to succeed.
It's an interesting question. I'm glad you put it here.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
It sounds like there might be a bit of a cocaine problem at your husband's firm- first your son, now another man from the firm... I may be a bit of a conspiracy theorist, but where there's lots of smoke, you can usually find a fire.
Speaking of your son, how was his caribbean vacation with the new girlfriend? Is she still in the picture? Anymore bloody pool or gun incidents or is he behaving himself these days?
Speaking of your son, how was his caribbean vacation with the new girlfriend? Is she still in the picture? Anymore bloody pool or gun incidents or is he behaving himself these days?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Most employers have documented policies regarding illegal drug use or possession and strive to avoid potential wrongful termination litigation.
Because using, selling, or possessing illegal drugs is a crime, many employers maintain a zero tolerance policy and immediately terminate employees who engage in this type of behavior, at work and do not rehire them.
Employers who trend a tad more benevolent tend to respond on a case by case basis. This often can and does become a problem because it's inconsistent. If Employee A is terminated, Employee B is given a leave of absence and Employee C is asked to get counseling, Employee A may have a reasonable basis for a wrongful termination suit. Now the employer is put in a position of having to defend itself.
Before compelling any/all employees to submit to drug testing, it's makes sense to obtain legal advise.
Because using, selling, or possessing illegal drugs is a crime, many employers maintain a zero tolerance policy and immediately terminate employees who engage in this type of behavior, at work and do not rehire them.
Employers who trend a tad more benevolent tend to respond on a case by case basis. This often can and does become a problem because it's inconsistent. If Employee A is terminated, Employee B is given a leave of absence and Employee C is asked to get counseling, Employee A may have a reasonable basis for a wrongful termination suit. Now the employer is put in a position of having to defend itself.
Before compelling any/all employees to submit to drug testing, it's makes sense to obtain legal advise.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Island of Misfit Toys
Posts: 102
GIVE PEOPLE WHO HAVE SHOWN ACTION AND DESIRE TO CHANGE A CHANCE.
That's what you do. Everyone makes mistakes. Every new employee is a potential risk, that risk is part of life. Is the risk greater with a person who you know is working on bettering themselves than that of a person you don't know at all? Why are people with addictions or in recovery treated like exotic plants that need special handling?
In my experience I've seen how the mentally ill feel prejudged and ostrocized, but I feel that the well hidden prejudice is against those who have suffered from addiction. There's a lot more fault and blame placed on people who are working on addictions, as if they are doing it on purpose or that it is something that you can turn on and off.
The bottom line is whether or not the person can get the job done.
That's what you do. Everyone makes mistakes. Every new employee is a potential risk, that risk is part of life. Is the risk greater with a person who you know is working on bettering themselves than that of a person you don't know at all? Why are people with addictions or in recovery treated like exotic plants that need special handling?
In my experience I've seen how the mentally ill feel prejudged and ostrocized, but I feel that the well hidden prejudice is against those who have suffered from addiction. There's a lot more fault and blame placed on people who are working on addictions, as if they are doing it on purpose or that it is something that you can turn on and off.
The bottom line is whether or not the person can get the job done.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 493
Originally Posted by MrsDragon 
Regarding "work" here is my question; if a person is unable to have the emotional wherewithal to be in a relationship, or parent; how could they return to their careers?
Back to your question.
Such an interesting post... my only input is from witnessing H and how he coped with going back to work after being in rehab for 4 months for cocaine addiction.... I think it depends very much on the personality and the type of work. H has his own business. A big, highly pressurised business for which he is the majority shareholder. It was tough on the other partners, as of course H is the 'money earner'. He seals the deals. So for his partners to 'lose' him for 4 months was tough... but as they say - it was tougher having him 'half around' whilst he was in active addiction. But it was not easy. H battled with the pressure - and so he only 'partly returned to work' with his partners carrying the full load.... even today (and its been a year) H does not carry his share of the work load.... I don't know how his partners put up with it..... H is in the lucky position of owing his own business - but if he was simply an employee - I don't believe his company would have taken him back... H speaks to me about this - he is absolutely aware of the enormous burden his addiction has placed on his partners - H does his best - but he is not able to concentrate on a given task for any length of time... and any pressure sends him into 'can't cope mode;... So now the partners have agreed to 'officially' let H work half days... As long as he signs the deal - then that's all they are expecting from him... which is counterproductive too - as H's self esteem is seriously affected by this...He feels so inadequate... a viscious circle...
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Originally Posted by MrsDragon
He was found out to be using cocaine.
Addiction does not excuse for poor performance/irrational behaviors.
Using an illegal substance while " on duty" is criminal behavior.
The sun still shines
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 472
I don't think holding down a job and being in a relationship are quite the same. A close relationship is far more intense than the more casual relationships in the workplace. I think a recovering addict could hold down a job more successfully, depending on the stress level.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Caucasian;West Coast; Husband sometimes breathes fire; hence his nickname Dragon & mine Mrs. Dragon
Posts: 176
Originally Posted by Impurrfect
((MrsDragon)) - I'm both an RA and a recovering codie. I can tell you MY experience, and that I really appreciate your post.
I burned bridges, lost a nursing career to my addiction. I've been in recovery for over 5-1/2 years, have worked at fast food restaurants, as a merchandiser and I help my dad with his expediting business.
I was actually still in custody when I got my first job as a server. I DID mess up that job by relapsing, however because I had been such a good employee AND my relapse was short, I was allowed to work for another restaurant, same chain, same district, etc.
A LONG way from when I was an RN with all kinds of certifications.
I've gone back to school, will graduate in Dec. but the field I'm getting the degree in, well, they want 3 years experience. It's still in healthcare. I have applied at literally hundreds of jobs and, so far, have had 2 interviews - for a convenience store and a company that cleans offices.
Honestly? I feel like I've made amends for my bad behavior. My nursing license is "lapsed" not revoked. I have oodles of references from the jobs I've done since I began recovery.
I was posting about this on another thread. I went into a job where they KNEW I was an RA, I was locked up in a diversion center, only allowed out to work. What my employers DIDN'T know, was that several of my coworkers were out in the parking lot, smoking weed on breaks, taking pills, etc. One coworker was really bad on pills, my boss came to ME about it, we talked and he offered her rehab. She refused (denial) and I found out later her 13-year-old son found her dead in bed.
Sooo, I'm not sure what the answer is. Me? I want someone to give me a chance. I understand early recovery is tough, but your husband KNOWS he's in recovery. Does he do random drugs screens on other employees? How does he know that several others aren't using and it hasn't affected their work.
I'm not saying everyone is an A. I'm just saying that I knew, when I got the other job after my relapse, I was under a microscope. By then, I was DONE and I stayed with that company until I was pistol-whipped during a 2nd armed robbery and the company was not very supportive.
I also understand how you just don't know if you trust them. Right now, I'm without a job - merchandising job - company sold out. I do volunteer work. They know nothing of my past because it IS my past. I am loved at my job, and I love it. We have people who volunteer to do community service and have a new girl that is new to recovery for opiates. I can TELL she's walking the walk, and we adore her. She has less than a month clean.
I can also tell you my self esteem has taken a major nose dive because I'm not working. Not enough that I can't deal with it, but I do wonder if I will EVER get past the consequences.
I don't know what I would do if I were your husband, I can only share what I've been through and maybe give a little insight into the situation.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I burned bridges, lost a nursing career to my addiction. I've been in recovery for over 5-1/2 years, have worked at fast food restaurants, as a merchandiser and I help my dad with his expediting business.
I was actually still in custody when I got my first job as a server. I DID mess up that job by relapsing, however because I had been such a good employee AND my relapse was short, I was allowed to work for another restaurant, same chain, same district, etc.
A LONG way from when I was an RN with all kinds of certifications.
I've gone back to school, will graduate in Dec. but the field I'm getting the degree in, well, they want 3 years experience. It's still in healthcare. I have applied at literally hundreds of jobs and, so far, have had 2 interviews - for a convenience store and a company that cleans offices.
Honestly? I feel like I've made amends for my bad behavior. My nursing license is "lapsed" not revoked. I have oodles of references from the jobs I've done since I began recovery.
I was posting about this on another thread. I went into a job where they KNEW I was an RA, I was locked up in a diversion center, only allowed out to work. What my employers DIDN'T know, was that several of my coworkers were out in the parking lot, smoking weed on breaks, taking pills, etc. One coworker was really bad on pills, my boss came to ME about it, we talked and he offered her rehab. She refused (denial) and I found out later her 13-year-old son found her dead in bed.
Sooo, I'm not sure what the answer is. Me? I want someone to give me a chance. I understand early recovery is tough, but your husband KNOWS he's in recovery. Does he do random drugs screens on other employees? How does he know that several others aren't using and it hasn't affected their work.
I'm not saying everyone is an A. I'm just saying that I knew, when I got the other job after my relapse, I was under a microscope. By then, I was DONE and I stayed with that company until I was pistol-whipped during a 2nd armed robbery and the company was not very supportive.
I also understand how you just don't know if you trust them. Right now, I'm without a job - merchandising job - company sold out. I do volunteer work. They know nothing of my past because it IS my past. I am loved at my job, and I love it. We have people who volunteer to do community service and have a new girl that is new to recovery for opiates. I can TELL she's walking the walk, and we adore her. She has less than a month clean.
I can also tell you my self esteem has taken a major nose dive because I'm not working. Not enough that I can't deal with it, but I do wonder if I will EVER get past the consequences.
I don't know what I would do if I were your husband, I can only share what I've been through and maybe give a little insight into the situation.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Thank you so much for sharing your experience related to work. And your profession is a great example of what I'm speaking of here. It's actually even going beyond because being an RN has a huge responsibility factor; to patients, their families, other staff members, doctors, admin. + it has that added responsibility of having access to narcotics and the requirement as part of the job to distribute these to patients when necessary. So employers have extra concerns too.
You don't have to answer but I'm wondering are you required to disclose past use, or do they request this type of access with your medical records?
Do they have a protocol for reinstatement? Because I'm sure it happens quite often in this profession.
And this is the exact thing I speak of when you are truly good at your job, and you enjoy it; the loss I would think is beyond the normal job loss because you trained for this, it's part of you so to speak.
The man I wrote about here; I don't know him well enough to speculate about his feelings and emotions except for seeing at our dinner that he truly seems remorseful and from my husbands view; he loved his work and was excellent at it.
But my husband & my son they both have strong attachments to their profession. My son has not been working since his suspension (by my husband) and while he had an offer of equivalent work somewhere else he turned it down. Right now he is goofing off, taking vacations and the like but he will get bored soon; and then I hope he will decide he has to make some changes for his future.
I also believe a great deal of self esteem is wrapped up in success at work, accomplishment, and without it I think it would affect anyone in recovery. That is some of what I feel for this man; while he could look elsewhere for work there is a history, in this case clients, familiarity, etc. It would be starting anew for him.
You are showing such strength going back to school & graduating in only a couple months!!! The 3 year experience may be a stumbling block but hopefully you will wedge yourself in and be able to meet that soon. Not that the medical field is short of patients, but would definetly help if the economy improved; I'm sure that's part of your problem. Too many candidates; not enough openings.
Thank you so much for sharing with me. Gives me more to think about.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Caucasian;West Coast; Husband sometimes breathes fire; hence his nickname Dragon & mine Mrs. Dragon
Posts: 176
Originally Posted by Lara
Hi MrsDragon.. firstly slightly 'off the record' but how is your son doing? I had a little giggle at your remark on the girlfriend - and if she would make the next weekend!! And thank you for your positive comments on possible trip to India...
Back to your question.
Such an interesting post... my only input is from witnessing H and how he coped with going back to work after being in rehab for 4 months for cocaine addiction.... I think it depends very much on the personality and the type of work. H has his own business. A big, highly pressurised business for which he is the majority shareholder. It was tough on the other partners, as of course H is the 'money earner'. He seals the deals. So for his partners to 'lose' him for 4 months was tough... but as they say - it was tougher having him 'half around' whilst he was in active addiction. But it was not easy. H battled with the pressure - and so he only 'partly returned to work' with his partners carrying the full load.... even today (and its been a year) H does not carry his share of the work load.... I don't know how his partners put up with it..... H is in the lucky position of owing his own business - but if he was simply an employee - I don't believe his company would have taken him back... H speaks to me about this - he is absolutely aware of the enormous burden his addiction has placed on his partners - H does his best - but he is not able to concentrate on a given task for any length of time... and any pressure sends him into 'can't cope mode;... So now the partners have agreed to 'officially' let H work half days... As long as he signs the deal - then that's all they are expecting from him... which is counterproductive too - as H's self esteem is seriously affected by this...He feels so inadequate... a viscious circle...
Back to your question.
Such an interesting post... my only input is from witnessing H and how he coped with going back to work after being in rehab for 4 months for cocaine addiction.... I think it depends very much on the personality and the type of work. H has his own business. A big, highly pressurised business for which he is the majority shareholder. It was tough on the other partners, as of course H is the 'money earner'. He seals the deals. So for his partners to 'lose' him for 4 months was tough... but as they say - it was tougher having him 'half around' whilst he was in active addiction. But it was not easy. H battled with the pressure - and so he only 'partly returned to work' with his partners carrying the full load.... even today (and its been a year) H does not carry his share of the work load.... I don't know how his partners put up with it..... H is in the lucky position of owing his own business - but if he was simply an employee - I don't believe his company would have taken him back... H speaks to me about this - he is absolutely aware of the enormous burden his addiction has placed on his partners - H does his best - but he is not able to concentrate on a given task for any length of time... and any pressure sends him into 'can't cope mode;... So now the partners have agreed to 'officially' let H work half days... As long as he signs the deal - then that's all they are expecting from him... which is counterproductive too - as H's self esteem is seriously affected by this...He feels so inadequate... a viscious circle...
Thank you for sharing about H. From what you are saying basically it is the stress that gets to him and where he probably would have reached for a drink, or the drug; now there is just a whole lot of anxiety. But reduced workload is a compassionate option given by his partners. I'm sure the goal would be in time to get back up to speed.
The man I'm speaking of here; that too could be an option for a short probationary period I would think; but definetly he would be expected back up to speed soon, unless compensation was altered.
Because cocaine affects the dopamine in the brain; pleasure centers for the most part; depression and related anxiety are common.
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Location: Caucasian;West Coast; Husband sometimes breathes fire; hence his nickname Dragon & mine Mrs. Dragon
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Originally Posted by funkzter
Hello Mrs Dragon
I'm curious of you (and blunt as usual): did you first come to SR for your husband employee's addiction? I ask because it's the first time since i join that i see this way around and i do find it very interesting to see things " the other way around".
I can only share my experience: ra used to be a graphic designer for advertising agency and for newspaper. He got good position, good salary, but eventually got fired due to drug using. Since then, and it was more than 5 years ago, he never managed or tried to get back to his old job. As a matter of fact he tries to get as far as possible from it. Now he wants to do physical jobs (like cooking, he loves cooking)
One thing is for sure is that my partner feels complete only when he has a job and money of his own. That doesnt mean your husband should take his employer back but for sure as far as sel festeem goes for a recovering addict, job is a must.
I'm curious of you (and blunt as usual): did you first come to SR for your husband employee's addiction? I ask because it's the first time since i join that i see this way around and i do find it very interesting to see things " the other way around".
I can only share my experience: ra used to be a graphic designer for advertising agency and for newspaper. He got good position, good salary, but eventually got fired due to drug using. Since then, and it was more than 5 years ago, he never managed or tried to get back to his old job. As a matter of fact he tries to get as far as possible from it. Now he wants to do physical jobs (like cooking, he loves cooking)
One thing is for sure is that my partner feels complete only when he has a job and money of his own. That doesnt mean your husband should take his employer back but for sure as far as sel festeem goes for a recovering addict, job is a must.
Our son was not asked to take the test; although he admitted using & husband had proof; but it's not on his employee file. Husband offered him paid treatment also; son refused, so husband suspended him from work.
OT - Id say you lucked out with his love of cooking. He loves it, but does his food taste good ??
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Originally Posted by hello-kitty
It sounds like there might be a bit of a cocaine problem at your husband's firm- first your son, now another man from the firm... I may be a bit of a conspiracy theorist, but where there's lots of smoke, you can usually find a fire.
Speaking of your son, how was his caribbean vacation with the new girlfriend? Is she still in the picture? Anymore bloody pool or gun incidents or is he behaving himself these days?
Speaking of your son, how was his caribbean vacation with the new girlfriend? Is she still in the picture? Anymore bloody pool or gun incidents or is he behaving himself these days?
No, he has not done anything in questionable taste since he dyed our pool red for labor day. He seems normal to be honest & our family relationship is good right now. His latest thing is that his new car will be delivered next week. He ordered it after my husband took away his company paid for car due to potential liability issues. His car is traveling by boat from Europe; and he's been tracking it. What he will find to amuse him after that; I don't know. i wish he would get bored and decide he wants to go back to work; and will be willing to do what it takes to make that happen, but that is just a wishful thinking at this point.
My husband misses him at the office; not talking to him as much because they have always had a close relationship. Today they went out somewhere together; something they both enjoy, so I'm happy for this time they can spend together today. When our son came over this morning he brought a big box of pastries, and now I'm here alone with them. Trouble awaits me I'm afraid.
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Originally Posted by hello-kitty
It sounds like there might be a bit of a cocaine problem at your husband's firm- first your son, now another man from the firm... I may be a bit of a conspiracy theorist, but where there's lots of smoke, you can usually find a fire.
Industry wide, it is more common for the use of substances not be questioned; it is more of a dont ask, dont tell policy, unless there is some kind of problem brought to the forefront.
My husband does have the standard option to drug test employees, but he has a several hundred, and at this point I dont think he would even consider opening up that can of worms.
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((MrsDragon)) - I don't have to disclose my past, but I've talked to a lot of RA's and family members who own their own company, and make a decision on what to reveal for each interview. One, I told (my friend knew this guy and said she thought it would be beneficial) and he WAS appreciative, but said he didn't have an opening and I've not heard back.
The last interview, I did not disclose as there is no way I would get the job. My license just shows "lapsed", I never failed a drug screen at work and they couldn't reveal that anyway. All they can say is whether they would rehire me or not.
Yes, there is a program for reentry into nursing but it's extremely expensive, rigid and years long and then you have a "mark" on your license. I have a friend in the program in another state, she's completed everything and can not get a job.
I have a goal of working in a position that I can still help people, using my nursing knowledge and new stuff that I'm learning at school, but not patient care. It's a very new field, but I have high hopes
Sorry to hijack the thread. I've been working since I was 16 (I'm 51) and I've found out that, as was said above, there's always a risk in any relationship, be it personal or business. I certainly had no idea that a coworker who used to bum cigarettes from me was going to come back, rob us, pistol-whip us, then go out and kill 4 people the very next day.
It's also worked in the past. Have met some absolutely wonderful people only to find they have a past, but it is in the past.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
The last interview, I did not disclose as there is no way I would get the job. My license just shows "lapsed", I never failed a drug screen at work and they couldn't reveal that anyway. All they can say is whether they would rehire me or not.
Yes, there is a program for reentry into nursing but it's extremely expensive, rigid and years long and then you have a "mark" on your license. I have a friend in the program in another state, she's completed everything and can not get a job.
I have a goal of working in a position that I can still help people, using my nursing knowledge and new stuff that I'm learning at school, but not patient care. It's a very new field, but I have high hopes
Sorry to hijack the thread. I've been working since I was 16 (I'm 51) and I've found out that, as was said above, there's always a risk in any relationship, be it personal or business. I certainly had no idea that a coworker who used to bum cigarettes from me was going to come back, rob us, pistol-whip us, then go out and kill 4 people the very next day.
It's also worked in the past. Have met some absolutely wonderful people only to find they have a past, but it is in the past.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
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Originally Posted by MrsDragon
No, he has not done anything in questionable taste since he dyed our pool red for labor day. He seems normal to be honest & our family relationship is good right now. His latest thing is that his new car will be delivered next week. He ordered it after my husband took away his company paid for car due to potential liability issues. His car is traveling by boat from Europe; and he's been tracking it. What he will find to amuse him after that; I don't know. i wish he would get bored and decide he wants to go back to work; and will be willing to do what it takes to make that happen, but that is just a wishful thinking at this point.
My husband misses him at the office; not talking to him as much because they have always had a close relationship.
My husband misses him at the office; not talking to him as much because they have always had a close relationship.
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