Pain management and addiction
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Conroe, Tx
Posts: 2
Pain management and addiction
Hi. I am new to this and am really not sure where to start as I am NOT in recovery as of yet, but am on the verge of cold turkey out of desperation. I am currently a pain management patient and have been since October 2010 following spinal fusion to prevent paralysis from the C-5 and C-6 level. A bit of my history: I was in a very bad car wreck at the age of 15 that ended up rupturing my spleen. That was the only immediate injury. That was in 1990. Fast forward to 2002 when I started having migraines and very painful cracking and grinding knees. I went to a chiropractor for the headaches and basically just lived with the knee pain. After about 5 years of chiropractic care it was apparent that I was not getting help with the migraines that seemed to show up in September and stay till February like clockwork every year and each one lasted up to 2 weeks with at most 3 days of relief in between.
I then went to my doctor. I was referred to a neurologist. I went through a battery of tests, bloodwork to MRI to CT scans. No results that were useful. I also have had tremors my whole life. Back to the doctor only now I am seeing the assistant who was more understanding of the misery I was living in. She gave me fioricet. It worked when I got a migraine, BUT it stopped the pain for as long as it took to wear off, about 4-6 hours. So I basically lived on that from September to February. In September 2010 I was so desperate that I went back to my chiropractor and after a new set of exrays he was so allarmed he insisted I take that new exray to my PCP. My PCP decided that "I may have stood in a funny position during the exray" which was absurd as what it showed was severe damage, a massive reverse curve of my entire cervical spine with 360 degrees of bone spurs along with protruding discs and spinal degeneration. My chiropractor had never seen such a fast decline in a spine in all his years of practice especially in my age group...I was 36 at that time. So my PCP did a new exray with identical results. I was immediately sent to a neurosurgeon for differential diagnosis and action plan. HIS exact words were "I need you in here yesterday. If you sneeze just the right way you WILL be paralyzed". Needless to say I was in shock. I also had no choice but to postpone a week because our insurance company refused to recognize my 11 year commonlaw marriage, so I had to get married and it was happening that very weekend or I was going to lose my benefits. Wedding was Sunday, surgery was that following Thursday.
Ok, so in 2008 I had a baby. After that my body seemed to go downhill fast. Factor in the above info and you now have a somewhat good idea of my life at that time. 6 Months before the spinal fusion I also had double surgery for a hernia and a ganglion tumor wrapped around a nerve in my wrist, both of which showed up during my pregnancy. Now I have 3 surgeries in 4 months under my belt, but my pain is not going away. The hernia still hurts to this day, tthe tumor that was removed grew right back and keeps growing and my entire right arm has constant pain and weakness. No one will say if it will ever stop, if it is directly related to the fusion and if there is any way to change that. I also have sciatic nerve issues that never get better (all of these issues with my back have been directly linked to that car accident in 1990).
So. Here I am 2 years and gaining in pain management. This past February I finally addressed the knee issue. After being called a drug addict by a surgeon that i was referred to about the knees, I left in tears. I literally went in there asking for some help so I could stop taking these pills just to get out of bed and walk. Instead of that, he heard "Give me drugs". So now I am turned off to seeing yet another doctor, returned to my PCP and demanded HE order the MRI of the knees that grind and crack and wake me up in the middle of the night in shear pain. He did. BUT now the results only show massive fluid under the knee caps, so I am diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis and started physical therapy. The therapy did nothing for the pain, but it did help with my balance issues and was strengthening my legs. Then it happened. The entire clinic that my doctors, my therapy and my records were all in was totally locked out with no notice. I no longer have a doctor, therapy or my medical records. It was all over the news and this whole area is now without medical care. It gets better! My pain management doctor was arrested! Turns out he had no current license. I had no way of knowing this as he was just like my PCP, asked all the same questions, required records to back up what I told him and ran regular urine screens to check for illegal drug use and levels of meds.
Now I am at the point that the standard dose does not work. My whole life I have been that lucky person that builds a rapid tolerance to everything. I am on 10/650 loritab, 10 mg flexiril and 500 mg naproxen. Tried the pain patch and all it did was get very cold and made me sticky. I tried the therapy and now I have no where to do it. I found a new pain management doctor that is legit. BUT I am still in pain, it takes double the dose to just make walking less than unbearable and I know I am dependent on the pain killers. I have a child that I need to be here for to care for, so in patient treatment is not an option. My husband lost his job 2 weeks ago so I no longer have insurance to pay for even out patient treatment. 1 day before he lost his job I went to the dentist to find that all of my top teeth were shattered at the bone, most likely from that car accident so they decided to pull them that day and make a partial...I was given more than double the legally allowed doses of novocaine and another injectable dental numbing agent but all they did was numb my face, I felt every single tooth being pulled and it took 4 people to hold me down while they did that. The surgery side of the dentist was under construction due to a fire so putting me out was not an option. Later I was told that was most likely due to the fact that I have been on painkillers for so long.
So here is my dilemma...I am a true pain management case due to a car accident and slowly but surely new problems are found that are attributed to that car accident from 22 years ago. My spine is decintegrating as I type this with no way to stop it. I can hardly walk as it is and I have a ridiculous tolerance for what I already take and am terrified of taking even more or the alternative, Oxycontin and it is very hard to get in my state anyway, and I am thankful for that. I have to base everything I do and everywhere I go on how many pills I have, if I can drive the distance both ways, can I do it and care for my kid if i have to take more and will I be able to take a day and not get out of bed (will my husband really get that day off). So, since I am truly tired of living my life around pills and pain, I am about at the point that I may just say "I am done" and go cold turkey into disturbingly bad detox with my kid here to see it since i have no one else to rely on to help me thru it. I don't know if I can handle the pain without the meds as I will get nothing but worse, I have tried all other options with no success and I now have no insurance to do this properly with a doctor's guidance. There is also NO programs in my area for someone in my situation, thanks to our governor.
What do I do now???
I then went to my doctor. I was referred to a neurologist. I went through a battery of tests, bloodwork to MRI to CT scans. No results that were useful. I also have had tremors my whole life. Back to the doctor only now I am seeing the assistant who was more understanding of the misery I was living in. She gave me fioricet. It worked when I got a migraine, BUT it stopped the pain for as long as it took to wear off, about 4-6 hours. So I basically lived on that from September to February. In September 2010 I was so desperate that I went back to my chiropractor and after a new set of exrays he was so allarmed he insisted I take that new exray to my PCP. My PCP decided that "I may have stood in a funny position during the exray" which was absurd as what it showed was severe damage, a massive reverse curve of my entire cervical spine with 360 degrees of bone spurs along with protruding discs and spinal degeneration. My chiropractor had never seen such a fast decline in a spine in all his years of practice especially in my age group...I was 36 at that time. So my PCP did a new exray with identical results. I was immediately sent to a neurosurgeon for differential diagnosis and action plan. HIS exact words were "I need you in here yesterday. If you sneeze just the right way you WILL be paralyzed". Needless to say I was in shock. I also had no choice but to postpone a week because our insurance company refused to recognize my 11 year commonlaw marriage, so I had to get married and it was happening that very weekend or I was going to lose my benefits. Wedding was Sunday, surgery was that following Thursday.
Ok, so in 2008 I had a baby. After that my body seemed to go downhill fast. Factor in the above info and you now have a somewhat good idea of my life at that time. 6 Months before the spinal fusion I also had double surgery for a hernia and a ganglion tumor wrapped around a nerve in my wrist, both of which showed up during my pregnancy. Now I have 3 surgeries in 4 months under my belt, but my pain is not going away. The hernia still hurts to this day, tthe tumor that was removed grew right back and keeps growing and my entire right arm has constant pain and weakness. No one will say if it will ever stop, if it is directly related to the fusion and if there is any way to change that. I also have sciatic nerve issues that never get better (all of these issues with my back have been directly linked to that car accident in 1990).
So. Here I am 2 years and gaining in pain management. This past February I finally addressed the knee issue. After being called a drug addict by a surgeon that i was referred to about the knees, I left in tears. I literally went in there asking for some help so I could stop taking these pills just to get out of bed and walk. Instead of that, he heard "Give me drugs". So now I am turned off to seeing yet another doctor, returned to my PCP and demanded HE order the MRI of the knees that grind and crack and wake me up in the middle of the night in shear pain. He did. BUT now the results only show massive fluid under the knee caps, so I am diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis and started physical therapy. The therapy did nothing for the pain, but it did help with my balance issues and was strengthening my legs. Then it happened. The entire clinic that my doctors, my therapy and my records were all in was totally locked out with no notice. I no longer have a doctor, therapy or my medical records. It was all over the news and this whole area is now without medical care. It gets better! My pain management doctor was arrested! Turns out he had no current license. I had no way of knowing this as he was just like my PCP, asked all the same questions, required records to back up what I told him and ran regular urine screens to check for illegal drug use and levels of meds.
Now I am at the point that the standard dose does not work. My whole life I have been that lucky person that builds a rapid tolerance to everything. I am on 10/650 loritab, 10 mg flexiril and 500 mg naproxen. Tried the pain patch and all it did was get very cold and made me sticky. I tried the therapy and now I have no where to do it. I found a new pain management doctor that is legit. BUT I am still in pain, it takes double the dose to just make walking less than unbearable and I know I am dependent on the pain killers. I have a child that I need to be here for to care for, so in patient treatment is not an option. My husband lost his job 2 weeks ago so I no longer have insurance to pay for even out patient treatment. 1 day before he lost his job I went to the dentist to find that all of my top teeth were shattered at the bone, most likely from that car accident so they decided to pull them that day and make a partial...I was given more than double the legally allowed doses of novocaine and another injectable dental numbing agent but all they did was numb my face, I felt every single tooth being pulled and it took 4 people to hold me down while they did that. The surgery side of the dentist was under construction due to a fire so putting me out was not an option. Later I was told that was most likely due to the fact that I have been on painkillers for so long.
So here is my dilemma...I am a true pain management case due to a car accident and slowly but surely new problems are found that are attributed to that car accident from 22 years ago. My spine is decintegrating as I type this with no way to stop it. I can hardly walk as it is and I have a ridiculous tolerance for what I already take and am terrified of taking even more or the alternative, Oxycontin and it is very hard to get in my state anyway, and I am thankful for that. I have to base everything I do and everywhere I go on how many pills I have, if I can drive the distance both ways, can I do it and care for my kid if i have to take more and will I be able to take a day and not get out of bed (will my husband really get that day off). So, since I am truly tired of living my life around pills and pain, I am about at the point that I may just say "I am done" and go cold turkey into disturbingly bad detox with my kid here to see it since i have no one else to rely on to help me thru it. I don't know if I can handle the pain without the meds as I will get nothing but worse, I have tried all other options with no success and I now have no insurance to do this properly with a doctor's guidance. There is also NO programs in my area for someone in my situation, thanks to our governor.
What do I do now???
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,456
I'm sorry for your situation EE. I live with chronic pain as well so I know how demoralising and energy draining it can be.
I think professional advice is needed.
I'm not American so I'm not sure what advice to give you other than give you this link - these people may be able to point you in the right direction for getting some professional advice about your health issues and drug use.
2-1-1 Call Center Search
Maybe others will have some more specific local knowledge 
You'll find a lot of support here too - welcome
D
I think professional advice is needed.
I'm not American so I'm not sure what advice to give you other than give you this link - these people may be able to point you in the right direction for getting some professional advice about your health issues and drug use.
2-1-1 Call Center Search
2-1-1 provides free and confidential information and referral. Call 2-1-1 for help with food, housing, employment, health care, counseling and more. Learn more about your local 2-1-1 by looking it up here.
You'll find a lot of support here too - welcome
D
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,518
That's excellent advice from Dee. I know chronic pain is miserable, but I think you need to find a dr to talk to in order to stop using the drugs and to find a way to manage the pain.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: AZ
Posts: 247
I am so sorry you are going through this.
I live with chronic pain and like you I had built up such a tolerance that nothing worked anymore. Reached the point that I didn't want to live my life on what time I had to take the next pill...
I was on oxycodone.
I got off cold turkey... Not going to lie to you and tell you it was fun, because it wasn't...But the good news is that now that I am off them I feel better...The pain is still there. Use ice packs alot... Use Ibuprofen 600 mg which is better then nothing..
I encourage you to talk to someone in the medical profession...
We can offer you support and encouragment here.
Getting off of them is worth the withdrawals.... You are on the right path in deciding to get off them...
Best wishes
Chrisy
I live with chronic pain and like you I had built up such a tolerance that nothing worked anymore. Reached the point that I didn't want to live my life on what time I had to take the next pill...
I was on oxycodone.
I got off cold turkey... Not going to lie to you and tell you it was fun, because it wasn't...But the good news is that now that I am off them I feel better...The pain is still there. Use ice packs alot... Use Ibuprofen 600 mg which is better then nothing..
I encourage you to talk to someone in the medical profession...
We can offer you support and encouragment here.
Getting off of them is worth the withdrawals.... You are on the right path in deciding to get off them...
Best wishes
Chrisy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Conroe, Tx
Posts: 2
Thanks to all of you for replying. I really hope I can do this, it is so hard to even say the words "I am done" and really stick to it when I know I basically need them to be able to effectively care for a nearly 4 year old. It would be so much easier if I at the very least had a sitter so I could go thru the initial withdrawl and not have her see that or be the only person here. My fears are what happens after I stop taking them, will I be able to walk, how will I keep up with my kid, how do I tell her I can't take her to the park because I can't keep her safe....? I know I am not the first or only person with these fears, but after having one child stolen from me I am terrified of losing her. (my mother stole my son from me when he was an infant because his father was on drugs, not me, but mostly to turn him into a paycheck and to torture me, and I never saw him again till he was 18...2 years ago) I really really want off them and I have no doctors to help me do it thanks to no insurance, so I am basically on my own with this. I wouldn't be able to do in patient treatment for the same reasons, who would take care of her? My husband started a new job last week so he couldn't do it. I have no family here, I ran 1500 miles away from them to save myself and it was the best thing I ever did for myself.
In all honesty I am terrified of going cold turkey, but more terrified of losing my daughter. If I can't get a grip on this soon and find a way to deal with the pain I just may.
In all honesty I am terrified of going cold turkey, but more terrified of losing my daughter. If I can't get a grip on this soon and find a way to deal with the pain I just may.
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