Weasel1966

I did not do well yesterday despite everything. My partner wanted to drink. I stayed home for a while. Then I went over to the bar.

How do you get better for two?

I have a busy busy day at work. I am not clear. This blows.

I am sorry to disappoint. But I cannot live up to anything.

What ever.

freshstart57

Getting better for two is outside of your control, Ken. I'd just go for the one.

Weasel1966

I know fresh. I know.

Love sucks.

Weasel1966

I cannot blame... I am not. Just sad..

pipparina

aw, so sorry you went through that. But you're back today, and we are here for you. Recommit to it.
You cannot be responsible for someone else's sobriety, but you know that already.

Keep close to us and your sponsor today. Real close.

hypochondriac

Sorry to hear it Ken x

fallingtogether

Awe weasel. Pick yourself up and dust yourself off. Look forward and not back. The one thing an old wise one told me, is that we can't keep them sober.... We are only responsible for ourselves. For me, if I could drink and feel happy, I might just do that, but I can't. That first drink leads to many more drinks, and loads of guilt anguish, depressions, anxiety and embarrassment. It's just not fun any more. That's why I can't do it. It's just not worth it anymore. I have to live a sober, not somber life today. We are aiming for progress not perfection. So start over today and look forward. Recovery for me is freeing, and it makes me happy, drinking used to make me happy, now it doesn't. You can do this! Best wishes!

Weasel1966

When you are sober for a while.... And then you drink. It is ten times worse than when I drank all the time. Make that twenty.

Weasel1966

I speak to my sponsor at 7:30 am every morning. I text him to say I failed. He never called back.

I am done.

freshstart57

What is your expectation of your sponsor, Ken? What is your expectation of yourself?

Weasel1966

Nothing fresh. Thanks for asking.

Weasel1966

Ya know fresh.... That pissed me off. My expectations? When I reach out to my sponsor I have a reasonable expectation to respond.

freshstart57

Was not my intent, Ken, maybe check for a pm? There is one there for you now.

RobbyRobot

Yeah, it does blow. It took me several years to quit, and the singular reason for that is I still wanted to be the guy-in-charge over my alcoholic drinking. I was still wanting to beat out my alcoholism. I was washed up and finished at 18... but didn't finally forever quit until 24. It is what it is, you know...

The other thing that was holding me up, was my trying to control and dictate my sobriety lifestyle. I wanted all the good, and kept trying to short-cut my problems with this idea, and that idea, and work the other thing. In hindsight, I was just fooling myself... playing myself... rehearsing for my so-called sans-alcohol life again and again. Insane, eh?!

I'm sorry you returned to using, Ken. I'm not sorry it hurts. I'm not sorry it pisses you off. I look forward to once again see you doing it right.

As always,

MIRecovery

I have a sponsee. While I would immediately respond if I got your message I do not monitor my cell 24/7 just waiting for a call. I forget to charge my phone, have it on mute because I was in a meeting, lose my phone (doing this all the time, I am a sober ditz.) A little while ago I missed two calls from someone in the program because my wife was having emergency surgery.

I guess all I am saying it that sponsors have lives and failings to. One thing that is important is you have multiple people you can talk to in the program. A sponsor is choice number one but any alcoholic will do in a pinch

Weasel1966

Mi... We are scheduled to speak every morning at 7:30. This was a text at my scheduled time. He has never not been there when I called at that time. I am not being unreasonable.

RR. I have not returned to using. When I see that it is jarring. I have some fight left in me and I will not have that said about me again. And yes. I am pissed. I appreciate that you are not sorry.

I will pick my sorry ass up.

soberjim

Ken...sorry you are not doing well today...try not to be too hard on yourself....hard enough to take care of ourselves let alone another person....We all strumble ...trust me..tomorrow will be a better day for you!

Jim

FreeFall

Ken, I'm sorry your sponsor didn't respond, that had to be incredibly frustrating. Not sure how that all works anyway-relying on someone else that can be unavailable seems like a set up for failure. SR a better bet as someone is always around, just my opinion.

Those Sundays really do a number on you-I think it's the routine you've built up that is really hard to break. Trying to be strong while your partner is doing exactly what you want to be doing is even tougher. I know you can't make him want this like you do, but I hope he can see how his actions are affecting you in a really negative way. When you love someone you want the best for them-he may need a reminder about that

We all know how hard this is. You've disappointed yourself but you can turn that around. Your days sober are still WAY more than the days you've slipped. You need a better plan for Sundays, but that will happen. Just get through the work day, drink tons of water, and forgive yourself and move forward.

MIRecovery

As long as you did not drink today is a good day! Call your sponsor again I have no doubt he not ignoring you he has something else going on or just missed your call. If he is ignoring you get another sponsor. I do not think it is unreasonable to set ground rules with your sponsor so that you both know what your responsibilities are.

Weasel1966

Thank you FF and SJ.

Forgive myself. I will work on that through out the day. I can tell you that come tomorrow morning I will turn the page.

I really don't care that my sponsor did not call me back. It was just my response to him at what would be a time he expected me to call.

My sobriety does not rely on him or anyone else. But my partner is an influence I have a tough time with.

I will not bash him here. I drank. I picked up. Regardless of anyone else's behaviors.

Forgiveness. I just prayed. I asked for the knowledge to understand this a bit better. But then again. I taught myself yesterday.

K