blackstar

Hi, I'm in a pretty unique situation.

I used to go to AA meetings once in a while because I was a problem drinker, but I've been sober for a while now and really have my drinking under control, besides, I was never a "true alcoholic" and always felt a little out of place at AA meetings although they were very supportive.

I tried going to an ACOA meeting as I have used to struggle with my mom's drinking (also not a true alcoholic, but definitely dependent on alcohol) and have a lot of ACOA personality characteristics. I felt REALLY out of place here, everyone's story was so extreme, and I had a loving, supportive upbringing, but with codependency issues and lots of anxiety etc.

I'm thinking of attending an Al-Anon meeting because I am sober and all of my friends have distanced themselves from me since I stopped drinking and I am incredibly lonely and depressed.

I've also just thought of going to Emotions Anonymous but there's only one once a week in my area.

Basically, I am struggling with the loneliness that has come with being sober and away from my old social network and need support but I don't want to feel like an "imposter" at these meetings, especially if I'm not struggling in the same ways other people are there.

I love the support I would get at AA meetings, and being part of a fellowship really appeals to me, so if I could find a 12 step meeting that fit me situation better that would be great.

Any suggestions would be GREATLY appreciated!

I'm feeling really lost.

Thanks!

BlueSkies1

Perhaps you could try several or all of them. You've run the gamut and qualify for all three, so why not simply find a meeting in which you like the group mentality there, regardless of its title? You can cross-speak in any of those meetings anyway, for one, you have experience from all sides of this which may be helpful for others to see the other side.
I have another suggestion--since you seem to be suffering from lonliness more than any alcoholism behaviors affecting your present-day life--what about groups that have nothing to do with alcohol? A book club, a movie buff club, beginning painting, political club, religious club, the list goes on--anything you have an interest in.
Lonliness can often be cured by simply making friends who share common interests!
Focusing on your past can be helpful with issues that haven't been dealt with, but focusing on the past is also, well, focusing on the past...forward momentum sounds like it would be good for you.

Hypatia

In addition to joining some sort of 12-step group, have you considered going out to a few sober fun events? It would give you an opportunity to meet and perhaps make new friends who are also living a sober lifestyle. Might even have a little fun, too. I did a quick google for "Sober Events" which along with a city name or region location gave me quite a few hits.

LifeRecovery

Take this with a grain of salt. I am only speaking for myself and not saying this is what you are doing.

I have found that sometimes I "don't" let myself fit into a place even if I qualify. I would even ask questions like you did, get great answers and still decide that I don't "really" qualify, fit, or that I would be taking up too much space to be there. For me it was a familiar pattern to help keep myself slightly detached.

I did this with an eating disorder group (I have an eating disorder, but not anorexia or bulimia so questioned if I fit).

I at times feel guilty about continuing to attend Al-Anon though I don't live with active addiction at this time. Also my parents do not struggle with alcohol...though both of them grew up in active using households.

In a nutshell both groups were/are great for me (I also go to open AA meetings and I don't have challenges with alcohol). My questioning some of this was a way for me to fall back into destructive, hurtful behavior. I try to take the "title" of the group out anymore and just look to see what I am getting from the group.

I think the saying "Take what you like and leave the rest," is a great part of all the groups you mentioned.

PaperDolls

The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to quit drinking.

Seems to me you qualify with that. When a person puts the drink down there are usually lots of other things to work on. The loneliness you're feeling is very common and I would think that it would be a great topic at an AA meeting. "I've been sober for a while now but I'm feeling lonely since I had to drop most of my drinking friends. I'm not sure what to do."

blackstar

Thank you all so much for your thoughtful replies. I think that I will continue to try out different meetings with an open mind and see if I start to feel more comfortable at any of them. I really do like the support that I get from certain AA meetings so I think that continuing with those, and/or trying out a few other types of meetings sounds like a good idea.

I'll keep ya'll updated.

Thanks!

blackstar

PS. I also just came across CoDA- Co-Dependents Anonymous which I DEFINITELY am, I'm thinking of trying this meeting next week.

MurkedByMarx

Look for the similarities, not the differences in AA. I can look at all the differences and say "oh i never did that, i must not be alcoholic" i used to do that all the time. But when i look at the similarities i know i may not have done what other people have but i sure as hell have felt the same way. Thanks for the post, and for helping me stay sober today. peeacee

youbetcha

I've found that if I put sobriety first, then the other issues I have, codependancy stuff, fears, insecurities etc. come to the surface naturally and I can deal with them, release them etc. I heard a guy in a meeting say once re: character defects, "look at it, but don't stare at it."

PaperDolls

I qualify for ACOA and Alanon and AA.

I found that I was able to work on lots stuff just working the AA steps. Lots of my codependency issues are WAY better. I'm sure I could still benefit from Alanon (there just aren't many ACOA meetings) at this point. I just haven't jumped into it yet. I'm still doing some major growing as I work with other on the steps of AA.

If I keep doing that I'm sure to keep growing!

sugarbear1

What step are you working on? How many times have you worked steps 4-9? Those steps help with many situations in life!

blackstar

I haven't started working any of the steps yet as I have just dabbled in some meetings from different fellowships.