backbeat

I wrote tonight asking for help because I was in trouble, then deleted it instead of posting it... and hit the bar. The craving was like a tidal wave.

I had 20 days.

Dee74

You still have 20 days in the sober bank - all you accomplished and all you learned is still there...tomorrow will just be version 2.0

It's hard to learn to reach out when we need to...to stop the avalanche mid flow...but you can learn to do that too, backbeat

D

IndaMiricale

Thats it a small stumble..

Get up and learn from it. And ask yourself what can I do when that feeling comes again. For me I go to meetings..

Sobersunshine

Sorry BB for your struggle tonight. So tomorrow, day 1!
As a Very newly sober person I have no great words of wisdom here, but I'll pass on what someone at AA told me a few days ago. She said if I feel a craving just remember my last drunk. How bad I felt in every way. I don't know if that helps you or not but it's helped me. Every time I see a bar or a liquor store or think about a drink, I just picture myself lying on the floor, dizzy, sobbing and hating myself, wonderingnhow i had let myself get this way. I was complete pathetic wreck. Not an image of myself that I'd want the world to see. That was the last night I drank. Then I replace that image with a positive one of me feeling good about myself, getting healthy, not needing a drink first thing in the morning, etc.
I know you can do this! Don't beat yourself up over it, but just remember that frowny face you posted tonight if you're overwhelmed by a craving. You don't want to be that frowny face!

Sapling

You might lead to up your game a little bit BB....Add on to what you are doing.

MrsKing

Today is a new day and it can be a sober one, and tomorrow and the next day can be, too. You were sober 20 days and that's fantastic. You know that you can do it. Please don't beat yourself up about this or make yourself feel guilty - neither of those are productive and make being sober so much harder. Have you thought about what else you can use to help you with your sobriety? To make it easier to say no next time?

backbeat

Meetings. Stupid thing I did yesterday wasn't even fun at all. It was boring and I felt like I was doing something wrong the whole time.

backbeat

Now that the day is wearing on, the reality that I blew it is settling in. I don't even like myself today. I really rolled the dice last night... in the past I was often unable to get to work the next day after drinking. I didn't go light last night either but I'm at work for some reason. It seems like my body used the 20 days of sobriety to really heal and get a lot stronger because last night I drank LOTS of beer and LOTS of bourbon. I did a few shots at the bar and when I got home I progressed to just drinking glasses of it and washed it down with a lot more beer.

I feel like dog **** today but I'm actually at work. Luckily I'm on a project where I can just work on my own in my office and be left alone - I look as bad as I feel.

The cravings swept me up last night. And for what? It sucked. It wasn't even fun. What the hell was I even craving? Yeah the taste of it, and the atmosphere. The first few sips were great and after that I was like... this is it? So I kept drinking trying to chase a feeling that never showed up.

So I'm at work, cold sweats, foggy, pale, bloated, tired, headache, and disappointed with myself. It could have been worse though.

Thanks so much for all the kind words of support here. I do need to find healthier outlets, I'll start with a meeting. I didn't think I needed them but I guess I do.

EternalQ

What did you learn from this? Be sure to bring what you learned with you now.

Mizzuno

Hey there,
A meeting cant hurt. Everyone in those rooms has been where you are at today. 20 days is not something to let go of. You can do this

IndaMiricale

Well I hope you do go back to a meeting. I sorry you that you were bored. And as for doing everything wrong.. NOT even close the only wrong thing would be to not be there.

We all walk in the first time with different expectations and dont know what to do even if we read about it. Its not the same as being there.

Please just go , say hi, introduce yourself when they ask is there anyone new, and thats it just listen. And talk to someone if you can..

Someone there has been excatly where you are.

backbeat

Thanks all. The more this day drags on the more the thought of drinking disgusts me. But I know that a big part of that right now is because I feel so ******. Nauseas, head hurts, sick, shaky, self conscious. I just want this day to END and I want to be home in my bed healthy and sober when it does. The thing is, I LIKE being sober. I liked feeling better, I liked the changes, I like my house and being in it and I have lots of hobbies and interests. This just really grabbed me yesterday and didn't let go. It was strong; I tried to stop and rationalize why I should not drink but it didn't make a dent in it. I was like somebody else took over yesterday completely.

sissy07

Backbeat,

From your posts in this thread (especially the last one) it sounds like you are going to be o.k. Many of us had a few stumbles. I know that doesn't make it any less frustrating to you to know that, but it sounds like you really learned from this time. I stumbled just like you did before I finally became sucessful at long term sobriety (well, it has been a year, I guess that is long term) - and I felt exactly like you describe during the drinking and the day after. Guess you and I both needed to do it one last time time to be reminded of how worthless drinking is for us. And the fact that you posted here immediately tells me your prospects of long term sobriety are strong. You will be ok - just remember how bored and guilty you felt last night, and how bad you feel today. It is so not worth it. And don't waste time on beating yourself up - that is just negative energy. Take care.

Zee

Hi Backbeat
At least you are here... at SR!
Thousands of people aren't... I hadn't heard of SR until I had 6 months sobriety. I couldn't stop and I ended up with liver disease. You CAN stop, and you have for 20 days, thats brilliant!
This is THE place to be! One slip isn't the end of the world. You can do another 20 days, then another...

stairs

Hi backbeat,

I had 70 some days back in the spring, then hit the beer store end of May and binged on beer all summer...now August 20 is my quit date.

All you can do is get back on the horse and ask yourself what you can do differently this time, if long term substance abuse free living is what you're after.

I'm glad you're here.

Anna

The main thing is to learn from what happened. What triggered you to make the decision to drink? You can avoid the same situation next time. Build on the sober days you have and move on.

Sobersunshine

Thinking of you BB. I recommend a meeting too.you will hear many stories of people who had to try many times before they were successful at sobriety. And, you will hear how they finally did it.

Sapling

See if you can go in with an open mind....Just listen for things that you can relate to...Similarities.....Try not to compare your drinking history to others.....You're all there for the same reason...To learn how to live without alcohol.

PippoRossi

Hang in there, backbeat! I feel for you, I really do. :: hugs ::

Pondlady

While this is fresh in your mind, create a plan of what you will try the next time you get cravings. Make a list, be creative.....anything to bide some time, till the cravings pass....and they will.