las75

It seems the more 'screw ups' I've have and the more horrible I've felt after each incident, has provided me with the mental ammo I need to fight the cravings. When the thought of 'just having one' comes in my head I force myself to remember all of my past disgusting displays of sloppiness. How I've embarrassed myself and husband in front of friends and family or neglected my amazing babies (breaks my heart). I'm not proud of those moments and, collectively, they remind me daily that I cannot control or afford to 'just have one'.
If anything, this incident is part of your 'ammunition'... Keep it close in your memory and keep up the good fight!
Peace!

Hevyn

Hi backbeat - I just want to agree with the others - nothing can take away those 20 days. You were making progress, and you can pick up where you left off. Now you're probably even more determined to beat this thing. We know you can do it!

artsoul

It's crazy how strong the cravings can be..... Sometimes they would just hit me out of the blue - I couldn't even find a reason for them. Of course, they ran my life for years, so it makes sense that the old addictive mentality isn't going away overnight.

The good news is that it gets better over time (and we get stronger/better at dealing with them), so don't let this dampen your spirit! Give yourself a day or two and you'll be back in the sunshine!

Sapling

I'd also suggest you get a list of phone numbers at your next meeting....They are more than happy to get you one.....The idea behind that is instead of picking up a drink....You pick up the phone.....Talking with another alcoholic in recovery does wonders for cravings.

duane1

Maybe looking for a new group would be in order.

backbeat

So this is Day 1 again. I'm not counting yesterday because I was hung over, and had drank into the wee hours from the night before anyway. Thank you all so much for all of your supportive posts. Coming here is like getting a hug when you need it most.

Martin1

I agree with this.

You are really helpful on this site. You always seem to give great advice, thank you.

Martin1

Good luck backbeat, you will just be more determined this time.

backbeat

Y'know, I just remembered something from the other night (my slip) - when I walked in the door to the bar I got a lot of compliments on how "refreshed" and "healthy" I looked. Yeah 20 days of not wasting my life in that crappy dark bar getting polluted will do that I guess.

MIRecovery

Lets look at AA from a logical point of view. I personally know 50+ people with 10+ years of sobriety and I am sure my experience is no different than any other alcoholic who has been in AA for a while. It is obvious to me that they are doing something that works for them and they tell me, "It can work for me as well."

I have found it wise in my drinking and non-drinking life to listen to experts in their fields even when their advice did not seem to make sense. Although I fought it tooth an nail I did what they told me to do and son of a gun it worked.

Your best attempts got you to where you are so maybe it is time to try something new and listen to the people who seem to be successful in their battle not to drink. Try 90 meetings in 90 days and see if life gets better. I have never seen this offer fail.

I know for an absolute fact that you can do it with the help of others.

NoFireWater

What a great description-chasing a feeling that never came. I think that sums it up for so many of us. We think drinking will deliver some magical feeling of well being and fun and while it may have way way back in the day, that ship sailed long ago for many of us. Somewhere along the line drinking became necessary instead of exciting, and trying to get that early feeling back is futile.

20 days sober is a very good start. Drink lots of water, go to bed early tonight, and you'll be right back on track.