mahai

She has been having pain and has been diagnosed with a condition that will be chronic for probably the rest of her life. She is a very well educated, young woman but she refuses to stick to the diet that is supposed to help Said she followed it for a month and nothing happened. I think she is just so angry that she has this when , all her life, she has done everything right. She is in her mid-twenties. Doctors put her on oxycontin for over a year and last month said, "Oh my we should never had done that and we need to wean you off. So here is some methadone and you will not have any affects with the withdrawal."

She is having major effects. All she wants is for her mom to fill the prescription for oxy just 'one more time'. Her health plan under her parents has run out so they have very little money. She spends 98% of her time lying down, does nothing for herself and expects mom and hubby to 'do' for her. We have noticed over the last year a deterioration in her personality and now it is all about her and her needs.

I am so angry at her doctors. However that is not helping our present situation. What do we do? How much help do we give? Son is very stressed as he is working a very laborious job and then doing everything at home also. He says she has just stopped trying and is not the woman he fell in love with six years ago. They also live two hours away from us and four hours away from her parents.

I worried so much about drugs and alcohol when son was a teen. Ironic is it not that his wife is the one who has the problem but we are involved the same way.

I guess I just need some help knowing what to do. I cannot see any solution down the road as she will always have this condition. Son has definitely been an enabler in that he did everything for her when she got sick and has been very involved with her treatment. Now he knows he has done too much but she tells him that he does not love her anymore when he tries to pull back.

gurlie214

I am so sorry you are going through this. Others will come along with advice, just know that you are not alone! I can certainy see the difficulty you and your son are in. What a mess! Please keep reading others posts and certainly keep coming back! Hang in there!

outtolunch

Do they have children?

mahai

No there are no children and, with her condition, I very much doubt there will be any unless they adopt down the road.

SeekingGrowth

There is a member who posts on the Substance Abuse forum who goes by the name Liv1ce who spent a lifetime addicted to Oxycontin. His posts are just fabulous - I have learned so much from reading them. You might do a search of his threads and posts to learn more about addiction to this particular drug.

kmangel

I would encourage your son to look into an Al-Anon group to help with his co-dependency. His wife is an addict and there are things he can do to not enable her--whether she whines about his pulling back or not. A group will help support him do the right thing regarding his wife.

My sister-in-law was a closet alcoholic. I had no idea she drank. There was only one time I sensed something odd about her behavior and that was over 32 years ago. She died of cirrohosis of the liver last January. I wonder about my brother and her son, how they enabled her all those years as she didn't drive. Did they haul in her booze? It was all such a big secret. I wonder if my brother had sought out a 12 Step group, if things would have been any different.

outtolunch

She's progressed to manipulation. It will get worse.

Given she's couch ridden, she is dependent on her mother and your son to enable her. Either or both are free to say no.

You have no more control over your son's reactions than you do your DIL's addiction. All your worrying is not going to change their situation. You may even at some future date chose not to hear any more about it.

EnglishGarden

The book "When Painkillers Become Dangerous" by Dr. Drew Pinsky with other contributors will give you some very useful information as well.