Hello. Finally joined the forum. Long time visitor.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: MD
Posts: 59
Hello. Finally joined the forum. Long time visitor.
Where do I start? Happily married man to my AW that has been spiraling downward for quite a few yrs. Her mom died of cancer from... You guessed it, alcoholism about 2 yrs ago. Her father has been deceased since 95. My wife is a few yrs older than myself(35) and has always been a big partier drinker but in the past the drinking was once a month or much more sparingly. Regardless she usually drank to get drunk and I was always the punching bag. I told her that I didn't like her when she drank but that never mattered. This all came about a year or so ago. Now we are in separate bedrooms, fighting constantly and after a recent use of the "s" (suicide) word I decided to call the dr. In the meantime once or more a week I come home to her drunk or at least drinking something alcohol related. A recent outing at a baseball game really woke me up to how her brain is losing to this disease. Every beverage vendor that we walked near all she looked for was what alcoholic drinks they had.
I told her several times how I was almost done with us but that hasnt made a difference. So we finally get into the dr where she admits to drinking and the dr tells her how she needs to continue her anti depressive meds, go to counseling and STOP drinking. So later that day I get home and shes drunk. I tell her Im done and want my space. She pours out all the alcohol and says shes done with it. That was Tuesday and here it is Friday and shes at it again. Ive been in counseling for myself since May. Ive pretty much accepted the outcome that I have to leave. Thankfully we dont have kids. All of our stuff is material, except our small dachshund which has been my rock through all of this oddly enough.
I have a few places I can go but my question is for those that left. What was your plan for leaving and how did you execute it? My family is over 1000 miles away and I only have close work friends too rely on.
Ive referred to this site in the past and its been great. Strangers helping strangers.
I told her several times how I was almost done with us but that hasnt made a difference. So we finally get into the dr where she admits to drinking and the dr tells her how she needs to continue her anti depressive meds, go to counseling and STOP drinking. So later that day I get home and shes drunk. I tell her Im done and want my space. She pours out all the alcohol and says shes done with it. That was Tuesday and here it is Friday and shes at it again. Ive been in counseling for myself since May. Ive pretty much accepted the outcome that I have to leave. Thankfully we dont have kids. All of our stuff is material, except our small dachshund which has been my rock through all of this oddly enough.
I have a few places I can go but my question is for those that left. What was your plan for leaving and how did you execute it? My family is over 1000 miles away and I only have close work friends too rely on.
Ive referred to this site in the past and its been great. Strangers helping strangers.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the SR family!
Thanks for taking the time to introduce yourself. I hope you will continue to read and post as much as needed. We are here to support you.
I didn't have a plan at first. I was overwhelmed with so many life changing decisions (kids involved) and I did not know where to begin.
I decided to follow advice and have a few free consultations with lawyers to determine what my legal rights were in my community. This helped me to formulate a plan.
I was not living near family at that time, and my parents were deceased. I was my own personal Plan A and Plan B. I needed to give myself time to make decisions that gave me peace.
Al anon meetings and SR support were valuable assests in making my plan.
Thanks for taking the time to introduce yourself. I hope you will continue to read and post as much as needed. We are here to support you.
I didn't have a plan at first. I was overwhelmed with so many life changing decisions (kids involved) and I did not know where to begin.
I decided to follow advice and have a few free consultations with lawyers to determine what my legal rights were in my community. This helped me to formulate a plan.
I was not living near family at that time, and my parents were deceased. I was my own personal Plan A and Plan B. I needed to give myself time to make decisions that gave me peace.
Al anon meetings and SR support were valuable assests in making my plan.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: new moon road
Posts: 1,545
Welcome to SR. I hope we can be of support to you. You've been through a lot of pain.
When I left my AH years ago, I did it when he was on a trip. He was gone for 2 weeks and in that time I found a rental house in another town and I moved out my things but left behind all the furniture. I took only my things. I bought old used furniture and a used refrigerator and I didn't care about equal distribution of assets. Material possessions did not matter to me at all.
When he got back from the trip, to his surprise I was moved out for good. And I never went back. I also never gave him my new address. These days a person can find somebody, but back then there was no world wide web. He had my phone number but rarely called me, I think because he was relieved to be able to drink without conflict.
However you get out, and wherever you go, I hope you realize how precious a peaceful home is. And with a little dachsund, it will be heaven.
When I left my AH years ago, I did it when he was on a trip. He was gone for 2 weeks and in that time I found a rental house in another town and I moved out my things but left behind all the furniture. I took only my things. I bought old used furniture and a used refrigerator and I didn't care about equal distribution of assets. Material possessions did not matter to me at all.
When he got back from the trip, to his surprise I was moved out for good. And I never went back. I also never gave him my new address. These days a person can find somebody, but back then there was no world wide web. He had my phone number but rarely called me, I think because he was relieved to be able to drink without conflict.
However you get out, and wherever you go, I hope you realize how precious a peaceful home is. And with a little dachsund, it will be heaven.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Yes, Pebbles, technically, we are "Strangers helping Strangers" However these 'strangers'
come closer to my heart in ways that even my family cannot.
Sometimes, in the middle of the night, when I feel like my heart is going to dissolve from the pain---the feeling of connection to this community feels like a gentle hand on my shoulder.
Truly a remarkable thing. Like invisible spiritual connections.
Pebbles1212-----WELCOME TO THE FAMILY. BROTHER!!
dandylion
come closer to my heart in ways that even my family cannot.
Sometimes, in the middle of the night, when I feel like my heart is going to dissolve from the pain---the feeling of connection to this community feels like a gentle hand on my shoulder.
Truly a remarkable thing. Like invisible spiritual connections.
Pebbles1212-----WELCOME TO THE FAMILY. BROTHER!!
dandylion
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: MD
Posts: 59
Thank you for the warm welcome. Another sleepness night last night since she was out with her drinking girlfriend and never came home. Her drinking girlfriend also happens to have an AH and hates him for it. My wife talks about how her friends husband wont go to counseling etc and yet my wife is the same way. I plan to utilize a free lawyer consultation on Monday so I can arm myself with what I need to make a good decision. The only time Im at peace is when she isnt here. Even as i type this I'm really not too worried about her whereabouts. I had a peaceful night that although mostly sleepless it was the anticipation of her coming home and ruining that that kept me up.
My wife works shift work which doesnt help the situation. She told me her dad left her mom because of her drinking when my wife was a kid. Its absolutely crazy that lives repeat themselves like this. My wifes mom never got help and was in deep denial up till her death.
My wife does have an older brother thats married with a daughter. I don't believe he suffers from this disease as he knows what it did to his family. I think that once I leave I will contact him to let him know about things and what is going on. I dont know what reaction Id get but I feel its partly my responsibility to make him aware.
Thank you SOO much for any advice.
My wife works shift work which doesnt help the situation. She told me her dad left her mom because of her drinking when my wife was a kid. Its absolutely crazy that lives repeat themselves like this. My wifes mom never got help and was in deep denial up till her death.
My wife does have an older brother thats married with a daughter. I don't believe he suffers from this disease as he knows what it did to his family. I think that once I leave I will contact him to let him know about things and what is going on. I dont know what reaction Id get but I feel its partly my responsibility to make him aware.
Thank you SOO much for any advice.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: MD
Posts: 59
Well thankfully the aw spent the previous night at her friends place. It doesn't really matter too much right now. I confided in a coworker today to see if he'd be willing to take me in temporarily at his apartment near our work. He was totally cool with it and hopefully tomorrow I can go check it out.
The AW and I are supposed to be going to church tomorrow morning. This is something we havent done in years. Unfortunately she has trouble believing in a Higher power where I have always believed.
I have no idea how to approach leaving her since she usually is rather irrational even during her sober times. Lately since the separate bedrooms and me telling her I want space she has began accusing me of cheating, not true btw. That is just a diversion since she knows I want my space due to her drinking. Anything to not deal with the root cause I guess.
If anyone has any other leaving stories to tell Im all ears. Thanks so much.
The AW and I are supposed to be going to church tomorrow morning. This is something we havent done in years. Unfortunately she has trouble believing in a Higher power where I have always believed.
I have no idea how to approach leaving her since she usually is rather irrational even during her sober times. Lately since the separate bedrooms and me telling her I want space she has began accusing me of cheating, not true btw. That is just a diversion since she knows I want my space due to her drinking. Anything to not deal with the root cause I guess.
If anyone has any other leaving stories to tell Im all ears. Thanks so much.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: west coast
Posts: 1,068
I am happy to hear you have a plan to move out. You are very wise. I wish you the strength and courage to follow through with your plan, even if it is not perfect . . .otherwise . . .you can see where this is going and it is not fun.
If I could have avoided this nightmare, I would have done anything in my power to have done so. Anyone who "signs up" for this is crazy, from my point-of-view . . .so you are obviously of very sound mind . . .wishing you the best.
If I could have avoided this nightmare, I would have done anything in my power to have done so. Anyone who "signs up" for this is crazy, from my point-of-view . . .so you are obviously of very sound mind . . .wishing you the best.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: MD
Posts: 59
I was productive for a Monday work day today. Went and consulted a family services lawyer (free) and also went to my counselor. We are still in separate bedrooms and it doesnt really bother me at all. I keep telling myself that any sadness I feel will pass just like others have said here. There are moments when I feel like I'm the only person in this thats trying. I dont believe my wife has drank but her working the night shift stifles that.
Thank you all SOOO much for your kind words and support.
Thank you all SOOO much for your kind words and support.
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 1,637
Good work! I'n glad to hear you are working on an extraction plan!! I too plan my departure alone with some help of my coworkers and a few close friends and family members. I kept a tight support group because I really didn't want a 3-ring circus on moving day.
Like englishgarden, the kids and I left with only a few key possessions. I bought mostly new stuff because it was easier that fighting with my XAH. I had good legal advice guiding me as well!!!
We are 9 months into our new life... It's not perfect. There are some bad days (and rotten days like today!)... But even at its worst, it's way better than living with alcoholism.
Good luck and I'm glad you finally spoke up
Shannon
Like englishgarden, the kids and I left with only a few key possessions. I bought mostly new stuff because it was easier that fighting with my XAH. I had good legal advice guiding me as well!!!
We are 9 months into our new life... It's not perfect. There are some bad days (and rotten days like today!)... But even at its worst, it's way better than living with alcoholism.
Good luck and I'm glad you finally spoke up
Shannon
Bunnies!
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,905
I don't have any experience leaving an alcoholic spouse, but I have left abusive relationships (I'm an ACoA, which generally instills a magnetic attraction to complete douchebags). Everything you're doing is right on track to a brighter, healthier future. Welcome to SR!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: new moon road
Posts: 1,545
Pebbles,
In my city there is a Men-Only Al-Anon group. If you can't find one in your town you might see if there's one online. It might be some additional support to you, and we are rooting for you here, too.
In my city there is a Men-Only Al-Anon group. If you can't find one in your town you might see if there's one online. It might be some additional support to you, and we are rooting for you here, too.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
Pebbles, I feel for you. I left my AH of almost 20 years on July 4th because of his alcohol, abuse, and porn use. I am much happier on my own.
One thing to think about if you are planning to leave, or even just seriously considering it, is to take all the financial records you may need. Bank accounts, bill paying records, investments, retirement, credit card accounts, all that stuff. Get the names, account numbers, addresses, on-line access with user names and passwords, mailing addresses, customer service numbers and all, birth certificate, marriage license, ownership for the dog, phone numbers for friends, doctors, family, anything and everything you might need.
Take care of your finances, too. Make sure you have a bank account in your name only and deposit enough money to keep you going for a while.
Figure out what you need to do to protect your credit rating. You may want to remove your wife's name as second user on credit cards where you are the primary user, and you may want to remove your name from credit cards where she is the primary user and you are the second user.
I bought one of those 5 subject spiral bound notebooks, and everytime I made a call, I wrote down the details. And that helped me keep track of the practical stuff I was doing during all the emotional confusion.
I'd say take the dog; my little dog has been my pal and companion. Don't ask, just do it. I couldn't take our older dog - he's a barker and I am in an apartment, but my soon-to-be-ex-alcoholic-husband (STBXAH) isn't doing real great on taking care of him.
Good luck, my thoughts are with you.
Post as often as you want; we're all here for you.
BothSidesNow
One thing to think about if you are planning to leave, or even just seriously considering it, is to take all the financial records you may need. Bank accounts, bill paying records, investments, retirement, credit card accounts, all that stuff. Get the names, account numbers, addresses, on-line access with user names and passwords, mailing addresses, customer service numbers and all, birth certificate, marriage license, ownership for the dog, phone numbers for friends, doctors, family, anything and everything you might need.
Take care of your finances, too. Make sure you have a bank account in your name only and deposit enough money to keep you going for a while.
Figure out what you need to do to protect your credit rating. You may want to remove your wife's name as second user on credit cards where you are the primary user, and you may want to remove your name from credit cards where she is the primary user and you are the second user.
I bought one of those 5 subject spiral bound notebooks, and everytime I made a call, I wrote down the details. And that helped me keep track of the practical stuff I was doing during all the emotional confusion.
I'd say take the dog; my little dog has been my pal and companion. Don't ask, just do it. I couldn't take our older dog - he's a barker and I am in an apartment, but my soon-to-be-ex-alcoholic-husband (STBXAH) isn't doing real great on taking care of him.
Good luck, my thoughts are with you.
Post as often as you want; we're all here for you.
BothSidesNow
Lord Have Mercy
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 242
Hello:
Nice of you to post. I moved out and got legally separated from my AW of 17 years in the past 5-10 months.
You ask what was the plan for leaving and how did I execute it. That is an intense question. I let the pain drive me away. I waited until I had clear and irresistible reasons to leave. I waited for the final straw. These things will come and when they do, you will know. Perhaps you are already there. The main thing I learned is that if something is not clear, wait, and eventually it will become clear what you should do. Somehow I have made it this far with zero regrets by following this paradigm.
It is incredible that they will cling to the bottle and keep drinking even when all kinds of disastrous things are falling apart, such as the marriage which they proclaim so profoundly important. Insanity.
You are already following your heart and making plans. Scout things out, get advice from friends and lawyers, paid and unpaid, so you have an idea of your options. Think about what to do, and when, if she continues drinking, or perhaps what you would do if she stops. The main problem I have, is that I instantly forgive her and cheerlead her, and helicopter her recovery -- after her first day or two sober!
I think the smart people her do things like no contact and other strong boundaries like waiting until someone is 6-12 months sober. I haven't been able to detach that much but it does make sense. Otherwise you end up a codependent sucker and they just keep relapsing. That is my experience and it is actually quite ridiculous and embarrassing to keep going back for for more lies, poor decision making, bad judgement, denial, etc.
God bless and good luck ...
Nice of you to post. I moved out and got legally separated from my AW of 17 years in the past 5-10 months.
You ask what was the plan for leaving and how did I execute it. That is an intense question. I let the pain drive me away. I waited until I had clear and irresistible reasons to leave. I waited for the final straw. These things will come and when they do, you will know. Perhaps you are already there. The main thing I learned is that if something is not clear, wait, and eventually it will become clear what you should do. Somehow I have made it this far with zero regrets by following this paradigm.
It is incredible that they will cling to the bottle and keep drinking even when all kinds of disastrous things are falling apart, such as the marriage which they proclaim so profoundly important. Insanity.
You are already following your heart and making plans. Scout things out, get advice from friends and lawyers, paid and unpaid, so you have an idea of your options. Think about what to do, and when, if she continues drinking, or perhaps what you would do if she stops. The main problem I have, is that I instantly forgive her and cheerlead her, and helicopter her recovery -- after her first day or two sober!
I think the smart people her do things like no contact and other strong boundaries like waiting until someone is 6-12 months sober. I haven't been able to detach that much but it does make sense. Otherwise you end up a codependent sucker and they just keep relapsing. That is my experience and it is actually quite ridiculous and embarrassing to keep going back for for more lies, poor decision making, bad judgement, denial, etc.
God bless and good luck ...
Iceberg Ahead!
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Out at Sea
Posts: 1,177
Originally Posted by djayr 
INSANITY * * *
Otherwise you end up a codependent sucker and they just keep relapsing. That is my experience and it is actually quite ridiculous and embarrassing to keep going back for for more lies, poor decision making, bad judgement, denial, etc.
Otherwise you end up a codependent sucker and they just keep relapsing. That is my experience and it is actually quite ridiculous and embarrassing to keep going back for for more lies, poor decision making, bad judgement, denial, etc.
Serenity to you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Portlandia
Posts: 77
It may ebb and flow, too...
"I keep telling myself that any sadness I feel will pass just like others have said here."
Hi - I just left my AH after 15 years of marriage this past weekend, and wanted to say that one of the things that really helped was to FEEL the pain of it (and not dodge it) and knowing that pain passes. In some ways, IMO we are like them in that we have underdeveloped coping skills - the difference is that they turn to drink, and we turn to them.
It is a wonderful thing to break that cycle and learn to be healthy.
I also spent some time reflecting on the reality (that my AH was mean and unreliable when drinking, that I couldn't count on him, that he had no job and I was the sole support, etc etc) versus the ideal that I had in my very unhealthy mind.
I am no expert, but I can definitely say that PEACE is a really good thing to have, and I am so happy to have some now! You can have it, too.
When I left, I took very little (fortunately not too acrimonious b/w us). Material things don't matter to me, and frankly living in a spartan apartment is making me focus on my own self more than I would have...
I DID take both dogs and the cats. AH proved himself unreliable in their care (and he loves those animals), so for their own good and mine, they came with me. The inevitable will happen - an A will spiral downward, so it makes sense to take the vulnerable ones who cannot care for themselves. I imagine your low-rider will do better with you.
Good luck to you.
Hi - I just left my AH after 15 years of marriage this past weekend, and wanted to say that one of the things that really helped was to FEEL the pain of it (and not dodge it) and knowing that pain passes. In some ways, IMO we are like them in that we have underdeveloped coping skills - the difference is that they turn to drink, and we turn to them.
It is a wonderful thing to break that cycle and learn to be healthy.
I also spent some time reflecting on the reality (that my AH was mean and unreliable when drinking, that I couldn't count on him, that he had no job and I was the sole support, etc etc) versus the ideal that I had in my very unhealthy mind.
I am no expert, but I can definitely say that PEACE is a really good thing to have, and I am so happy to have some now! You can have it, too.
When I left, I took very little (fortunately not too acrimonious b/w us). Material things don't matter to me, and frankly living in a spartan apartment is making me focus on my own self more than I would have...
I DID take both dogs and the cats. AH proved himself unreliable in their care (and he loves those animals), so for their own good and mine, they came with me. The inevitable will happen - an A will spiral downward, so it makes sense to take the vulnerable ones who cannot care for themselves. I imagine your low-rider will do better with you.
Good luck to you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: MD
Posts: 59
Well I'm back. Here it is several months since I posted and the same things are happening. There have been some small bits of hope in between but nothing changes if nothing changes.
So I moved my things out of "our" room and followed my gut and called my wife's brother to inform him of what's happening. My wife mentioned suicide again today, while she was drunk, of course and after I threatened to call the police that stopped. She has done this before when she was drunk. I'm planning on finding a place to stay since I really feel like it's time to get out of this. I'm still going to a counselor which has helped immensely. My wife hates the counselor and has even ridiculed me about going to one. I truly believe it's time to leave. I contacted a lawyer months ago and kept the paperwork info just in case. Right now she's passed out in our bed and I'm in the spare bedroom with almost all of my clothes and pictures on the floor. The peace and quiet that I have right now is what it must be like to have a real relationship with people and not be in this alcohol crap. I'll likely be spouting off or just talking in this post to maybe feel a bit better after reading it. As usual, thanks to all.
So I moved my things out of "our" room and followed my gut and called my wife's brother to inform him of what's happening. My wife mentioned suicide again today, while she was drunk, of course and after I threatened to call the police that stopped. She has done this before when she was drunk. I'm planning on finding a place to stay since I really feel like it's time to get out of this. I'm still going to a counselor which has helped immensely. My wife hates the counselor and has even ridiculed me about going to one. I truly believe it's time to leave. I contacted a lawyer months ago and kept the paperwork info just in case. Right now she's passed out in our bed and I'm in the spare bedroom with almost all of my clothes and pictures on the floor. The peace and quiet that I have right now is what it must be like to have a real relationship with people and not be in this alcohol crap. I'll likely be spouting off or just talking in this post to maybe feel a bit better after reading it. As usual, thanks to all.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
The peace and quiet that I have right now is what it must be like to have a real relationship with people and not be in this alcohol crap.
She is the best friend ever. When I open that door, she is looking at me, wagging her tail and her eyes say "I am so glad to see you. Can we take a walk?"
Have you found any Al Anon meetings?
You will get so much support and understanding there. Here in Michigan, men's meetings are popping up all over the place.
I am sorry you had to be back here, but this is the best place to be for online support.
Beth
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 267
I am sorry it isn't working out, Pebbles.
As for leaving, I tend to do what some of the others suggested - wait until I can't deal with it anymore and then it is easy to get out because frankly, I just don't care anymore.
That is basically what I am doing right now. Posting here, going to Al-Anon, reading about codependency to learn why I keep repeating this vicious cycle, and waiting. I believe my ABF is on a path to self-destruction but I am 6 1/2 months pregnant, so waiting to be sure. Waiting to be ready.
My plan is to go to a lawyer and get an eviction notice and a custody order when the time comes. We are not married and the house is mine, so there isn't much he could do, really. We share nothing except the few appliances we bought together. Then, I plan to work out a visitation agreement where he will have to submit to alcohol and marijuana tests to keep his visitation. I hear such things happen in my state (Texas).
I also plan to get a separate bank account and start all of my deposits there so he can't get to my money. But fortunately, that is the sum total of what we share.
So yes, having a detailed plan helps. I hope yours goes smoothly.
Welcome back!
As for leaving, I tend to do what some of the others suggested - wait until I can't deal with it anymore and then it is easy to get out because frankly, I just don't care anymore.
That is basically what I am doing right now. Posting here, going to Al-Anon, reading about codependency to learn why I keep repeating this vicious cycle, and waiting. I believe my ABF is on a path to self-destruction but I am 6 1/2 months pregnant, so waiting to be sure. Waiting to be ready.
My plan is to go to a lawyer and get an eviction notice and a custody order when the time comes. We are not married and the house is mine, so there isn't much he could do, really. We share nothing except the few appliances we bought together. Then, I plan to work out a visitation agreement where he will have to submit to alcohol and marijuana tests to keep his visitation. I hear such things happen in my state (Texas).
I also plan to get a separate bank account and start all of my deposits there so he can't get to my money. But fortunately, that is the sum total of what we share.
So yes, having a detailed plan helps. I hope yours goes smoothly.
Welcome back!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: MD
Posts: 59
Originally Posted by wicked
Yes, it is possible to have that peace and quiet. How is the dachshund? I have one too.
She is the best friend ever. When I open that door, she is looking at me, wagging her tail and her eyes say "I am so glad to see you. Can we take a walk?"
Have you found any Al Anon meetings?
You will get so much support and understanding there. Here in Michigan, men's meetings are popping up all over the place.
I am sorry you had to be back here, but this is the best place to be for online support.
Beth
She is the best friend ever. When I open that door, she is looking at me, wagging her tail and her eyes say "I am so glad to see you. Can we take a walk?"
Have you found any Al Anon meetings?
You will get so much support and understanding there. Here in Michigan, men's meetings are popping up all over the place.
I am sorry you had to be back here, but this is the best place to be for online support.
Beth
Anyway I am at a crossroads to my decision on leaving or not. I moved all of my clothes and pictures into our separate bedroom and I don't know what's next for us. I think of all the things that leaving would free me of, the anxiety that she's drinking when I get home, the disrespectful nature of her towards me at times, the constant negative self talk that she does which almost requires a canned response from me to disagree. I'm scared to leave because she has mentioned suicide before and I do care for her well being. I see my counselor tomorrow so hopefully I can make some sense of all my many bad thoughts towards my wife.
I recently read another members post about how easily he forgave his wife when she was sober the day after and how he was a constant cheerleader whenever she showed signs of doing better. That's pretty much me in a nutshell. I support her and have had small statements that she's made that made me believe that maybe things were going to be different. The problem was it wasn't long lived and I have always been on the sh*t side of that. The possibilities of relapse even if things work out scares me to death. I just don't know if I'm in this for my lifetime. Thanks as usual for letting me talk out loud.
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