Beautifulsoul

I am not an addict, my brother is but I am trying to understand things from an addict's viewpoint. My brother abuses pills to self medicate. How did you get started on your addiction? What does it feel like? Did you do it to self medicate or did it start socially, at a party etc? Anything you want to share would be great. I am willing to learn. Also, what gives you hope and what makes you or has made you want to stop? And one question I have such a hard time with, why is it that relapses are so common?

Sorry for all the questions. I want to understand addiction from an addict's point of view. Also, if you're an addict and are on this site and trying to get help, I want to say that you should be SO PROUD of yourself and I wish you the best of luck! You CAN do this! Keep fighting!

Emma18

I did it to self medicate, and when I finally went on medication to treat severe depression I was already addicted to about three substances. My parents finding out about my addiction and going to NA meetings has given me hope that I can live a better life than I have been.

The relapse question is always hard. In recovery, we put strategies in place so that we should know what to do if a certain situation arises that provokes a trigger, but when new things come up, and addict still wouldn't know how to deal with it. In getting clean we are dealing with years of oppressed emotions and guilt over what we've done. Sometimes it becomes too much to deal with and the cycle starts again

ACT10Npack

OP, check out this article and you can get a better understand about addiction.

BJ Gallagher: Is Everyone Addicted To Something?

discTosser

Thanks for the support and kind words.

I just started in my early/mid teens to feel like someone else. (Even though looking back, that someone else might of felt like a better person, but in fact I was a total idiot)

I'm very new in recovery. But what i'm learning is that recovery is not just about not using/drinking. But about growing as a person and having different coping mechanisms as to how we face life.

I think sometimes the reasons we use are the same that non-addicts have, we just dont have the switch to say "enough".

Threshold

I started to self medicate, knowingly, for anxiety believing it would somehow allow me to be more functional and deal with the challenges in my life.

In other words, I was essentially abusing from the get go. No casual using that crept into addiction.

I was psychologicall "addicted" to the idea that something "out there" could save me from dealing with my insides.

booze and drugs were not my only addiction issues. I had behavioral one's as well...a string of idiot relationships, eating disorders, etc etc. All futile attempts to hide from my terror of life and discomfort with myself.

stairs

I grew up in Party Central. Our house was always full of people, music, drinking, smoking weed, etc.

doggonecarl

I liked the way drugs and alcohol made me feel. I thought I was cool dabbling in drugs. But you don't "dabble" in meth.

As for why relapses occur, there are lots of reasons, but it basically comes down to the person still being in the grip of addiction.

flutter

Personally.. it all came down to not knowing or not learning how else to 'cope' with life. I grew up in an alcoholic home, I'm sure that played a role in some way. I started using drugs and alcohol to 'party', to relax, to feel social.. it became a crutch. Then I would use if I was stressed, upset, happy, bored..it was my life's entire toolbox for 'coping'. Fast forward 20 years and because of that, I never knew what else to do instead. Getting clean and sober is not as much about simply sobering up, but I had to learn how to actually deal with life, I was like a baby not knowing anything. My counselor taught me a lot about how it's "ok" to actually just feel.. feel sadness, anger, happiness, that was new to me. He also taught me new skills to use in place of medicating myself like guided relaxation, meditation, writing/journaling, connecting with nature, helping others, developing new interests, working on loving relationships in my life. That was my experience.

Sapling

Alcohol started out as the solution to all my problems....Then it became the cause of all my problems. For myself....I didn't committ to sobriety until I was beaten so bad that I couldn't take it any more. I was given the gift of desperation. That's a fine line between death and seeking recovery....I was on it. As far as why I relapsed went?...I guess I was only giving it half assed attempts....I wasn't done yet. When I was done....And nobody could tell me that but me...I was done.

IndaMiricale

I actually had some drinks before I ever remember. I have a picture of me on the kitchen table chuggin out of a Stroh's beer can at 4 years old. My grandmother told me they could find me at party's drinking out of the bottom of bottle's where they kept the deposit bottles. It was a different time then, and I grew up in a hippie home..

So drugs were always around me. I first tried pot when I was in 5 th grade. Because friends told me to steal some from my parents and we could try it.

My first drunk was at 8 at a wineary. My parents had a party and on the way back to our boat I was vomitting red stuff. First they freaked then realized I had been sneaking wine..

Heavy drugs such as coke, X, acid started in 9 th grade.

Took till I was 39 to ever be sober in my life..

peprokket

I think addiction is a slow process. For me anyway. One day a beer gave me a buzz and I realized that everything bad went away with that buzz. Next thing I know it takes two to get that same buzz so I drank two. Two turns into six then eight...and wherever that stops. Somewhere in between I started going past the buzz and found that just a little drunk is better than that buzz so I went there. Next thing I knew I was getting so drunk that I didn't remember things. One thing led to another and the next thing I know, I physically need the alcohol to function because my mind and body don't know how to work without it.

Now, the logical half of me says, "Hey, dummy, this isn't good for you, just stop."
But the drinking side says, "You don't have a problem. You just have to cut down a little. If you control how much you drink, you'll be fine."

Relapse for me happens because, at any given time, I will convince myself that I would rather be drunk, feeling no pain, temporarily out of this world. Sober, I am quiet, shy, socially inept, and quite frankly boring. Drunk, I'm a social butterfly, confident and outgoing. It's quite a viscous circle. When it comes to alcohol, the cure is the problem.

Hope this helps.

Michelle76

I was born addicted to drugs & raised in a home with alcoholics, addicts & enablers. That was all I knew. I was abused & neglected & had NO coping skills at all. Drugs & alcohol numbed the pain that I didnt know how to deal with.
I knew I wanted a better life for my children than the one I had. I have worked hard to give them a loving stable home.. Now I am trying to give them something else I never had, a sober parent. Today is my youngest child's 7th birthday & I am excited to celebrate it sober. I had never really tried to quit doing anything before, I just switched what I was taking. So as far as the relapse question, I dont have an answer. I am so sorry that you & your brother are going through this. You are obviously a wonderful sister to search out what your brother is going through. This world of addiction is a scary place to be. My heart & prayers are with you & your brother, may you both find a sense of peace today..

duane1

I am convinced I was born an addict. Of course, it took lots of practice to perfect it. Practice made perfect and here I am.

SoberForMySon

For years I just drank occasionally for fun. Some times more than others, but nothing anyone would consider a problem. It gradually got worse, though, when I started drinking to cope with anxiety and fear after something happened in my life that messed me up. I liked to have a steady buzz, but not got drunk. However, I did occasionally get stupid.

Admiral

I was actually a very straight edge person up until I was eighteen. The people I hung out with drank and smoked pot. It started out with the usual "find a person who is 21 to buy us alcohol" thing, and pot is easy to get at any age, you just have to know people.

I told myself that I would not allow myself to get addicted, I said that I would just try it and that if I ever got cravings I would quit. That's how I thought it was; I thought that addiction was some powerful urge to use that made you out of control and it scared me, I said that if I ever felt that way I would fight it off and it would be gone.

The problem is that NO one understands addiction until it happens to them, and usually it's a problem for years before it becomes apparent. Addiction does not present itself in an obvious way, it's a web of lies that will trick you and continue to try and trick you even after you understand it inside and out.

I never saw myself as a person who "drank their problems away" or "Hid behind the drugs to run away from problems". I saw it as

"It's been a rotten day, I deserve something nice."

"If I drink or smoke I'll be able to look at this problem and just laugh rather than have it bother me"

"Using helps me explore new viewpoints and expand spiritually."

I always saw it as a reward or an aid to help, never as a crutch or something bad. That's how addiction works, it presents itself as a friend, that's why people refuse to think they have a problem, the addictive voice is VERY clever and good at keeping the user going without letting them see the problems it is causing. And if the people around you are using as well, they'll only help to keep that mindset going strong.

The most important thing to realize is that you cannot make them see the problem, that has to happen on it's own. You won't be able to "fix" the addiction for them, they'll likely just become hostile, they have to want to quit, and once they have stepped over that line then you can certainly be there to support them, but you can't make the change happen, that is up to them.

smacked

My parents (biological) were both drug addicts, I was taken from them (as was my twin sister) at 2 years old and placed in foster care. For some reason all of the foster homes that I was in, were full of addicts and acloholics, physical and sexual abusers. I ran away from my last one at the age of 13 and lived on the streets.. I was introduced to heroin and never looked back. I used pretty much anything I could get my hands on, until about for years ago. I've also been diagnosed with a handful of mental health issues as well, so I'm sure that played a part in the addiction piece.

Beautifulsoul

Thank you all for sharing your stories. Reading some of these posts brought tears to my eyes. I am sorry for what you have been through. We all have our battles in life. It inspires me to see that there are people like you out there who choose to get clean one day, no matter how long it takes to get there. One thing to keep in mind is that NOBODY on earth gets through life without hardships. At one point or another we will all be faced with heartbreaking situations. When you are going through hard times remind yourself that you are not alone and seek support. Good luck everyone!!

Sapling

I hope your brother sees the light!

mwstylee

One word for me: college.

Someguy23

Define get started...

I was born in a culture much more tolerant towards children consuming alcohol than N.America is. I guess I was allowed the occasional beer or glass of wine on special occasions starting around the age of 8, and would drink the occasional beer watching a movie or when out with friends starting around 14-15.

I don't know exactly when I crossed the line from use to abuse. I guess it was in undergrad, I developped a soft spot for occasional wild nights out and binge drinking. I went back and forth over that line a few times.

I have no idea when, or to be honest even if, I crossed from abuse to addiction. I think I took a nosedive when I realized that, if my friends weren't up for a night on the town, I could always get drunk by myself and it would even be cheaper (though less fun). Eureka! slurred drunken Archimedes. That's really when I started bingin often enough to show signs of addiction.

As for why, God only knows. I suspect some of it's because being drunk and tweaked gave me a justification to do a lot of things I wouldn't allow myself to do otherwise. It wasn't just that, obviously, it's hard to say. I think the reasons for abuse depend a lot on the substance being abused.

I wish your brother all the best.