Spice Recovery n e one??
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 23
Spice Recovery n e one??
Ok well here this post goes. I apologize if it is disjointed. Alcohol, pot and pills have been my drugs of choice for years. However the alcohol took over my life to such a degree, I'd be in convulsions, and dt's an hour to two hours upon waking if I couldn't get a drink. Well my body absolutely stopped holding it down, cause I almost died twice from two acute pancreatic attacks. Which after the last I now have it chronically. I haven't touched a drink about 8months or more. BUT I didn't know how to be sober and deal with my bi-polar which I know now drugs made worse. While I was drinking heavily, pot would no longer get me high. I found Spice though MUCH to my demise. It took over like a demonic possession. I was able to not drink but for months I'd have to hit the pipe every 15 to 30min. by the end to stay "sane".
I do not know for sure, but the Spice I think messed me up so badly psychologically that it was worse than what the alcohol had done.
It's been over 6months since I've touched the stuff. I had to stay in the psych ward away from the population to come off of it.And when I got out of the ward, the with drawls lasted at least4 weeks on top of that. And that's just the physial. But the mental part, u feel like u will never be smart again. U literally are mentally handi-capped. I have met other people through AA who said the same thing (so I know this is not just my experience), but after about 3months say they have their brain back. People are ending up in psych wards all over the place because of this stuff.
Sorry, I didn't expect this to end in a huge rant and my life story.
I'd like to hear from other people who got into this stuff and how long it took till they no longer had frequent days of brain-fry. I still get the shakes because the manic anxiety is so bad, and I go through days of not being able to make the smallest decision without utter panic or terror. My husband has to help me. I can't even do grocery shopping on some days.
I started taking pills again a few months back because it would help. But I can't take anything I know now. The pills only will help for a few hours if at all.
I'm trying to quit those and be totally sober. BUT MY BRAIN DOESN'T WORK!
I'm not really feeling sorry for myself. I know I did this to myself. But I am frustrated because I want to be good and happy for my family!
I do not know for sure, but the Spice I think messed me up so badly psychologically that it was worse than what the alcohol had done.
It's been over 6months since I've touched the stuff. I had to stay in the psych ward away from the population to come off of it.And when I got out of the ward, the with drawls lasted at least4 weeks on top of that. And that's just the physial. But the mental part, u feel like u will never be smart again. U literally are mentally handi-capped. I have met other people through AA who said the same thing (so I know this is not just my experience), but after about 3months say they have their brain back. People are ending up in psych wards all over the place because of this stuff.
Sorry, I didn't expect this to end in a huge rant and my life story.
I'd like to hear from other people who got into this stuff and how long it took till they no longer had frequent days of brain-fry. I still get the shakes because the manic anxiety is so bad, and I go through days of not being able to make the smallest decision without utter panic or terror. My husband has to help me. I can't even do grocery shopping on some days.
I started taking pills again a few months back because it would help. But I can't take anything I know now. The pills only will help for a few hours if at all.
I'm trying to quit those and be totally sober. BUT MY BRAIN DOESN'T WORK!
I'm not really feeling sorry for myself. I know I did this to myself. But I am frustrated because I want to be good and happy for my family!
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,514
Hi and Welcome,
Are you being treated by a dr for the bipolar disorder and getting some help with that? I hope so. It could be a good idea to talk to your dr about the symptoms you are experiencing.
I'm glad you have decided to live a sober life.
Are you being treated by a dr for the bipolar disorder and getting some help with that? I hope so. It could be a good idea to talk to your dr about the symptoms you are experiencing.
I'm glad you have decided to live a sober life.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 23
In my first two months (I think, time is so warped)...I was determined to not touch any pill, see no psych, cause all my symptoms were a direct result of brain damage done by the drugs.
Then I got pregnant, and was so elated to be pregnant , sober, and have my husband and son in my life again.
Well it has been all down hill from there. the rapid cycling got so bad I agreed to let my mom send me to a psych. I couldn't afford one. I can't work and neither can my husband. We live with family right now.
The psych, tried a combo of meds, including benzos. The anti-psychotics made me so depressed I became more suicidal, and I started taking more benzos then prescribed cause I couldn't tell when to handle my anxiety and when not to. I ended up back in the psych ward because I knew I was going to kill myself the impulses got so strong, and I am pregnant. So I put myself in, again. I've been committed a total of 4 times now. I never thought in sobriety I'd end up there.
I decided to stop all meds because of being pregnant and my mood shifts and manic anxiety were no better. I don't see the psych anymore because even my husband agreed it was making me worse.
However I do know now that I am a type two bipolar with rapid cycling. Meaning I can be high and fine for one part of the day(not euphoric but just "normal" I guess" then in an instant become manic.) The Type 2 means that I never experience mania as in the good kind. But instead it's manic anxiety, depression, and anger.
I have fought the idea I am bi-polar since a teen. Because I never felt like what I would read about it, I never had months of feeling like a super human and happy. I was diagnosed at 16. They put me on paxil, and it made me worse, I od on it trying to kill myself.
I never touched alcohol, or any drug till I was 18. At 18 I found pot and it seemed all my symptoms were cured. I smoked regularly for years until I became pregnant with my first son. After he was born my husband had back surgery and was prescribed heavy doses of painkillers. I worked for the both of us and went to school, during that time I found if I smoked pot I became paranoid. That had never happened before. I became hooked on my husbands painkillers during that time and eventually this led into drinking because they weren't enough, and so on and so forth went my spiral.
After being committed this last time I got so tired of feeling this way that I started taking painkillers again. Now I am trying to not take painkillers, not take meds of any kind, and not smoke cigs. My husband takes painkillers and drinks and smokes. It is very hard for this addict to not take a pill on certain days. And so I do not consider myself sober. But I am trying.
I feel I've completely relapsed, and so I feel scared of myself. I HATE that I've messed up again. Yesterday I couldn't think and felt so unworthy of living or having this baby. Today I am feeling strong and sober, but the demon wants me to be scared of tomorrow.
Then I got pregnant, and was so elated to be pregnant , sober, and have my husband and son in my life again.
Well it has been all down hill from there. the rapid cycling got so bad I agreed to let my mom send me to a psych. I couldn't afford one. I can't work and neither can my husband. We live with family right now.
The psych, tried a combo of meds, including benzos. The anti-psychotics made me so depressed I became more suicidal, and I started taking more benzos then prescribed cause I couldn't tell when to handle my anxiety and when not to. I ended up back in the psych ward because I knew I was going to kill myself the impulses got so strong, and I am pregnant. So I put myself in, again. I've been committed a total of 4 times now. I never thought in sobriety I'd end up there.
I decided to stop all meds because of being pregnant and my mood shifts and manic anxiety were no better. I don't see the psych anymore because even my husband agreed it was making me worse.
However I do know now that I am a type two bipolar with rapid cycling. Meaning I can be high and fine for one part of the day(not euphoric but just "normal" I guess" then in an instant become manic.) The Type 2 means that I never experience mania as in the good kind. But instead it's manic anxiety, depression, and anger.
I have fought the idea I am bi-polar since a teen. Because I never felt like what I would read about it, I never had months of feeling like a super human and happy. I was diagnosed at 16. They put me on paxil, and it made me worse, I od on it trying to kill myself.
I never touched alcohol, or any drug till I was 18. At 18 I found pot and it seemed all my symptoms were cured. I smoked regularly for years until I became pregnant with my first son. After he was born my husband had back surgery and was prescribed heavy doses of painkillers. I worked for the both of us and went to school, during that time I found if I smoked pot I became paranoid. That had never happened before. I became hooked on my husbands painkillers during that time and eventually this led into drinking because they weren't enough, and so on and so forth went my spiral.
After being committed this last time I got so tired of feeling this way that I started taking painkillers again. Now I am trying to not take painkillers, not take meds of any kind, and not smoke cigs. My husband takes painkillers and drinks and smokes. It is very hard for this addict to not take a pill on certain days. And so I do not consider myself sober. But I am trying.
I feel I've completely relapsed, and so I feel scared of myself. I HATE that I've messed up again. Yesterday I couldn't think and felt so unworthy of living or having this baby. Today I am feeling strong and sober, but the demon wants me to be scared of tomorrow.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Sober State
Posts: 1,126
I have no experience w/ spice...I have read other past posts of how awful it is.
You are doing fine. Just focus on right now. Focus on putting one foot in front of the other. Don't worry about tomorrow. All you need to get through is right now.
I had to take it hour by hour, minute by minute at first.
Put a picture of your son in front of you, envision the happy, sober mommy you CAN be.
You're not a bad person. You're a great person who's addicted. You can overcome this. Lots of people here have. All kinds of multiple/ simultaneous addictions.
Just keep reading, reaching out, posting, do WHATEVER you have to to stay clean. I know it seems like an impossibility but the withdrawals/cravings will end.
You are doing fine. Just focus on right now. Focus on putting one foot in front of the other. Don't worry about tomorrow. All you need to get through is right now.
I had to take it hour by hour, minute by minute at first.
Put a picture of your son in front of you, envision the happy, sober mommy you CAN be.
You're not a bad person. You're a great person who's addicted. You can overcome this. Lots of people here have. All kinds of multiple/ simultaneous addictions.
Just keep reading, reaching out, posting, do WHATEVER you have to to stay clean. I know it seems like an impossibility but the withdrawals/cravings will end.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Michigan
Posts: 289
Welcome havfaith! I'm new to SR, but have found that there are a lot of very caring & understanding people on here who have a lot of great advice to offer or have those words of encouragement to help keep your head up. I have to agree with Purple, just take it minute by minute. That's what my day is like today. I have walked, napped, taken a very long shower, cleaned house, & have been reading & posting all day. Anything to keep me from pouring that glass of wine.
Hang in there. You can do this.
Hugs~jaz
Hang in there. You can do this.
Hugs~jaz
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