GettingBy

So, here I am, 9 months removed from my "Former Life." I'm in a much better place... living free and clear of alcoholism, got a new job, am independent. Life is good. But....

There is this dark cloud following me. It's the remnants of my Former Life. The stuff I just ran away from when I walked out the door. Stuff that didn't get dealt with appropriately. And I've spent the last 6 months avoiding it. Not wanting to go back to the "scene of the crime", so to speak, because it just hurt too much.

But I have to deal with it.. it's stuff related to my business. I just stopped working but never really shut things down. I took a job and I moved on. But the powers that be still want quaterly paperwork for the business... and I haven't done a thing.

I know that I have to hike up my big girl pants and face the music... trying to run from it, or avoid it, is never going to make it better. Its just so hard. It sticks it right back in my face... all that I gave up.

I know that if I deal with it and properly close the door... I will feel better.

But I'm scared... and I don't know why. And avoiding it... is making my fear worse.

So, one step at a time - I will face it. I sent an email to my former accountant tonight to ask for his help. I'm embarassed of the mess I created.... I hope he is willing to help me clean it up.

keepingmyjoy1

I am also in upstate NY and years ago I had a similar situation with my business years ago. It is surprisingly easy to get done what you need to do. I avoided as well and dealt with it after it was a mess. I was surprised that it turned out easier than I thought. Feel the fear, and push through it. I am here to tell you that you WILL feel better! Hugs!

Helenlee

I had a similar experience to keepingmyjoy.
I left things in a mess & put my head in the sand when I could no longer face it. I was the sole director of a company essentially run by my former alcoholic husband. He was a bankrupt so couldn't do it himself & I was the puppet - with all the responsibility & accountability
When I did finally start to untangle it I was amazed at how kind people at the other end of the phone were when I told them the truth. I too was very embarrassed & ashamed.
I found a friend who was willing to sit with me while I went through the paperwork & made the calls. He didn't actually do much, but having someone to "hold my hand" made a big difference & gave me the confidence to get it done.
Good luck with what you need to do. You will certainly feel much better when you're on the other side of the mess

dandylion

Gettingby, you are doing just the right thing. Facing it in babysteps. You already did it by sending the e-mail to the accountant. That babystep really is a big step!! LOL.

I have done the same thing---I'll bet most on this board have. I have found that that first baby step is the biggest hurdle when I have been procrastinating---then it starts to get better.

Well done, Gettingby!!!

dandylion

GettingBy

Hitting the thanks button doesn't seem to be enough! Thank you ladies for sharing your stories. The letters that have started coming in from the state just freak me out. I wanted to pick up the 500# phone to call and explain the situation... but I was paralyzed by fear.

I was awake all night last night... tossing and turning. Today's the day... I start making the phone calls and dig out of the mess.

Thank you!!!

Learn2Live

One day at a time. Please fight the feelings of shame, they are harmful. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You are human. We all are. We do the best we can with what we have to work with at the time. That is where you are now. Baby steps, yes. I am just now digging myself out of months of misery and non-action. I dusted my desk today, what an accomplishment. I emptied the dishwasher yesterday, and scrubbed my sink. I vacuumed the floors downstairs last night. Little, teeny baby steps. Soon I hope to find a little bit of joy.

Tuffgirl

You may be surprised at how easy this is to fix once you make yourself do it.

Prayers for strength to you today!
~T

bonami

I understand what you mean. I am the queen of avoidance. I sometimes just think if I don't do anything, the problem will go away by itself. Unfortunately that doesn't always work. Congrats to you on taking that first, hardest, scariest step!!! It will get easier from here. And calling a professional is a great idea, sometimes it is better to let them use their expertise to help you with problems like this. I used to work for an accounting firm and those letters look very scary, but accountants know how to talk to government bureaucrats and auditors and make this stuff go away (or at least easier on you.). Good luck to you!

FireSprite

Oh man, I know this head-in-the-sand syndrome well. I definitely shut down for a while & let all of my responsibilities pile up.... and I hated that merry-go-round of stressing over needing to do it, not wanting to/able to find the desire to do it, ignoring it, then stressing 10x more because it wasn't done. Sooo many sleepless nights or early morning waking.

Once I got everything major caught up (like you, I was skipping those business quarterlies, etc.) I was floored at how much energy I freed up simply by not having that that anxiety consuming my every moment. (((BIG HUGS)))

BlueSkies1

You STOLE MY STORY!

haha..it's a line from a Stephen King movie--secret window with beautiful pretty depp.

You are all talking about the paralyzing fear I have to action. I now know I am not alone.
I got myself into quite a pickle obsessing over xah, and refusing to take care of my own business.
I haven't dug out yet either. Tick tock..tick tock...the powers that be will not wait for me.
I have a plan at least, if not yet implemented, but I do intend to start my plan soon--not because I have overcome my frozen paralysis, but that acting soon makes logical and the best financial sense, and that my silly mind does understand.
How is it that we can be so proud of some abilities we have, and yet sometimes are fearful to do those same abilities?

SoaringSpirits

I pretty much did the same thing and did not to a proper job of shutting down my small business after AH and I separated 15 months ago. Finally early this month I was forced to (funny how phone calls from the state franchise tax board get you motivated). Had been delaying the final steps of closing things down and once I got off my butt and did them, it was not a big deal.

It was not lost on me that there were more than a few parallels between my business ending and my marriage ending. Keeping my head in the sand, living in denial, doing things halfway, not dealing with things straight on, not wanting to just deal with the truth. Not taking the steps to help me feel peaceful inside. Interesting!