albeitslowly

I just hit 90 days and I have begun realizing, during some recent stressful events, that I am experiencing PAWS.

Severe depression, mood swings, irritability, inability to concentrate/memory problems, overreacting emotionally and then feeling numbness afterward for extended periods of time. I'm isolating myself and pushing everyone away, my self-esteem is at an all time low. Sometimes I wish I just wouldn't wake up anymore.

When there's not much stress I'm able to feel like I can function but as soon as something happens it's like I lose it. I feel like I'm going crazy!

I didn't think you could experience PAWS while on ORT (opiate replacement therapy). I'm on subutex and have been for 90 days now, on a stable dose.

Does anybody else have any experience with this (either while in treatment or being totally abstinent)? I don't know what to do and I don't know how much longer I can take this.

Thank you.

24hrsatatime

PAWS is a largely psycological phenomenon and as such it can still happen while taking maintenance medications. We work on coping skills by reaching out and using sites like these and real world groups etc. It sounds like it's time for you to begin to look to start a strong support network. Life happens whether we're using, in maintenance treatment, or abstaining. In my experience now is when getting into 12step groups or therapy will start to help you learn to cope with life. Suboxone isn't the answer to all of the problems of addiction. You need to do more than just take it. It relieves the physical part and you have to get to work on you. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I speak from my experience and suboxone didn't help me with my emotional stuff, but NA and the 12 steps have and are. That's what teaches us to live without using.

24hrsatatime

albeitslowly, I also meant to say in my post that what you're experiencing may not be PAWS at all. It may simply be the awakening of emotions and feelings you have numbed for a long time. While it may be a type of PAWS, it is very common for people to begin to feel anxiety, depression, and all of the other symptoms you mentioned as our brains begin to reawaken. Chances are that a lot of these things are the things that led you to use in the first place, as most of us use to self medicate for things that we can't handle along with pain. Whether it's PAWS or simply your emotions reappearing, the support that I mentioned above will help. I also wanted to say that your drug use could have masked legitimate mental illnesses as well so you may want to consider having a mental health evaluation just to be on the safe side, and as always be sure to share these symptoms with your treatment provider as they can direct you to resources in your community to help with mental health and other issues. There is also some good activities regarding improving interpersonal relationships, dealing with emotions in healthy ways, and developing coping skills at suboxone.com. The site has a program for suboxone patients called HereToHelp and it really does have some good information to help you in your recovery.

albeitslowly

Thank you for your thoughtful reply 24hrsatatime.

I appreciate the information. I haven't been working on myself the way I should have, and I've been avoiding the support network that meetings will provide me in recovery.

You provided me with a lot of very useful and enlightening suggestions and ideas and I appreciate it very much!

It's hard for me to look at the long term because it feels so hard to just get through each day right now. Suboxone has helped me so much but I have to be willing to do the rest of the work because it will not do it for me. You are so right.