jayjay30

well this is my first post here, i had to do something! as i have no support or anyone that understands about what i am doing.
i am 4 weeks straight and sober tomorro great and i am pleased with myself but man my emotions are getting in the way big time !!
the girls i was friends with are being so mean to me and now my children probably not that mean but i cried all morning this morning and could not get the situation out of my head or how to deal with it.
i feel like i am going mad!!! which sux cause i thought i would feel good right??
i get angry, then feel guilty for getting angry, then cry then doubt myself, then hate myself then dont even know who i am when i look in the mirror then i cry again its awful!!
and i have no one to talk to anyone about it.
sometimes as much as i know it takes everything from my life i just think god it so much easier to medcate with drugs and alcohol than feel like this . . . . . . . . . i wish this was easier

Intheblackhole

Welcome and congrats on being 4 weeks sober! I myself am 1 week sober! I completely understand what your talking about, my emotions have been up and down as well. I know all too well the feelings of doubt, anger, guilt, as I myself am in that stage. We have to remember the reasons we quit in the first place, we have to encourage ourselves every minute, especially when the stress makes the cravings hit hard! Have you tried taking up a new hobby? Drawing helps me, even though I'm not good at it! Playing with my kids has kept me busy and my mind busy as well.. Still it's hard. I myself have doubts, can I really do this now that the kids go back to school? But we have to turn those doubts off, we have to be strong! You've made it 4 months so don't give in! I'm here as well as SR to give you support! Don't give up!

jayjay30

its so nice to know i am not alone especially because the girls i have pulled away from are just freaking on me cutting me off facebook, being rude and all sorts of other crap!!

i am fine until i am alone, with my mind and my emotions :/
i have taken up or more so thrown myself into painting so was iteresting to hear you are drawing thats so cool!

today however it was a matter of finding something else to help emotionally as the feelings were so bad i didnt even want to paint. . . . or eat. . . or be outside!! :/

not doing it for me is easy i wish dealing with it was as easy lol !!

bigguyslimm

Hey great job on the first month. Please what ever you do stick with it. I quit 14 months ago. The best thing I've ever done. I was a heavy vodka drinker. I related to your post when I read it. There are so many emotions and things happening after you get clean. Things will get better, but they take time. I still have up's and down's but there getting way better these days. I was pretty bad the 1st 3 months and then went back and forth with all the depression, anxiety and just getting use to life sober. Stick with it and stay strong.

jayjay30

thanks biguy!!

i am so committed so fingers crossed this time xx i think i am on my 12th attempt but something feels so different this time maybe the fear of loosing my husband and kids which after everything are about all i have left

15 years of drug and alcohol abuse i understand thats not all going to go away today but man it would be nice.

i think the hardest part is i dont even feel proud of myself for doing this 4 weeks, i am kind of like you cant be proud you put yourself here and you dont deserve to be any of those good feeliings, giving up and feeling **** is my karma? :/

i hate that.

my drug councellor said i need to do positive affirmations in the mirror to myself but i dont believe myself????

i know i need to do something about my patients and temper as thats usually what sparks off other emotions so any advice with that would be graet

thanks guys i appreciate you words alot!! xx

Intheblackhole

I myself have a hard time with patience and anger, and your right, it does trigger the other emotions! I've locked myself in my room for quick 5 min time-outs several times in the past couple days! Maybe your husband can watch the kids so you can get out and take a walk? Sometimes the silence and fresh air can really help.. Also maybe making a list, one side put where you was a month ago, your health,feelings, and the other side what you have accomplished since then?! Seeing the positive on paper might make you feel better about yourself?!

duane1

Do you exercise? That and eating healthy really helped me pull myself out of my post alcohol funk. It gave me self esteem and allowed me to see measurable gains of how my health was improving. It also rid me of depression.

surviver

I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.I USED TO USE COCAINE ALMOST EVERYDAY FOR ALMOST 8YEARS.I USED TO QUIT FOR 2 OR 3 WEEKS AND START RIGHT BACK. I LOST MY WIFE AND KIDS CAUSE OF MY ADDICTION TO ALCOHOL AND COCAINE.I'M NOT GONNA LIE I FELT LIKE DYING.EVENTUALLY I DECIDED NOT TO LET COKE CONTROL ME. I ALREADY HAVE 5 YEARS WITHOUT USING COCAINE.I STARTED BY STOPPING MY ALCOHOL USE BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT ALWAYS LED ME TO USE COKE. I STILL HAVE A COUPLE OF DRINKS ON THE WEEKENDS BUT NOT LIKE BEFORE. I USED TO BE A VACUME LOL. PLUS YOU GOTTA TRY TO STAY AWAY FROM FRIENDS WHO USE.I RAN INTO A FRIEND OF MINES WHO STILL USES. HE COULD TELL THE DIFFERENCE IN MY PHYSICAL THAT I WAS TOTTALY CLEAN.HE OFFERED ME SOME COKE AND I DIDN'T EVEN HESITATE TO TURN HIM DOWN AND TELL HIM THAT IT WAS GOOD SEEING HIM. I LEFT AND FELT SO GREAT THAT I FINALLY GOT CONTROL OF MY LIFE AGAIN AND VOWED NEVER TO LOSE IT. I BECAME A ROLE MODEL FOR PEOPLE WHO KNEW ME FROM USING. SOME QUIT SOME DIDN'T. I DID HAVE FUN THOSE DAYS, BUT ALSO ALOT OF MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL SUFFERING SPECIALLY WHEN I LOST MY FAMILY. NOW I STILL HAVE FUN COKE FREE. I ENJOY THINGS MORE LIKE BEING WITH MY DAUGHTERS IN THE WEEKENDS,I SOCIALIZE WITH PEOPLE MORE. WHEN I WAS ON COKE I COULDN'T EVEN LOOK PEOPLE IN THE FACE. ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS RIDE AROUND DRINKING AND SNIFFING COKE, THEY USED HAVE BETTER COKE THOSE TIMES THEN TOWARDS THE END THE COKE WAS GARBAGE. PLUS NOW I GOT MONEY HANGING AROUND EVERYWHERE LOL. BEFORE I WOULD BE BROKE THE NEXT DAY PISSED OFF CAUSE I HAD NO MONEY FOR THE NEXT HIT. .SORRY FOR THE LONG POST FRIEND, HOPE THIS HELPS, ITS ALL IN YOUR MIND, PS I USED TO SMOKE MARIJUANa too along with the other stuff .....