Jur123

I read a book about ACOAs which says that some children mimic addict's behaviour even then they don't drink /are not drunk. I can see it in my sister which is so frustrating. She is mean to me the same way our mother was. Can anybody relate?

Plath

I can totally relate to that.
My mother is not an alcoholic, but her father was. She married an alcoholic, and she was as mean and unpredictable as her father. So, basically, my mother was an ACA who did not become an alcoholic, but exhibited all of the behaviors of the alcoholic parent.

As I grew older, I became an addict and exhibited some of those behaviors. Selfishness, the need to control everyone around me, etc.

So the alcoholism seems to have skipped a generation, but the behavior has persisted. I always feel a tug of war with the need to be a "people pleaser" and the urge to become very defensive (and often either very nasty or passive aggressive) when I somehow feel that I have failed in my people pleasing attempts.

Well, I'm just now waking up with my coffee, so I hope I've typed something sensible and somewhat helpful. But yes, I can definitely relate.

NWGRITS

That's been me in a nutshell. I did a brief dance with binge drinking at 21, but stopped when I got pregnant with my son (not planned). Haven't had a desire to drink since then. I developed most of the traits that I despised most in my mother: selfishness, laziness, lack of responsibility for my actions, and the need to control the people and things around me. I became very co-dependent with men, and have never had an interest in interacting with my own gender. I have always had a distrust and dislike of other women. My mother has been an alcoholic for 40 years. I'm 29 now, do you can do the math. I'm just now really starting to identify those traits in myself and try to reverse the damage I've done to others and stop doing any more damage to anyone else. It's a learning process, and it's not easy.

Kialua

Yes, two of my sisters both have "sided" with my abusive alcoholic father, deceased. One says it was my fault for not being smart enough to get away with not getting hit and the other one says it never happened. This is not an easy disease, and it messes up families in so many ways. Now that you know, it can be more easily dealt with. Good luck.

Oh and by the way they are both terribly wrong. My 3 other sibling and I were beat mercilessly by a drunken father for no reason, even waking us up to be beat. They are both estranged from the family by their own choice and don't even get along with each other. Sad.