aworkinprogress

I started CODA a year ago after a short relationship with an addict (clean 5 yrs). He seemed so honest when I met him but Very needy. He needed to be together every night (from day one) and there was a lot of pressure when I tried to have alone time. He had just been in our country 1 yr and knew no one, barely spoke English....blah blah blah...

3 months in, I became aware of how unavailable he actually was even though he was there all the time and took 1-2 weeks off for some me time to think. We got back together for a few days and I found he'd cheated in that time. (he couldn't be alone and the writing was on the wall for that everywhere, inspite of being clean he was a liar)

I walked away - no contact and started coda (realizing I HAVE these 'patterns' and HAVE to change).

Mutual friend today informed me he is now married. (It has been just over a year)

Having focused on only coda for a year (not dating) - this seems shocking and insane to me. But I find myself doubting ME? Thinking he's the normal one and found someone to love and I'm screwing still being alone when so many are coupled.

I believe after a few meetings I will see more straight but this is my upside down state today. Thankfully, it wasn't a major relationship so not really upset but very preoccupied with a sense of 'measuring' his 'success' agains mine. I have spent a year in meetings getting honest and clear and learning that real intimacy is about trust and takes time. So marriage in a year seems to blind side me. Particularly when ONE year ago, his excuse about cheating on me just before moving in with me was because he realized he was only in the country temporarily - not looking for a commitment - and wanted to just enjoy his 3 yr vacation in the u.s.

THOUGHTS?