Day 14. Guess its time to talk.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: AL
Posts: 48
Day 14. Guess its time to talk.
Well here I am on day 14, a major psycological day for me......
I'm 42 years old. Started drinking as an early teen, 14. By the time I graduated it was nothing for me to drink a fifth a day. At that point it never dawned on me that it wasn't normal. I surrounded myself with people that did the same, my parents and relatives were always partying... It was normal...
In 88 I joined the military. Got thru training and got to my first assignment. Guess what, most of the people I was stationed with liked to party too... It was normal...
I met a woman, got married, had a couple kids. My kids became my world. I "calmed it down", stopped drinking hard liquor and switched to beer... It was the right thing to do.
17 years I pressed on. Supported my family. Was a good father. Advanced in my career. Everything was going good (in my mind) but the beer was always there. This is normal. This is what life is....
But was it? Thats how I saw it at least.
In reality, I was miserable. The facts are:
In highschool, I drank and so did my friends. But I didnt drink the same way. I drank more than everyone, always..
Got thru training and got in the dorms. I drank and so did my friends. Bit I didn't drink the same way. I drank more than everyone, always.
I met a woman... at a party. We dated for a while before she got pregnant. We got married... It was the right thing to do, so I believed. 4 years later my son was born.
My kids were truly my life. I loved them more than I ever thought was possible.
In 2008 my wife (also an addict) just disappeared. Left me with both kids, the house, bills, and was gone. I was devistated.
I pressed on, went through with the divorce..etc... Worked, cooked, cleaned, ran the kids to band or football. After some time had passed I came to realize that all those years that I was miserable and thought thats just the way life was, maybe I was wrong. I keep saying my kids were everything to me. Well I discovered that they were all I had. 17 years in a loveless marriage, so I devoted my life to them.
Then it happened. Oct 2008 I met a woman. An accomplished woman. Not an addict. Loves life. Loves family. Loves me.. And I love her... She showed me that what I've been doing for so long is not what life has to be....
My drinking hadn't been a problem. I would come home have a beer, 2, 3 and that would be it. But in the last few months those 2 or three beers have morphed into 3 or 4, then 5 or 6...etc... Once again though in my mind this was normal, thats what people do.... Then one night I drank way too much. We had a pretty significant fight. The next morning she didn't leave, she didn't demorolize me, or belittle me. She talked to me. She is the first person to tell me that this wasnt normal and that I have a problem... And after a little soul searching, I see it. Clear as day...
I know this is progressive. I know it will get worst. I know I'm not going to allow that to happen. I love her too much for that. I love my family too much for that....
So here I am. Day 14. In 20 + years and numberous attempts, I have never made it past today. Now is different. Why? Because I never truly wanted to and because I never had such a great reason too...
I hope that was coherent. I didn't mean to babble. This is the first time I have ever opened up (except to my wife). I'm sitting here in tears which for me is unheard of. I'm a "mans man", show no emotion, strong like bull. But you know what, they're tears of happieness. I actually do have emotions....
Thanks for listening
I'm 42 years old. Started drinking as an early teen, 14. By the time I graduated it was nothing for me to drink a fifth a day. At that point it never dawned on me that it wasn't normal. I surrounded myself with people that did the same, my parents and relatives were always partying... It was normal...
In 88 I joined the military. Got thru training and got to my first assignment. Guess what, most of the people I was stationed with liked to party too... It was normal...
I met a woman, got married, had a couple kids. My kids became my world. I "calmed it down", stopped drinking hard liquor and switched to beer... It was the right thing to do.
17 years I pressed on. Supported my family. Was a good father. Advanced in my career. Everything was going good (in my mind) but the beer was always there. This is normal. This is what life is....
But was it? Thats how I saw it at least.
In reality, I was miserable. The facts are:
In highschool, I drank and so did my friends. But I didnt drink the same way. I drank more than everyone, always..
Got thru training and got in the dorms. I drank and so did my friends. Bit I didn't drink the same way. I drank more than everyone, always.
I met a woman... at a party. We dated for a while before she got pregnant. We got married... It was the right thing to do, so I believed. 4 years later my son was born.
My kids were truly my life. I loved them more than I ever thought was possible.
In 2008 my wife (also an addict) just disappeared. Left me with both kids, the house, bills, and was gone. I was devistated.
I pressed on, went through with the divorce..etc... Worked, cooked, cleaned, ran the kids to band or football. After some time had passed I came to realize that all those years that I was miserable and thought thats just the way life was, maybe I was wrong. I keep saying my kids were everything to me. Well I discovered that they were all I had. 17 years in a loveless marriage, so I devoted my life to them.
Then it happened. Oct 2008 I met a woman. An accomplished woman. Not an addict. Loves life. Loves family. Loves me.. And I love her... She showed me that what I've been doing for so long is not what life has to be....
My drinking hadn't been a problem. I would come home have a beer, 2, 3 and that would be it. But in the last few months those 2 or three beers have morphed into 3 or 4, then 5 or 6...etc... Once again though in my mind this was normal, thats what people do.... Then one night I drank way too much. We had a pretty significant fight. The next morning she didn't leave, she didn't demorolize me, or belittle me. She talked to me. She is the first person to tell me that this wasnt normal and that I have a problem... And after a little soul searching, I see it. Clear as day...
I know this is progressive. I know it will get worst. I know I'm not going to allow that to happen. I love her too much for that. I love my family too much for that....
So here I am. Day 14. In 20 + years and numberous attempts, I have never made it past today. Now is different. Why? Because I never truly wanted to and because I never had such a great reason too...
I hope that was coherent. I didn't mean to babble. This is the first time I have ever opened up (except to my wife). I'm sitting here in tears which for me is unheard of. I'm a "mans man", show no emotion, strong like bull. But you know what, they're tears of happieness. I actually do have emotions....
Thanks for listening
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: AL
Posts: 48
Originally Posted by dgillz 
Congrats on 14 days. I think crying takes more of a "man's man" than you realize. We are just SO conditioned not to do this. Keep posting and keep up the sobriety.
Oh yeah, and ROLL TIDE!!!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 35,731
Welcome to SR raf!! Congratulations on 2 weeks. Thank you for sharing your story with us. I think you're quite the "mans man" to recognize whats important in your life and act on it!
Best Wishes To You!
Thank you for sharing your story with us. I think you're quite the "mans man" to recognize whats important in your life and act on it!Best Wishes To You!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Austin, Texas
Posts: 1,387
raf,
welcome to SR! You sound like a great guy that got caught up in some unfortunate circumstances, but made the best of them. Now your good karma has rewarded you with a great woman! Don't blow it with alcohol!
welcome to SR! You sound like a great guy that got caught up in some unfortunate circumstances, but made the best of them. Now your good karma has rewarded you with a great woman! Don't blow it with alcohol!
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Raf,
Welcome. Glad you gained the strength with a little help to question your premises. I had to as well, the same ones. We all did here. Some never do, and die, missing what is right in front of them the whole time. Our happiness begets more, draws it to us.
Welcome. Glad you gained the strength with a little help to question your premises. I had to as well, the same ones. We all did here. Some never do, and die, missing what is right in front of them the whole time. Our happiness begets more, draws it to us.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Bridgeton
Posts: 718
That was 'real' & it was beautiful Raf! You crossed one barrier and you can continue to cross them 'one day at a time'....are you doing AA as part of your sober plan? Congratz & may you continue forward!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
Originally Posted by raf
Thanks, I know you're right...
Oh yeah, and ROLL TIDE!!!!
Oh yeah, and ROLL TIDE!!!!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
That was lovely, raf. I'm glad you've allowed yourself to cry those cleansing tears. I'm sure you're relieved to finally be seeing what needs to happen. I'm glad you wanted to share this with us! It's so helpful and inspiring for many. Things will keep getting better for you.
Resident Alien
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 198
Originally Posted by dgillz
Roll Tide back at ya! Ready for the first kickoff.
"Roll Tide" made me snicker. It must be wonderful to look forward to SEC Football, instead of just watching an entertaining disaster that bridges the gap between baseball & basketball season. GO CATS!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 526
that's a great story.
interesting how many of us know that "we" drank more than our friends or those around us. "i" always had to be the one who would outdrink everyone.
congrats on the 2 weeks milestone!
sounds like you have an amazing person in your life, who understands you. and you have done the right thing, by admitting to the problem and working on it. it takes guts.
life is better without booze. there is no question about it.
be sure to find ways to keep your life fulfilling without resolving to drinking, find tools to keep you sober.
you can do it!
interesting how many of us know that "we" drank more than our friends or those around us. "i" always had to be the one who would outdrink everyone.
congrats on the 2 weeks milestone!
sounds like you have an amazing person in your life, who understands you. and you have done the right thing, by admitting to the problem and working on it. it takes guts.
life is better without booze. there is no question about it.
be sure to find ways to keep your life fulfilling without resolving to drinking, find tools to keep you sober.
you can do it!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Hello raf:
You made a lot of sense. Sounds like you are on your way.
I don't know how you intend to get/stay sober, what your plan is, but I wish you the best.
Bob R
You made a lot of sense. Sounds like you are on your way.
I don't know how you intend to get/stay sober, what your plan is, but I wish you the best.
Bob R
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: AL
Posts: 48
Originally Posted by dgillz
Roll Tide back at ya! Ready for the first kickoff. Where are you roughly? I didn't even notice you were from AL.
Thanks everyone...
D... I'm near Prattville. If you every get up this way give a shout, the......... Sodas....... On me!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
Originally Posted by raf
Thanks everyone...
D... I'm near Prattville. If you every get up this way give a shout, the......... Sodas....... On me!
D... I'm near Prattville. If you every get up this way give a shout, the......... Sodas....... On me!
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