Kindeyes

One of the things that has confounded me is one line that we read over and over and over again in the 12 Traditions of Nar-Anon:

Understanding the addict

I kept thinking that I had to have contact with the addict in order to understand him. I thought that only the addict could help me understand who he is and why he's doing what he's doing........But he can't. So I kept trying to figure out how I could employ this principle of "understanding the addict" when addiction is impossible to understand.

I figured out a way to understand the addict without the addict's participation. I went online and found the Basic Text of NA and began reading it. In those pages I am finding understanding. Not excuses. Not exactly explanations but a better understanding of addiction and what drives addiction.

I thought that "understanding the addict" came only through discussion WITH the addict. The pages of this book have been enlightening for me so I thought I would share it here.

http://www.naalamedacounty.org/eleme...WS_%20Inc_.pdf

Take what you need.....and leave the rest.

gentle hugs
ke

Ilovemysonjj

Thank you KE, I have never read the NA book, I will now.
TT

outtolunch

Looking back, all I did was make excuses for my daughter's addiction.

tjp613

Thank you KE! I've read The Big Book of AA a couple of times but never bothered with the NA text because I assumed they were basically similar. Wow, just reading the first few pages I can see that I was way wrong! This will be helpful

YouWillBe

Wow. Thanks for posting this.

To your point about feeling we need to be around them to understand them...for a parent I think (in my own situation, at least) that my love for my daughter blinds me to things when I am around her. I am so desperate for her to be better that I can't step back, objectively, and see her for what she is - an addict. I see the toddler...the little girl who used to be. Someone helpless. That perception overrides everything else, and in my mom-heart I have the uncontrollable urge to fix. Understanding it is the last thing on my mind, unfortunately.

Reading those statements - it's all very familiar and I know it's true. Looking from afar I relate her situation to every paragraph of that first chapter and I DO understand her mind-set better after digesting it.

GardenMama

KE, I really appreciate this post, and immediately read pages and pages of the NA book...YouWillBe said everything I was thinking. We have to cultivate a loving distance from the precocious sweet toddler to the heroin addict--what a challenge. But this helps immensely. Thanks again for your insights and the time you take to share them with all of us.

Ann

Thank you for sharing that here, Kindeyes. I have a copy of the Big Book of AA as well as the NA Text, they both helped me understand addiction and also helped me with my own issues when I worked my own program of recovery.

Hugs

sojourner

Funny how some phrases are hooks for me. "Understanding the ______" is one of them. I remember when I was married to an addict who would say, "You don't understand me or my situation." Something deep inside would make me start doubting myself and my course of action. Something deep inside me gave the message that I was cold, heartless, the opposite of a nurturer. Maybe it's a female DNA thing.

Anyway, the good thing is that somewhere along the way I learned that to understand my AS, I had to get that info from somewhere else. Then, with my more-correct knowledge, I could turn around, face my son, and know the better response toward him.

Thanks for the post. Now I want to get ahold of that book.