babyblueeyes39

So I started posting in this forum the last week of june. So much has happened since then. I started taking the meds again, my father in law passed away, and my husband found out he has a spin cord injury which he will have to have extensive surgert for on the 8th of august. Anyways I'm back because I'm starting this vicious cycle all over again. If I had only stuck with sobriety. I told myself I needed the lortabs to make it past all the stress that piled up. I did let my doc know I had a problem. They suggested tapering and I said no. I would rather do this CT. I've been reading on here everday and just got the courage to post again. I felt ashamed because everyone gaved me such kind words. I quickly realized I need the support. I haven't taken as much this time, but I still took it. I hope to talk with of you guys soon, I get so much out of this forum.

amy55

Hi there, welcome back.

amy55

Sorry here, I am an RA,don't know much about drugs but if you just want to talk, I am here for you.

AB1111

Screw guilt and shame! Welcome back! Stay

CarolD

Welcome back..

Prayers going out that both you and your husband soon find healing.

babyblueeyes39

Thank you guys. I'm gonna try my best to fight this disease.

Captain1

Sorry to here about the mistake but thats all it is. Move forward move on with your sobriety. You know it sucks but ct sometimes gets the inevitable over faster. I wish you got luck!

babyblueeyes39

So today really sux. I guess anyone that has been through it knows. I have a terrible headache and yawning every few minutes . I'm hoping this is over for the most part by next Wednesday. I stay so lonely through the WD. I feel noone here can understand. I thank everyone for replying. You guys are my inspiration.

finaltime

a lot of us have been exactly where you are at today. Shoot, if I would've stayed off the pills I would almost be 4 years clean, instead I have almost 6 months. It take some people forever to get off, and some people never do. Just do what I do, and tell yourself to take the time you need, feel the pain, because this is the LAST AND FINAL TIME. Try to journal, take baths, masterbate, walk, drink water, drink gatorade, cry, cry more, watch movies, call someone who makes you feel okay. You can do this if you are willing to fight the fight. Do not feel ashamed, feel proud that are quitting.

frankinnc

Hi. As addicts we'll often tell ourselves anything to justify using: "One last time", "I'm just so stressed out", etc., etc. Don't sweat it, slips and relapses in early recovery are a common occurrence, no reason to beat yourself up. It's okay so as long as we learn from it. Maybe a support group (NA or something) would help. Good luck. Peace.

babyblueeyes39

Hey guys thanks for the replies. I really look forward to reading them. I'm doing so so. My body hurts along with yawning and sneezing. I am hungry despite the WD. I'm very irritated and my head still hurts. I'm hoping if I keep myself busy, I can get through this. Seems I'm taking everything to heart right now. I'm gonna keep fighting, as I tell myself this is the last time.

georgiagirl5

Hey there, I have about three weeks off Lortab/Norco. I am glad you are back. I will help you if I can. I have found that guilt and shame get me absolutely no where except back to the pill bottle. They are just emotions that don't move you forward. Will be thinking of you and hope you are feeling better.

babyblueeyes39

Hi georgiagirl, thanx for your post. No I'm not feeling better but that is to be expected I guess. I'm. Miserable and just want to sleep, but of course I can't. I just feel like screaming! Of course I can't do that either it would scare the children. I feel like I'm fighting myself. I hope I can make it through ok. I know many people have did this before. Its also storming here so the old bones are aching. I will survive.

likehappiness

Glad to see you here. I have been where you are....stick it out and don't beat yourself up about relapsing. The past is done. Focus on staying positive and moving forward sober and clean. It must not have taken you long to realize you didn't want to go back there and to feel crappy when using. Keep that in mind and remember to tell yourself...it didn't work out before and it won't work out again...no drugs for me!

Stay strong...plenty of fluids and hot showers.

babyblueeyes39

today is day 2. Overall I have good spirit. I've taken ibuprofen and B12. It seems to be helping. I've been doing housework to keep myself busy. I have so much to do before my husband has surgery. It would be so easy to take a pill to get me through, but I stay dermined. The WDs have so far been manageable. I did sleep good last night with the help of valarium root. I don't plan on taking that after I'm finished with the toughest part. I guess its been mostly mental so far. Its been a on again off again love affair with the drug. I feel empty and sad when its gone, it lies to me and makes me think I need it, aand when its good to me its really good. I know life without it will be better, but there's always that little voice saying come back. The only thing that is getting me by as of now is I have cut my supply off. I know I will have to face being tempted soon and I have every intention of being strong. The support from this forum gives me the drive to want sobriety. Thanx to everyone reading and offering support. One day at a time.

georgiagirl5

Still thinking of ya, glad to hear you are feeling somewhat better. It takes a little while. It is worth it tough. Hang in there!

babyblueeyes39

Ok so I just need to vent. I thought my husbands prescription for pain meds was gone.he has had it for a couple of months, I would have taken in in a week. He comes in the house and offers me one stating he don't like seeing me suffer. My ankle has been killing me the. Past two days from breaking it and having surgery like 8 months ago. I told him I couldn't take any because it would ruin trying to get sober. I started crying and now he feels terrible. Gosh now I'm second guessing myself on my decision. I guess cause I know he has some. I really want to stay sober and not relapse. He has spinal fusion wed. So I know he needs them occasionaly. Any advice on what to do?????? I really need it right now.

georgiagirl5

I know exactly how you feel. I know your husband does not want to see you suffer. I think about that too...in my case, I know God does not want me to suffer and opiates relieve my depression. However, in the long run, I will suffer much, much more with addiction if I give in to just "one last time." I am not sure if that helps, but I totally understand how you feel. It may relieve your suffering in the (very) short term but I have a feeling for both of us we will suffer much, much more in the long run if we keep going. For instance, my aunt is dead after a 10 year battle with Percocet. I really did not pay a ton of attention to what was going on with her during those 10 years, because she lived far away and I was not doing opiates and did not understand. But according to my uncle it was 10 years of hell that ended with him leaving her and eventually her death at 48 related to Percocet. I have to think that she thought many times that "this was the last time" or "I just cannot live without these." But now she has a fourteen year old son with no mom due to that drug. And he is having a hard time. So I guess what I am trying to say is yes, in the very short term it may relieve our suffering, but it does not in the long run. In fact, it does the exact opposite. Prayers to you.

babyblueeyes39

Georgia, thank you so much for responding. I just about had myself talked into taking Njust oneN. However I know in my mind I can't that. I just really need support right now. I don't want to sound desperate but beng able to talk these things out helps tremendously. Today has been tough. I felt very irritated and lack of energy. I also still have a headache. I'm really emotional too. I'm very sorry to hear about your aunt. That has to be hard for your family. I'm thankful I found this community for help. Hopefully tommorow will be better.

georgiagirl5

Trust that tomorrow will be better. That is what got me through. You can literally only do this one day at a time especially early on. I recovered from alcohol addiction nine years ago. I drank all the time. I had to do one day at a time on that for a while. I did AA. Now I don't even have fleeting thoughts of drinking and I was bad. Now, the pain meds are a different story. They are so darn hard to get over because they mess with your brain more than alcohol in my opinion. They had me believing that I could NEVER EVER be happy without them. But it is getting better. I am not perfect, I accept that. But I have to stay away from those pills or I will destroy my life. The ONLY thing pulling me through this is knowing I did it before with alcohol. I am only 34 years old. I really don't want these pills ruling my life until I die, which I think is a very real possibility if I keep doing them. I will be dead before I hit 40, either from Tylenol or Norco overdose. I totally feel your pain. I am here for you. Just try to hang in there. Try anything you can to stay away from them. I know it is hard, almost impossible. But you can do it and you will get your life back. So, try to pull through it one day at a time. I am praying for you.