blazinfilly

Hi, I am also new to this. My name is Laura. I'll try to make a long story short. I am currently involved with a A.A member, we have been living together for over a yr now and engaged. I knew from the get go that my B/F was an Alcoholic, thank heavens he is sober for 1 yr & 11 months. I really convienced myself that I could be patient and try to understand him. Everything had been going pretty good, a few ups and downs as to be expected, but generally we was happy. He started to go fewer times to meetings to spend more time on us. That last for a little while, but then being a avid hunter, meetings was replaced with hunting and our time, with meetings. Being in a new relationship, and truely loving the man, I want to spend all my time that I can with him. I, by the way, am not an alcoholic. Recently we have had some diffficult times, with hollidays and each others kids. I took a toll on our relationship. Last week, he tells me that he has got to stop and go back to work on himself in order to be anything to me, this I understand to an extent. What I don't understand is why can there not be "our" time also? Does he have to go every single night to a meeting? Am I being selfish in wanting to be with him? It had gotten to the point that weee both, not at the same time, agreed that he couldn't give me what I needed and that he had to go work on him first, he wanted to stay living with me, but sorta put me to the side for a while, then someday, whenever that will be, he may have time for me. When we talked about it, I told him I wanted him to do whatever it took to make himself better, even if it meant me letting him go to do so. We talked about him moving out and being on his own. I told him that if he did, I wanted him to be happy and that I understood if he moved on without me, his reply " Between, working, hunting and my Son, I have no time for anyone else. Please help me someone. I love this man with all my heart, but I am having a real tuff time understanding why I feel so left out.

Daffodil

Blazinfilly,

Welcome to Soberrecovery!

Yes it does sound like your being felt out...With all he has going there can't be very much time left over...In some respects he is right, his soberity must come first...but you also need support for yourself...so you've come to the right place for that...we're here 24/7.

I suggest you read the power posts at the beginning of this forum..another thing you might like to look into is Al-Anon meetings for you ...Study all you can about alcoholism so you know what your up against.

Keep coming back so we can get to know you and you an get to know us...

Love and prayers from one who cares,
Daffodil

Gabe

you ARE being left out.
Personally, I wouldn't have a problem with a significant other if working the program or spending time with a child came before me. But I would have a big, huge, raging problem with hunting coming before me.
You deserve a relationship that makes you happy. You deserve a partner who has time in his life for you. You derserve to be high on your partner's priority list.
Peace,
Gabe

myles1

Hi,

I agree with Gabe, time with a child or meetings is reasonable and acceptable, hunting is not. You deserve more from someone.

Ngaire