pommie

Sorry this is going to be long. I haven't been here in a while. My AS was living with friends in another county. He won't talk to me or my husband..I don't now why (shame, we won't give him any more money) but he kept in touch with his grandmother and she would tell me what he was up to. A couple of weeks ago my husband went on line and found that AS had been indicted on check forging for $300. Last week my mother bought him a bus ticket to Georgia because he told her he had a friend there who could get him a job working at a carneval. He has skipped out on these charges and is now a fugitive. He had been there a couple of days and we get a call from a detective in GA sayng they arrested someone for using my son's credit cards (identity theft). We told him our son was in Georgia but we did not know where. I saw on their website the guy they arrested. Meanwhile I don't know where my son is or how he is. His friend won't answer the phone when my mom calls. We are just sick over this whole situation. This is probably the worst is has been with my son. If he comes bac here he will be arrested. I don't now what's going on down there. Should I just wait this out and see what happens? Does any one else here not know where their addicted loved one is?

EJG123

I don't see that you have any control over this situation so I don't know that you have any choice but to wait it out. Many parents of addicts don't know where their child is, and of course, it can cause worry. I try to put the worry away when I can't do anything about it.

kmangel

I just got a phone call today for someone looking for my RAS. I deleted the message. It's something family members deal with--the phone calls--as addicts usually leave a trail of debt everywhere they go. I'm not stressing over it. It is not my problem to fix or lose sleep over. The people calling will try to make the person answering the call panic and pay whatever is owed. My son has received calls for his brother, too. I told him to ignore the calls--and don't call to tell me if he gets any more. This is one area I have successfully detached myself from. My son will have to deal with this part of the legacy drug addiction has left him with at some point in time.

Ilovemysonjj

Hello Pommie, I have no idea where my 22 year old son is, he hasn't replied via facebook to me since July 6. EJG is right. You have NO control over this situation and by worrying about your son, it only affects your health and everyone else who is around you.
Giving it up means just that. Letting your hands unclench and releasing your anxiety and fear.
I would love to hear from my son but I also believe I won't hear from him until he is ready for recovery. That is not my timeline, so I have to let it go.

crazybabie

I am sorry for what your going through I have at times not known where my oldest AS is other members have not know where their AS or AD is for extended periods of times some for years.

All you can do is wait this out there is nothing else that I see you can do your son had to have turned in about his credit cards for the police to have known so what exactly are you waiting out? He is running from the police and doing what addicts do.

Not too sound harsh but when he returns he needs to face the consequences of his actions that is part of the learning experience for him and his journey I personally always felt better when my oldest AS was in jail I knew he was a lot safer.

Take what you want and leave the rest.

Scrapbooker

Hi, pommie. Sorry to hear about your son. Do you attend Al-Anon or Nar-Anon or Families Anonomous meetings? If not, I think that a meeting would be extremely helpful to you.

My 22 year old AS is living at home for another 5 weeks presently but when he was 19, he was not interested in working a program, so we asked him to leave. He initially was gone at least 5 days with no car and pretty much just a few clothes in a backpack before he contacted us to get more clothes for work. Before December of 2011, when he asked to live with us until September 1, go to rehab and work a program, we had many days, sometimes weeks with no contact from him. I really wish I had attended Al-Anon during those days. I do now.

I find praying and giving it to my HP to be helpful in restoring my serenity and ability to function.

((Hugs)) from another mom.

pommie

Thanks for all your answers. He must have taken his old checks and credit cards with him down to GA and someone must have stolen them from him (or he gave them to someone) they won't do anybody any good. He has no money in his accounts and no credit. I wish he would have stayed here and faced the music for his crimes but he has a way of always making a bad situation worse.

When your kids have not contacted you for a while have you ever filed a missing persons report?

Ilovemysonjj

Hi Pommie, I have not filed the report. My son will also go to jail when found. I would rather not interfere whatsoever with his life right now. i know he is missing because of his choices to steal and violate his parole. There is no point (for me anyway) to do the missing persons report.

pommie

Thank you. It seems we are in the same situation. I feel the same way you do about interfering. You have helped me feel somewhat more peaceful.

tjp613

At this point I have taken my hands off the steering wheel completely. My almost-22 year old son is addicted to heroin. We've tried to "help" in many different ways ...all for naught except to make things worse. The less contact I have with him, the more serenity I am able to experience leaving it in God's hands. I have told my AS he's allowed to call me when he's got 6 months clean time under his belt but not before. I expect that it will be years, if ever, that I will speak with him again, or know for certain of his whereabouts. That is the nature of this horrible beast of addiction and I have accepted that I am powerless against it.

Thank God for SR.

outtolunch

Back when, I attempted to do so. That's when I learned that such reports were county specific , going missing is not a crime or reason for the Police to look for the missing adult. That she threatened to kill herself also was not a reason to go looking.

If they picked her up for other reasons ( crimes), my report might cause the Police to take her to an ER for a brief observation. They were not required to tell me.

Kindeyes

You aren't alone Pommie. I've gone months at a time without knowing where my son is. I turn him over to his HP and live my life the best I am able. He always turns up either on Facebook or I get a phone call. He usually wants something.

I understand how this hurts your heart. I have found tremendous relief in the rooms of Nar-Anon and Al-Anon.

gentle hugs
ke

amaslow

How old is your son? My daughter went missing for a while when she was 19.. It was a nightmare..I just prepared myself for the worse and prayed for the best. It would be a relief for him to be in jail. You would know that he is safe..and sober. Has he ever been in before?

pommie

My son is 34 and this situation has been going on since he was 18. We enabled over and over until about a year ago when I started going to Nar-Anon and finally told him we were done. Since then things have gone from bad to worse. He has been arrested before but never been to jail cause we have always paid for lawyers and he has gotten off with fines (that we paid) but no more. Now he has no car (it was impounded cause he didn't pay fines and parkway toll tickets) no license (it was suspended) and now he is somewhere in Georgia with a so-called friend.

crazybabie

pommie, is it possible to attend a few more meeting than usual right now? Maybe you can find some serenity that way.