WorkInProgress8

Been 3 months since ive heard from him. He calls me off another # because his cell is blocked on my phone and I should’ve just hung up as soon as he said his name like ive always planned on doing! He asked me about seeing our DS and like an idiot i engaged. I didn’t scream and that’s about the only thing I didn’t do. Its like all the things ive been wanting to say came spilling out before I could stop myself. His part of the conversation was the usual QUACKTASTIC mess: stating that he was scared to call me about visitation because he was afraid of what I might say, that he hasn’t called since hes been out of jail because hes been looking for a job, he hasn’t been drinking or doing drugs, of course he blamed ME for the fact that HE hasn’t, in his words, “been able to spend any time with DS because I wont let him and wont give him the chance” UGGGGHHH!!! Ive given him about 200 chances since our child was born! What a f*cking idiot. My part of the conversation was no better given the fact that I shouldn’t have even wasted my breath trying to explain things from my point of view: Told him I don’t believe anything he says, that DS needs people in his life who love and care about him every day not sporadically - like once every 3 months, told him to stop trying to mess with DS head by trying to pop in and out of his life because he doesn’t deserve it, told him to stop trying to make DS childhood miserable just because his life is miserable, told him that DS needs a parent which he has never been to him, told him he’s in denial. Basically, me telling him a whole lot of sh!t he already knows. Pointless, pointless, pointless. His last words were, “you're going to regret this, I will see my son.” I said OK and hung up; Followed by me calling my best friend and starting to cry because the situation is just frustrating. I should’ve stuck with my original plan and hung up right away, but it is what it is. His lies, attempts at manipulation, denial, and blame shifting were nothing new and further proof what a mess he is but me engaging and getting upset to tears afterwards is proof that I have a looong way to go in my recovery and I haven’t detached from this situation the way I thought I had.

Katiekate

Okay , so it's done, it's over, we all do it, we care about you, now you know, go forward honey.

I HAVE DONE IT, MORE THAN ONCE, I HAVEDN'T DONE IT IN SOMETIME, EVERYTIME WE ENGAGE WE GET HURT.

You have done sooooooooooooo well. No beating yourself up.

xoxoxooxox

MsPINKAcres

Breathe Just Breathe ~

Deep breath, In and out ~

it will be ok ~ you are ok ~ So now you know you definitely don't want to do that again -
NOTE TO SELF: don't recognize the # - allow it to go to voice mail ~ you can always call them back ~ (that's what I learned that worked for me)

Try to Let it go, start your day over & enjoy the rest of day ~

Progress not perfection ~

PINK HUGS,
Rita

WorkInProgress8

Thank you all. Pit party of 1 over here but ill be fine. Hell, ive came this far so ill just try to think of this as my Get Out of Jail Free card. Anvil no, no untrue words were spoken from me, i didnt threaten him but i did say that he was a "Bad Father"... oh well. He texted me off his sisters phone, trying yey again to blame shift &the manipulate, telling me "this whole situation is bullsh!t, he wants to spend time with DS, he knows he hasnt been the parent deserves, he knows his priorities were messed up, &the that *I* am making it hard for him to see DS." His sisters # is now blocked as well. What a delusional SoB he is. Same old song & dance. He acted as if i should cut him some slack bc hes been sober for 20something days, but he was in jail until last weekend so he had no choice but to be sober! Im still upset that i took the bait but proud that i stood my ground. The old me would've fell for his words real quick in a hurry. But now, after you fine folks help, al anon, and other recovery tools i use, i could actually listen and knew it was garbage coming from his mouth.

chronsweet

WIP,

I am only a week out of the trenches and have a little kiddo myself. I have a RO which says that A can't see DS2 until the hearing. And his brother is trying to talk me into breaking the order because he 'is so depressed'. As I grow stronger each day, I realize this, That SOB made me and my son depressed since my son's first breath. That SOB came to the hospital drunk as a skunk and on drugs as I delivered my beautiful baby into the world. A's mommy told me what a horrible person I was that I was upset the XA couldn't drive me to the hospital and while i was in pre-labor texted me for 2 hours saying basically how horrible i was.

It is starting to feel SOOOO good not hearing his voice, seeing his face, or hearing that damn bottle or can crack open as he stupidly walks out of the kitchen with a 'haha' look on his face asking ME what's for dinner. These men may be sperm donors but they ARE NOT fathers/dads. They care more about their DOC than the feelings and lives of those they ruin around them.

I understand you got upset, but you know what, you are not a saint. Last time I checked, the Virgin Mary, gave birth to Jesus Christ, but you or I or any man that walks this earth is NOT PERFECT. But you care about your baby, and you are doing the best thing for him. As am I. May you find continued recovery and be able to spot a guy like this again so you or your son never have to experience such trauma and pain.

Sorry to vent, I just really don't like A's right now.

Cyranoak

What's done is done. Next time, and there will be a next time, will you really hang up?

Cyranoak